SobrietyUnderrated

MotivationFollows, I'm definitely averaging about 100 mgs per day give or take. I am severely lacking sleep. Need to eat. And every thought is fueled with paranoia... I first got my script back in 2008 when I was in college, my abuse started in 2009 which led to an emotional breakdown were I had to take time off from school. I intended for the break to last only one semester, but it never crossed my mind that relapses would turn that semester into there years. I guess I've just done this for so long I've kind of accepted paranoid, erratic thoughts as the norm. But that shouldn't be the case. When I collect my thoughts iI'd like to eventually post about my journey but everything just seems so scattered at the moment I don't know where to begin. You guys are amazing and thank you for making me feel less alone and less crazy. Adderall is just hard to explain to someone who hasn't gone through it.

Thanks for your inspiration SearchingSoul, last night seemed so dark but today is a new day, and I know the upcoming days are going to be extremely difficult but I've done it before, this time I just have to stay committed.....

Thanks for the message . I know now when people say that you will never quit unless its something you really want to do... I'm not so much afraid of quitting, it's relapsing after 3 months sober that seems to trip me up.

Double post sorry

I've been a frequent visitor of this website, off and on throught out the year. It's part of my cycle. That oh so exclusive cycle of amphetamine abuse that just leaves you breathless at every drop. I always find myself back on here towards the end of a binge, always wanting to post a few stories of my own - but I would always change my mind because I know if I start posting it would mean admitting I'm an Adderall junkie. I'm no junkie. It's managed. The next script will be used just as prescribed, I promise. And sure enough, here I am, and time I've decided to post on here. This time I blew it. After 4 years of Adderall abuse, I promised myself no Adderall at all this year. January 6th, got a prescription filled for 3 months worth of Adderall 15 mg twice / a day. That's 180 pills in a bottle at one time. Of course, used that all before the month even ended. I thought that maybe this was my time to learn, but no, on February 11th, I go see my psychiatrist to tell him 15 mg was overwhelms and if I could bring it down to 10. He writes me up a new prescription. 10 mg / twice a day. Another 3 month supply. And now, there are four left. For the first time, it just really hit me. I am dancing with the Devil. Destroying everything. I can't do this anymore. I wish I knew a solution but I can't even think clearly enough. When Was the last time I thought clearly? When was the last time I was sober? It's hard for me to ask but I need anything... support and messages of hope. Please tell me that there is hope beyond this cycle. Please tell me that I can change my life and that things will get better in the future, as long as sobriety is my priority. Right now, it's just all dark.