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About LILTEX41

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    Senior Member
  • Birthday 05/10/1979

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    Dublin, OH

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  1. Day 6

    All, I have missed you guys. I hate to come clean, but here I am and it feels incredibly good to be back. I resumed drinking again 11 months ago and that was not a good idea. I never went back on adderall full time thank God, but I did have some run ends with it here and there. Anyhow, I know I am back to being clean and sober for good this time. I have zero doubt in my mind that I'll fall off again. I just want to tell you if you ever think that it's worth it to go back to your addiction for any reason, it's not. It will always achieve the same outcome - misery & pain. It's a great way to self destruct everything you love and care about along with your self respect. I haven't felt this great in months. I am loving being sober again and so excited to be back on this journey of health, fitness, and happiness. All the pills, drugs, and alcohol cannot fill that void within and will only make it worse. I'm just grateful to know what awaits me on the path of recovery and stoked to embark on this path again. Much love you to you all and GODSPEED my friends. <3 LT
  2. Couch to 5k

    HC, That's so awesome! I want to show you my favorite website for training plans. This site will give you training plans for all distances and varieties of races. I just started my training back for a half Ironman yesterday and it feels great. I am so insanely out of shape and can't wait to be fit again. Thank you so much for your help this week. Means a lot. Day 6 today.
  3. 11 month check-in

    That's so great to hear! The longer he's off it, he will stabilize and go back to his normal self. In the beginning, it's such a drastic change. His brain will eventually recalibrate though. In Smart they have a thing called the 3 p's (patience, persistence, and practice). Hang in there!
  4. One Word Status Update

    Happy Good Friday everyone!
  5. Social anxiety

    Omg, no it's not!!! I have it too! I swear it is strictly genetic.
  6. Social anxiety

    Try to focus on the people you are with instead of worrying about how you will be perceived. If you make it a goal to try and learn as much as you can about the other people, really listen, ask questions, then you'll feel less anxiety and more at ease. Plus, you'll feel more connected along with gaining a little bit of confidence going into social settings without being high. The more you do it, the easier it gets!
  7. Four Years Ago Today

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS!!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!! So happy for you!!!
  8. One Month Sober - Just Relapsed :(

    Hi Speeder, Ok, so right off the bat let me just say that you did what you thought was the best solution to your problems at the moment you decided to get the script filled. IMHO, I think you need to make a stronger list of reasons for why you don't want to be on it and keep it with you at all times. You've got to have enough compelling information on hand as evidence of what the long term equation of going back on adderall will look like. Here are the reasons you listed: Reasons for relapse: 1) Shattered self-esteem (Irrational Belief - I will never accomplish my dreams without adderall. I am doomed for the rest of my life.) 2) Reading was harder to focus in law class 3) Weight gain paranoia New Reasons to stay clean (things to remember when trigger thoughts come spiraling down upon you) 1) Shattered self-esteem is a short term detriment from adderall recovery. It will take time to rebuild, but the NEW improved self-esteem you will GAIN in recovery will FAR EXCEL anything you had while on adderall because it is authentic and NOT induced by a pill. As you slowly make progress even doing the smallest of things without adderall you will start feeling more confident in your abilities with it AND carry a POSITIVE feeling of well being knowing you've overcome something EXTREMELY challenging. 2) Not all reading will be challenging though. School is temporary. It will be tough without adderall, but you can readjust and learn to keep trucking along clean. IF you fail a class, re-take it. Cut back a class or take a semester off if possible. Just remember you have to put your recovery first or you will stay stuck in this trap with adderall. 3) Remind yourself that any weight loss from adderall is NOT permanent. You can't depend on adderall addiction for the rest of your life to stay lean. Your heart is going to be severely damaged by this. 5 days @ 740 mgs is like 148mg/day!!! Imagine if you stay dependent for years on end what is going to happen to your internal organs. Those are what's most important for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Once the crash phase is over with stopping, you will be able to get back into a healthy place with everything else. Just don't mess yourself up for life. Ok, so with all that said, just try not to beat yourself up. I remember relapsing at various times for similar reasons, but I know I was like you and didn't think it through to the future. All I could see and think about was the here and now. It really helped me a lot to see the ENTIRE PICTURE and what I wanted for my life towards the end. I tried to imagine the tape backwards as well. At the end of my life, what would I want to see that happened while I was here? Would I want to leave knowing I was addicted to adderall and it destroyed me or did I want something amazing instead? That non-adderall life you envisioned early on is still there. Don't let the euphoria of the dream slip away. You have to stay strong and when you want to use, post on this site first. There are plenty of people that can help you see the bigger picture when you are clouded by urges and cravings. Stay strong!!!
  9. Faded memories

    Frank, I just want to say you are making so much progress!! You sound like you're finally getting to a better place in recent times and it truly makes me happy to see this!! I can imagine that does hurt, but you are present for them now and in the future and that's all that matters going forward. They are lucky to have their real dad back in a healthy state of mind. I'm sure they are very happy about that!
  10. No Contact

    You CAN do this!
  11. No Contact

    Traceme, There are definitely good reasons for this method. It is like having a bloody wound that won't heal. The more you keep picking at it and pulling off the scab, you begin to bleed again. It just won't heal. If you want to move on with your life and be with a man that is truly deserving of all the love, energy, and time you have to offer him, then from the sounds of it, it is best to not respond. You will heal a 1,000 times faster by segregating yourself, grieving the loss, and then start to find a healthier place from which to try and start a new relationship with someone who is ready and wants to reciprocate your love. IF he truly wants to make things work with you, he will let you know. If all he does is throw you half hearted crumbs of affection now and then, do not respond. Of course he is going to miss you and want to talk to you. You've been together for all that time and it's not easy to walk away. But what he's reaching out to you for is probably not what you want it to mean. Unless he actually is contacting you with a legitimate, "I screwed this up and I want to make this work with us" kind of tangible evidence, leave it alone. He's wasting valuable years of your life that could be spent with someone who loves you back. Don't let him do that. Wishing you all the best. LT
  12. Adderall and Alcohol

    I drank probably 3x as much when on adderall. It grew to an alarming rate when I lived alone and worked odd shifts/hours. I'd get my apartment spotless in the day, bills paid, and have everything absolutely perfect. Then at night I would drink a TON to come down, but sometimes would still not be able to sleep. It was a disaster.
  13. addict

    Have you tried couples therapy?