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Everything posted by quit-once

  1. Sober November

    Congratulations for mostly making it through the month without drinking. When I quit for a month last January, I didn't really resume my 2-3 per day drinking habit until summer began. Something about summertime that I enjoy moderate drinking. The problem is that habit continues through the other seasons unless I take a long term break. Last year, I wasn't sure how tough it would be to quit for a month, but now I am actually looking forward to it. Getting drunk is no longer appealing to me, even in a party situation. We need to be careful that the Adderall addiction is not replaced by something else (another substance).
  2. Relapse

    As I was reading some of your posts last week, I grew concerned that the depression and perceived lack of progress was getting you down. The posts I remember reading were in response to other people's needs and struggles. From what I know of you- just from reading your posts on this forum, you seem like a genuine, intelligent, and unselfish person and you have provided a lot of help to our newer members over the last two years. I certainly don't think any less of you for fucking up and falling off the horse. Let's dig in to the reasons for this relapse, no matter how painful it may be. I remember reading that the depression was getting the best of you last week. It happens this time of the year. Your dad has been on your ass lately regarding work and school. There is pressure to go back to school but you might not be ready to go back yet. The job working with the public isn't satisfying you. These are just the things that I gathered from your recent posts. What else has been causing you to believe that going back on speed will give you relief or improve your life? From what I understand, the psychosis can return with a vengeance if you return to the dosages that sent you there in the first place. That should terrify you. Did you ever have any physical health problems during the later stages of your addiction? They will come back as well if you did. How long do you plan to continue this relapse, and what kind of a plan do you have to quit again? Do you have any local resources who can help you? It can get pretty lonely and uncomfortable without some local support - like a counselor or a support group who understands your struggles. Were there any lessons or tools you learned during your stint in Rehab that can help you now? Would another rehab program benefit you now? The fact that you had the courage come here and tell us about this relapse speaks volumes about your sincerity and desire to quit for good, no matter how many times it takes you to finally kick this horrid addiction. You can do this.
  3. 3 years!!!

    Hey Bluemoon- Great to hear from you and that you are doing well. There were indeed quit a few of you who quit around that time three years ago. I am especially glad to hear that Nash is doing well. If you can, post a pic of him here or send it to me in a PM, you know how I feel about GSD's. Mine is almost ten years old with arthritis, but otherwise still doing OK. Thanks for the update!
  4. You're right, and that is a big problem. Until you 100% believe that your life will be better without adderall, it will be impossible to quit. Too late to stop? Do you plan on taking it to your grave? You're doing some good soul searching now....I hope you can find the strength to beat this addiction. It's killing you (in your own words). It sounds like you really need to quit, and that quitting is not just something you should do, but something you have to do in order to move on with your life.
  5. That's a huge step in the right direction, congratulations. Was your DWI for Adderall or was it alcohol-related? I'm glad you were able to beat it.
  6. Sober November

    I did a Dry January and it was almost life changing, although I didn't give up the weed. It changed my relationship with alcohol. I feel like doing it again this year, but not until Jan, which is technically next year. Good luck!
  7. Why my short relapse wasn't a bad thing.

    It is posts like yours that keep me from ever considering going back. I haven't read even ONE relapse post where someone said they were glad they relapsed, or went back to responsible usage.
  8. Saying Goodbye to My Charisma Candy

    That was an very well-written post and you laid out your case for using adderall very effectively. At this point in your addiction, it appears that adderall is doing good things in your life. Not once did I read about an unhealthy side effect, or any lasting damage that this drug has done to your life or your lifestyle. It appears that your biggest concern is your obsession with the drug and how it has helped you become the social person you want to be. So, my initial response and observation, is that you are just not ready to quit. You desire the quit because it is something you think that you should do, but not because it is something you really need to do at this point. Please tell me if I read it wrong. Your screen name: wired, tired and unhired suggests that you may be unhappy with the status quo. I'm not saying you need to experience a rock bottom or have bad things happen in your life in order to make the quit stick. But you have to want or need that Quit worse than most other things in your life. Especially, more than that social person you become every time you take another pill. When you do quit, I hope that some of the lessons you have learned from or while on adderall can follow you through your life beyond this drug. Why do you want to quit adderall? How will your life be better without it?
  9. I finally need to tell my doctor

    You already answered this question with the title of your own post. If you can't bring yourself to tell the Dr you are hopelessly addicted, make something up, like an awful side effect or possible allergy to adderall.

    Thanks for the information, @Cheeri0 I don't even know what a reddit is, let alone a subreddit. And thank you @Mike for keeping this website going. CAPTCHA?? I don't even want to know about that one
  11. I have reached a new level of addiction

    Here's a link to the eight stages of Adderall addiction: What stage have you progressed to at this point?
  12. This is hardly worth creating a new thread over, but I have been anticipating this moment since quitting 7 years ago. Yesterday, while searching through a drawer (the same dresser drawer I used to store pills in), I found a blue football lurking under some junk in the bottom corner. I could write an essay about the cascade of thoughts it created, ranging from 'just put it back and forget about it" to "save it for my friend who still uses" and also "fuck it, just take it now - it's only 10 mg". All within a minute. Then I remembered all of the times I have posted on here what I would do if I ever found a wayward pill: flush the fucker ASAP. So I threw it in the toilet, took a photo of the blue blob in the bowl (I have no idea why), and sent it to Hell. I guess my point for posting this is to stress how important it is to have a plan of response if you ever find it, or are offered Adderall or other stimulants. What would you do if you found a wayward pill?
  13. 90 Day Update: Extreme Brain Fog

    Brain fog is normal. The pulsating temples might last for a while. I've never heard of that, but I had several tremors ant twitches before and after quitting. The twitches in my lower extremities lasted for years, and my tongue thrashed around my mouth for many months after quitting. Please don't let the brain fog or pulsations discourage you or cause anxiety. It will get much better the longer you are off this shit. And the doctor who said you should just go back on it...... is not somebody I would go back to.
  14. Day 13 Update

    Yep. Couldn't agree more. I've lost entire days that I couldn't account for.
  15. Long-term quitters: Any lingering issues?

    There is just one thing that still concerns me seven years after quitting: having the confidence and motivation to tackle new endeavors, especially if it requires complex problem solving skills. I became addicted in my forties, so I have many years of pre-adderall adult life to compare with how I feel now. In the nineties, I earned a masters degree, started a business, became a consultant, and built a cabin, all in addition to holding a regular career job. I cannot fathom doing any of those things now - maybe because I don't know the right people to help me with it or maybe because I simply lack the dopamine reserves to just get shit done. I am pretty good about keeping up with the daily chores and doing my job. My physical health returned to normal and I haven't seen a doctor since quitting. I sleep OK, and I haven't gotten addicted to anything else. I just wish I could just get off my ass and get more stuff done. OK, there might be another issue- and that is my memory, observation skills, and problem solving ability. None of that is where it was pre-Adderall, BUT, I am also 20 years older, so I'm not sure how much of my mental decline is due to aging, addiction, or other past and present substance usages.
  16. Tick Tock- Recovery begins

    Welcome to the community. Yes, firing your doctor or otherwise cutting off your supply is crucial to your success, along with realizing that total abstinence is essential to beating this unsustainable addiction. Did you actually tell your doctor you are done?
  17. 1 YEAR

    I viewed my addiction as a mortgage on my future and my future became more uncertain the longer I took it. It is simply an unsustainable habit. I sure wouldn't want to take it for the rest of my life - yet some people do take it for decades. I'm glad you are done with adderall too, @EricP and making it through that first year is a huge notch in your belt. I can assure you you will feel even better in a year from now. Congratulations! Go buy yourself something nice or treat yourself to something special.
  18. Prevagen

    So it has been about ten days since going off the prevagen and things are getting back to normal for me. In fact, the depression began lifting about a week ago. That shit was crazy- I took it for a better memory and it didn't work for that and it caused a depression. And it was expensive. It just confirms (for me) that depression is actually just a chemical imbalance. I have read some on-line reviews for prevagen and they ranged from very positive to very negative. Some people did report anxiety as a side affect. Please don't waste your money on this snake oil.
  19. I have taken the supplement Prevagen for the last three months, on an almost daily basis. Thumbs down, so don't waste your money. It is very expensive - like about two bucks per capsule (extra strength) and you take one per day. It claims to improve memory. I might have noticed a slight improvement in my memory when I first started, but not really sure. It says you have to take it daily for three months to get the full benefit. I have had moderate depression for the last six weeks or so, and made a lot of mental errors. In fact, the errors I have made are costing me my self confidence and I am beginning to wonder if I am getting early onset dementia at age 55. I can't really say for sure if the errors and depression are related to this supplement, but my bouts of depression will usually last only a week or so and come on about 3-4 times per year. So this stretch of funk has been abnormally long and deep, for me. I have even tried taking L-Tyrosine each day and that HAS helped. I just need to remember to take it. I got sucked in to the hope that Prevagen would help my mind from their commercials on TV. It is made from jellyfish. They claim scientific results from clinical trials. I haven't taken one for almost a week and I still don't feel that great. This is probably the worst stretch of depression I have experienced since my Adderall recover period over five years ago. One of the reasons I used Adderall was to feel numb , and it was a wonderful antidepressant, until it quit working. I am glad Adderall quit working for me because there is no reason to ever go back to it. Fuck Adderall, and fuck Prevagen too.
  20. Five Years

    You rock, HC! I appreciate all of the support you give to anyone who needs it, regardless of where they are on their journey through kicking this awful habit. I also appreciate your wisdom and insight that shows up in just about every one of your posts. I don't come around enough any more to read every post and every topic, but when I see you have replied, I usually check it out. Here's to the next five years!
  21. I don't think one pill counts as a relapse, but there must be a price to pay for fucking up. For example, you cannot honestly say you have been completely clean from Adderall for over two years now. Don't beat yourself up over it. Did you learn a new vulnerability to be aware of? Did you learn any potential strategies for rejecting Adderall if it is offered to you in the future? You "wanted to see if you could do it and not get hooked again"? I just don't see what could be gained from that experiment. As far as referring her to this place as a reference, I don't think it sounds like she is ready to quit, or even wants or needs to quit right now. Too bad, it sounds like it could be a great relationship except for the elephant.
  22. 1 year

    Congratulations for getting a full year under your belt. I have always felt like it takes a full year to adjust to anything new - like a job or a big personal loss and especially beating an addiction. It took about three years after adderall for me before I quit noticing progressive improvements in my outlook and well-being. Keep Going!
  23. Ritalin - Methylphenidate for Discussion

    My very first experience with speed was Ritalin. At the age of 16, I found a bottle of Ritalin in my mom's medicine cabinet from 1971 and it said "take one pill daily or as needed for energy". After trying it I knew (stimulants) would be my drug of choice. I tried Ritalin again about 15 years later and it felt like a dirty high. I snorted it and that wasn't so good. Then I discovered Adderall and went on to pursue that horrible addiction for another nine years.
  24. Too long!

    Well, Ashley, I would like to publicly wish you a hearty congratulations for six years. I remember your journey through early recovery very well...the drug dealer encounters, cracked teeth, finishing school, the anxiety issues and related drugs, and relationship struggles. I think you have found the best possible career now, as a substance abuse councelor. Also, congratulations on becoming a mother. I have been adderall-free for almost seven years now. Fuck speed. It has no place in my life anymore. I quit drinking for a month in January (google "dry January" and it was worthwhile. In fact, Occasional1 (now Be Here Now) put me up to it a few years ago. It helped my reset my relationship with alcohol.
  25. Too long!

    Thanks for helping me see that behavior as "disrespectful". I thought it was inconsiderate and selfish, but I couldn't see disrespectful until you pointed it out; Especially considering that I have asked him never to offer me speed, many times, since I quit. I just wrote it off as the behavior of someone who was high.