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Posts posted by quit-once

  1. Wow, that must be awful!  You had no preparation or notice that you were going to have to quit?  I can only imagine how debilitating this must be for you.  

    Your doctor was rightly concerned about your well being considering your heart condition.  The good news is that after a few days, the struggle is entirely mental once the physical withdrawal symptoms have subsided.  And quitting cold turkey gets the worst of the withdrawals over with in one lump sum so you can move on with your life and recovery from your 20+ years of adderall use.    I wish you the best!

    Welcome to the forums.  There is plenty of support here!

    1 person likes this

  2. Adderall did not give me optimism. Just the opposite.  It created an uncertain future knowing I would have to quit that unsustainable addiction and that I was mortgaging my future health and well being by continuing my addiction.  I had a greater sense of optimism, even a few days after quitting, than I ever did while being a slave to Adderall. 

    3 people like this

  3. Welcome.

    My advice is to go with what your gut tells you to do.  If it doesn't feel right taking the Wellbutrin, then bag it.  Seek out another antidepressant or just stick it out au natural for the summer.  Summer can be a happy, energetic , and active time of the year and all the extra sunlight and vitamin D enhances it even more. You are in control of your own body and health decisions.  I went through it using only supplements, not more drugs.  It's up to you!

    1 person likes this

  4. Welcome to the Forums.  I am also a former weekend warrior.  It started off just Friday and Saturday, and most Sundays.  then Monday.  But, hey, I was still not an addict because I still had my three days off in a row, right?  Hell, I even had names for those recovery days...residual Monday, Tired Tuesday, and rebound Wednesday.  My tolerance was reset as long as I had those three days in a row off of Adderall.  But, eventually it became an everyday habit which I needed to kick.  I kept up the weekend warrior thing, for a good cause, for about seven years, then it was a daily addiction for the last two years.

    When I finally did quit, I considered myself incredibly lucky to have slithered out of that addiction without any known long term damage to my body.  Don't worry about that.  Just make a plan and quit the shit.  Distancing yourself from your friend is a good start, I really resisted that move but we really didn't have too much in common outside of taking drugs.  Do you have any kind of self-imposed penalty in mind in case you fail - like rehab or counseling?  Anxiety is a big part of early recovery, so if you are worrying about needless shit right now, consider that part of the mortgage payment required to be repaid for all the enjoyable moments you had on Adderall.   Give your recovery the time it needs to move on with life.  With a couple of years of complete and total abstinence, you will feel mostly recovered.  Of course, you likely know that "once a pickle, never again a cucumber" holds true with this addiction, like all others, and no amount of speed is a safe amount to take, ever again, or your addiction will surely return.

    2 people like this

  5. Congratulations for being accepted into the monastery in your quest of becoming a monk.  That kind of lifestyle is bound to help you continue with your path through recovery.  It is also a good thing that your dad has kicked his meth addiction and you have forgiven him for the abuse.  Please be careful with the kratom.  I have read some posts on this forum of somebody becoming totally dependent on that plant like any other hard core drug addiction.  If I can find that post I'll come back and post the link for you here.  

  6. I've read about those brain zaps on this forum before, but I think it was related to discontinuing an antidepressant drug like Wellbutrin.  I suggest you use the search feature in the upper right hand corner  - it looks like an empty bar with a magnifying glass.  Broaden your search for things like brain shock, brain zap, etc.

    1 person likes this

  7. 3 hours ago, sleepystupid said:

    we're not just addicted to the drug, we're addicted to the idea that there's a pill that can help us achieve our dreams of success. 

    I was so addicted to the act of just taking a pill whenever I needed a boost.  I'm sure I got a tremendous placebo affect from taking the herbal stimulants that I used during my first year of recovery.  Even 5 hour energy and sugar free red bull provided the boost I used to seek from Adderall.  Just last weekend, I slammed a red bull in mid afternoon and happily went off into my day.

    2 people like this

  8. I don't think any less of you for what you did.  In fact, if you have always been curious, it was bound to happen, especially since you've been struggling with abstinence lately.  I consider meth to be adderall's sinister sister.  Very closely related, but not exactly the same shit.  Meth is actually cheaper and easier to get than Adderall.  I have had friends "graduate" from Adderall to meth and continue their addiction for several more years, so be careful.  Personally, I tried meth several times before taking up Adderall.  I didn't like it - for me it was way too intense and I hated its side effects.  

    I think your best chance for a successful recovery will be if you leave your toxic environment and start over somewhere else.  When are you planning to move to Denver?

    1 person likes this

  9. It was the opposite for me.  While using, I was emotionally numb.  Sometimes I blurted things out that I later regretted, although most of the time I felt like I showed remarkable restraint.  After quitting, the anhedonia provided a cover for my emotions and I really didn't give a fuck about most things enough to say anything hurtful, or constructive, for that matter.

    2 people like this

  10. I needed to read this thread.  I've been thinking about how I would really like to enjoy a cig now and then, if only I could use them responsibly.  I know I can't do that.  Damn, eight years after my last cig and I still desire them.  It's funny, but I have to take my cigarette abstinence one day at a time, whereas with Adderall, it's just FUCK ADDERALL!

    4 people like this

  11. 57 minutes ago, LiberatedMind said:

    I found my trigger.  I feel like my life is bland, and empty.  Not exciting.  Nothing is happening.  Things are un-enjoyable, I am bored.  Daily grind, everything is boring.  Even dates feel stupid to me.  Sex is boring.  Don't really feel like doing anything.  I am feeling lazy in general, my focus on little projects I set for myself has gone all over the place.

    This is exactly the reason I decided to quit.  Because I wanted to live life and enjoy things, and I felt Adderall was taking that option away from me.  And here I am 7 months later, feeling the same.  I am not very objective right now though, because I am looking at my life through the lens of "You are bored!  Want to make things exciting and fun?  Take Adderall!".


    The word for what you are experiencing is Anhedonia.  It is a classic symptom that we all experience during Adderall recovery.  It will pass.  Keep up the fight.  Summer is coming soon! 


    2 people like this

  12. Welcome to the forums!  Thanks for sharing your story.  It sounds like you are well on your way to quitting for good.  My advice would be to continue with your taper and make a plan to finally cease taking the drug and purge your remaining stash, then move on and embrace your recovery.  These forums provide great support, and as you probably already know, there is a ton of useful information articles and other links on the main page of this website.  

    One tip I would like to share with you is the tagging feature, which notifies a member when they have been mentioned in a post.  All you need to do is place the @ sign in front of their username, like this: @returnofthemac.  I mention this because you have expressed appreciation to @Tomasso for his contributions.  There are lots of other cool features on the forums like private messaging and visiting the profile pages of different members that help provide a sense of community from this online forum.

  13. I just spent some time reading your reddit post and especially the comments.

    You have put a lot of energy and effort into assembling this information.  I like the theme of what your program for you, not what will work for everyone, throughout your post.  I also appreciate the extensive reference sourcing.  Personally, I wouldn't take a fraction of the supplements that you have listed because I believe that time away from the drug is the most important contribution of a lasting recovery, although some supplements and vitamins did help me get through early recovery.  Thanks for sharing your work with us.

    1 person likes this

  14. I'm in the cold turkey camp, here's why:

    It only takes about three days after your last pill for all of the amphetamine in your body to get metabolized.  During that time you will experience debilitating exhaustion and fatigue.  So, give yourself 3 or 4 days of solace and separation from the drug to sleep it off and get it all out of your system.  After that, the battle is all mostly mental.  Sure, you will experience diminished performance and extreme lack of motivation and anxiety and depression and weight gain and it will certainly be unpleasant, with lots of ups and downs, for many months, after you have taken your last pill.  If you are serious about quitting, then you will come to the point when you are ready to cease.  There's nothing wrong with a strategically planned quit.   I think that by continued tapering, you are just prolonging your misery and withdrawals.


    2 people like this

  15. 23 hours ago, TLNJ2 said:

     I guess scientifically I am "depressed" although I do not feel sad, just frustrated that I'm still feeling this after 13 months. I also had just about every other psychological symptoms that come with adderall PAWS.

    This was the hardest thing for me to understand about recovery.  I thought you had to feel sad and blue to be depressed.  I researched the symptoms of depression and realized that anxiety was a common effect of being depressed.  Throughout my recovery, I have become depressed a few times per year, usually lasting a week or two, but sometimes only for a few days.  I had to do some deep reflecting to realize that this was not merely a symptom of recovery, but something I have experienced my entire life.  Fortunately, my depression is mild and it goes away on its own.  I have found that L-tyrosine, vitamin D, St Johns Wort and /or fish oil usually help get me out of a slump. I noticed a plateau in my recovery around three years.  Drinking excessive alcohol is not helpful for depression and especially anxiety.   Depression and lack of motivation (another symptom of depression) is definitely the most common theme of amphetamine recovery.

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