nra104

Hi there, I started recreationally taking adderall in high school, and it continued through college. I was taking it for school i said to myself, but it destroyed me. I would take it, smoke cigarrettes and drink about a liter of vodka.. I was physically and psychologically addicted. Withdrawlls would send me into an anxious psychosis, sometimes resulting in scary visual hallucinations, and almost always auditory hallucinations.. It sent me to the hospital twice, once while i was in guitar class, the paramedics said that I almost had a stroke. My blood pressure was extremely high even after the 40 min it took the ambulance to get there, I was dizzy, couldn't stand up, could barely see because everything was going dark, and my heart was pounding. Also once when I was so excited and anxious to get some from a friend, that I didn't pay attention while taking a turn in my car, hitting another car and sufferred a blow to the head and got staples. As a recreational drug user I have plenty of experience with most drugs, but in my experience adderall or speed as i call it, is the most dangerous. Sometimes it's hard to remember what its like when I was taking adderall all of the time because I don't know that person. That person was confused, willingly self-destruction, wasting all of her potential, pathetic, dishonest, cold, emotion-less, and WEAK. There is no way that any relationship I had while I was on speed was going to last very long, I didn't care about anyone but myself. I am now 22 years old and have been clean for 5 months, which is the longest I have ever quit for. I'v tried to quit so many times, and for years I would still do adderall knowing that I hated it. I never gave myself enough time to recover from the effects of adderall, after I would "quit" I would tell myself that life sucks without adderall too so it didn't matter if I kept on taking it. Everyday is still a psychological struggle, I think about it, i hear about it (because im still in college and people are constantly talking about it) and so some part of my brain still wants it, but I tell myself everyday that I can do this, I can beat it. Since becoming clean I am so much happier, I feel like myself ! And, as it turns out, I actually enjoy school ! In comparison to before quitting when I hated schoolwork and would tell myself that I needed adderall to keep me on track. I get better grades without it, I look better (even though Iv gained weight but im taking baby steps), and most importantly I feel better about myself and everything else. I have been re-born and I find that it's almost my duty now to warn others of the dangererous effects of adderall.