I cannot emphasize enough that all you need to do is keep moving forward. That's it. Stay clean and NEVER EVER even for one second contemplate that your life would be better on that crap. It takes a long time to get over this mind fk of a drug, but I am telling you if you stay the course and start getting used to your life without it, one day you will look back and forget what it was like. One day after years of being clean you will no longer think about it anymore. It'll be easy and you won't be comparing all the mundane chores and work of life to what it used to be like on adderall. It WILL GET BETTER.
I have not had a prescription since November of 2010. I am almost at 8 years. I was 100% clean from this and another substance (same crap, but worse) for almost 5 years (everything including alcohol) and then I relapsed on alcohol 5 years in and started popping a pill once in a blue moon if I came across one while drinking. I then went totally sober for 18 months. Relapsed on alcohol again last year and drank 11 months straight. Was sober again 4 months and then relapsed for a month. I only popped a few pills during here and there during this relapse, but it was enough to scare me badly. I am on day 12 today of total sobriety again and extremely grateful. I cannot explain how quickly things got out of hand when I relapsed nor how badly my old neural pathways lit up for stimulants again and took over my rational state of mind. I had a recent run in with this junk again and it has scared the shit out of me. I forgot just how incredibly powerful these drugs are and what they did to me for so long. They make life so easy and then absolutely awful when they wear off. And then you are HOOKED all over again and a total freaking slave to this shit. I am here to tell you, I've been where you are and PLEASE WHATEVER YOU DO, STAY CLEAN. IT WILL KEEP GETTING EASIER. Yes, you are going to still be in a slump 1-2 years after you quit because the memory of what life was like with it is still so fresh. But I can promise you, as the years go by you will one day forget and you will learn how to function without it. NOTHING is as painful as being hooked on this crap and dealing with all the side effects and consequences of using it. Eat healthy, exercise, stay clean and keep doing positive things for yourself. Take baby steps towards productivity. And be grateful for each and every day you are clean.
As far as the "will I be happy when" question you posted above...a friend of mine sent this really cool post from Richard Branson the other day and I have to share it. This one really got me thinking and has been helping me since i read it. Here you go...
You don’t know me but I hear you are going through a tough time, and I would like to help you. I want to be open and honest with you, and let you know that happiness isn’t something just afforded to a special few. It can be yours, if you take the time to let it grow.
It’s OK to be stressed, scared and sad, I certainly have been throughout my life. I’ve confronted my biggest fears time and time again. I’ve cheated death on many adventures, seen loved ones pass away, failed in business, minced my words in front of tough audiences, and had my heart broken.
I know I’m fortunate to live an extraordinary life, and that most people would assume my business success, and the wealth that comes with it, have brought me happiness. But they haven’t; in fact it’s the reverse. I am successful, wealthy and connected because I am happy.
So many people get caught up in doing what they think will make them happy but, in my opinion, this is where they fail. Happiness is not about doing, it’s about being. In order to be happy, you need to think consciously about it. Don’t forget the to-do list, but remember to write a to-be list too.
Kids are often asked: ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ The world expects grandiose aspirations: ‘I want to be a writer, a doctor, the prime minister.’
They’re told: go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, and then you’ll be happy. But that’s all about doing, not being – and while doing will bring you moments of joy, it won’t necessarily reward you with lasting happiness.
Stop and breathe. Be healthy. Be around your friends and family. Be there for someone, and let someone be there for you. Be bold. Just be for a minute.
If you allow yourself to be in the moment, and appreciate the moment, happiness will follow. I speak from experience. We’ve built a business empire, joined conversations about the future of our planet, attended many memorable parties and met many unforgettable people. And while these things have brought me great joy, it’s the moments that I stopped just to be, rather than do, that have given me true happiness. Why? Because allowing yourself just to be, puts things into perspective. Try it. Be still. Be present.
For me, it’s watching the flamingos fly across Necker Island at dusk. It’s holding my new grandchildren’s tiny hands. It’s looking up at the stars and dreaming of seeing them up close one day. It’s listening to my family’s dinner-time debates. It’s the smile on a stranger’s face, the smell of rain, the ripple of a wave, the wind across the sand. It’s the first snow fall of winter, and the last storm of summer.
There’s a reason we’re called human beings and not human doings. As human beings we have the ability to think, move and communicate in a heightened way. We can cooperate, understand, reconcile and love, that’s what sets us apart from most other species.
Don’t waste your human talents by stressing about nominal things, or that which you cannot change. If you take the time simply to be and appreciate the fruits of life, your stresses will begin to dissolve, and you will be happier.
But don’t just seek happiness when you’re down. Happiness shouldn’t be a goal, it should be a habit. Take the focus off doing, and start being every day. Be loving, be grateful, be helpful, and be a spectator to your own thoughts.
Allow yourself to be in the moment, and appreciate the moment. Take the focus off everything you think you need to do, and start being I promise you, happiness will follow.