Chuwantmybuffet

Im 23, a college student, and have had a rough past year. I began taking adderall in in 2010 to help with school, work, and life in general. Ive had ADD since I was a kid, i dont remember getting a GPA higher than 1.9.. Basically, i couldnt even get into a community college lol. Anyways i spent two years on the adderall, it worked great for everything, i felt like i finally found who i was and who i was suppose to be. Then i started mixing opiates ( percocet) with the adderall and lost focus on life. I eventually stopped the adderall and ended up using heroin for awhile. After going to rehab twice i came out and relapsed on heroin again. My friend gave me a bunch of instant releases adderalls and i quit heroin cold turkey and now its been a month. I have stumbled upon some xr's as well and have been taking them. I guess what im trying to say is that adderall brought back those feelings of how great it can be and maybe it can be beneficial for me at this point in my life? As stupid as i am for buying them im kind of scared to just go see my psychiatrist and get back on my 20mg xr script with the snap of fingers.. My mom also hates adderall and says i dont need it and it makes me like a crack head... Shes got anger issues of her own and is a nasty person in general. She cares dearly for me and wants to see me sober but doesn't know how i feel and when i tell her it helps me she says"don't even think about going back on it".. adderall isn't peaches and cream either, it has the potential to make me a vegetable and surf the web for its entire 12 hour duration, chain smoke cigarettes, and wonder where the day went when it wears off. If thats never happened to you, you must be taking ritalin. I can stay off it if i want but its like now i have tasted the forbidden fruit once again and i feel its a requirement to indulge. My brains also jumbled at this point in my life from other drug use, I'm depressed, angry, and on top of it my job and financial situations are shot. Any advice would be wonderful. This is probably the best forum out there because its so specific. Thanks again.