To put simply: I loathe adderall. Seriously, if adderall was a person, I'd punch him/her in the face - multiple times. My story is pretty much the same as everyone's. I was diagnosed with ADHD about 3.5 years ago and was prescribed 15mg XR right off the bat. Now, 3.5 years later, I still take about 10-20mg daily. I know this doesn't seem like the highest dose/day but I am ridiculously sensitive to adderall. I don't know if it's because my brain just normally produces an extremely low amount of dopamine/norepinephrine, but I can take 5mg once, maybe twice, per day and be up for 24+ hours. Regardless of the dosage, I'd always experience the same, horrible, negative effects coming down. I'd lose my voice. I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't want to talk to anyone/be near anyone. I'd be the most unnecessarily irritable person. If someone even made the slightest movement or sound, my anxiety would go through the roof, and I'd want to punch them in the face (Sorry about all the punching references. I'm not an aggressive person by any means, but adderall just turned me into a huge, emotionless jerk). Basically, name any negative side-effect of adderall, and I experienced it. I've practically had a constant head-ache, day after day, for about 3 years straight because of the extreme dependance I've developed. It horrible! The only positive part of my adderall usage is that I have always been pretty safe about using it as directed. I would rarely take more than I was prescribed and never ran out of a prescription before the end of the month.
In terms of school, adderall was exactly what I needed to do well in college. But I PROMISED myself before I even started taking it that I'd stop after college. Seemed like no problem at the time but that was 3-4 years ago. Now, I'm 100% addicted and quitting is the last thing my brain wants me to do. It's physically and mentally destroying me. I have lost so many wonderful things in my life solely because of that damn orange pill. I lost friends. I've lost my personality. I even lost the love of my life. It's terrible! My relationship with my girlfriend was the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I ruined it. Well, adderall destroyed it. It turned me into the worst boyfriend ever. We fought constantly. I completely distanced myself from her. I was always irritable and melodramatic. I'd say the meanest things (I don't even know WHY I even said some of the things I said. I just completely lost the ability to filter my words). I barely even showed any interest in her. I don't blame her at all for breaking up with me, I would have never put up with me if I were in her shoes. I tried explaining to her that the reason I've been so different was 100% because of adderall and that I was addicted to it but she never really listened (which sucks because it took a really long time to openly admit to someone else that I had a problem). She thought I was just using that as an excuse to get myself out of trouble, but I was dead serious. She just had absolutely no idea how severe the side effects actually are. If only she knew. I wish she could just experience what I was going through and then she would realize that everything negative about our relationship was because of adderall. Apologies for the detailed relationship rant but the above situation is the primary reason why I am on this page.
I am 100% committed to quitting this god-awful drug. Seriously, enough is enough. I know it's going to be extremely hard, but I have no other option...I have to get back myself and all of the things I've lost. The only thing that's keeping from quitting at the moment is that I have to take the MCAT in a few weeks and if I quit now, I won't be able to get ANY studying done and I'll just be a mess. And actually, as miserable as it has been studying for this test for the past few months, I'm not even excited to get the test over with, I'm just excited to stop taking adderall. Seriously, I am anxiously counting down the days until I can stop taking it. And I'm actually really, really excited to quit. For good.
That's all I'm gonna write for now because I'm about to fall asleep writing this senta...