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About Alice

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  1. trying to move forward

    My name is Alice I am sixteen years old, and live in Minnesota. I started doing addy a year ago at fifteen. My boyfriend, who is three years older than me, was addicted all his senior year. I was curious about the drug, and I begged him to let me try it, he begrudgingly gave in. In my room, with the beastie boys playing loudly to cover up the sounds, I snorted 25 milligrams of time release. 3 lines. pure joy. It was then I fell in love. Since then, my boyfriend and I had been using every chance we got. It was purely recreational. We liked how the come down made you really talkative, and we would stay up 24 hours straight just talking and talking. I guess I was under the impression that we were communicating, when in fact; we were talking AT each other, not with each other. My boyfriend warned me how dangerous and addictive it was. I tried to heed those warnings but the funny thing about addy is that for an adrenaline junkie, you are never careful enough. I am the definition of "overachiever". I am scheduled to graduate a year early, because I do school work literally 10 hours a day. I also take advanced college psychology classes, and have plenty of knowledge in the field.Next to addy, Psychology is my one vice. I get a natural buzz learning about it, and even sober I would read Freud or Adler for hours on end. But addy made the overachiever in me double in power. That was tolerable, until my boyfriend and I realized we are destroying our relationship. We realized we were high together more often than we were sober and decided to quit, multiple times. This time is for real, it is only day one, but I am sworn off addy. Last time I tried to quit, I had a 2 week binge, and overdosed on 80 milligrams through the nose. I hallucinated, and it took me hours to come back. The withdrawals nearly killed me, the depression and rage...the feeling of being stuck miles inside yourself with no way out, and that weird tingly pressure in your head that doesn't go away. The withdrawals were so bad I literally didnt know where I was most of the time. I am scared of these withdrawals. My boyfriend and I both are. We love eachother, and always did even before the addy. I wont let it wash two years with him away. But jesus, I am so afraid. I dont know if I can do it.