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Posts posted by quit-once

  1. 12 hours ago, JumboJim said:

    I've been off Adderall for about a year and a half now and I'm awfully close to getting back on it.

    I got off Adderall because of tolerance, after years of use it just didn't seem to do much for me anymore. I didn't want to raise my daily dosage above 30mg so I decided to take a tolerance break. It wasn't until this tolerance break that I realized how dependent I'd become, so I decided to take a year off and see how I'd feel. 

    After one year off I was undecided, so I went a little longer, and here we are. Still don't know what to do. I just feel kinda fucked regardless of what I do, because I have severe ADHD at baseline.

    My question here is mainly aimed at the long-timers. What kind of improvements - if any - did you experience after being off for a year and a half? Should I stick this out for longer? Will I feel less fatigued, less bored with time?

    Welcome to the forum.  I'm not sure I can answer your topic question, but I would like to respond to the rest of your post.

    So, the main reason you quit Adderall over a year ago was because of tolerance.  I can assure you that you will be right back here at this decision place in the future because of this issue if you start taking it again.  Maybe not for the first few days or weeks, but eventually you will need to consider upping the dose because it quit working for you again.  Adderall works for everybody when they first start taking it, then it quits working for you, and finally it starts working against you as you increase the dosages.  Then you have to quit.  An  adderall addiction is simply unsustainable.  You can't take this drug for the rest of your life. 

    Since you haven't abused the drug, you haven't experienced the side effects, both mental and physical, that come with the higher dosages.  However, you did experience the withdrawals from the physical and mental dependencies of even a reasonably low daily dose of Adderall.   Withdrawal severity and general recovery becomes increasingly challenging the longer you have used / abused Adderall.

    I suggest taking a fish oil supplement to see if it helps with your failing academics, or maybe find another less academic pursuit.   Going back on speed just for better academic performance isn't worth it.   In fact, going back on adderall for any reason just doesn't make any sense to me.  You really don't need this drug in your life, and quitting and recovery just becomes more and more challenging each time you attempt it.  

    I used, then abused this drug for a total of nine years and haven't ever considered going back on it since quitting about seven years ago.  I noticed most of my improvement during the first year of recovery, but felt noteworthy gains in my well-being up to year three.    

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  2. Congratulations for mostly making it through the month without drinking.  When I quit for a month last January, I didn't really resume my 2-3 per day drinking habit until summer began.  Something about summertime that I enjoy moderate drinking.  The problem is that habit continues through the other seasons unless I take a long term break.   Last year, I wasn't sure how tough it would be to quit for a month, but now I am actually looking forward to it.  Getting drunk is no longer appealing to me, even in a party situation.  

    We need to be careful that the Adderall addiction is not replaced by something else (another substance).

  3. As I was reading some of your posts last week, I grew concerned that the depression and perceived lack of progress was getting you down.  The posts I remember reading were in response to other people's needs and struggles.  From what I know of you- just from reading your posts on this forum, you seem like a genuine, intelligent, and unselfish person and you have provided a lot of help to our newer members over the last two years.  I certainly don't think any less of you for fucking up and falling off the horse.

    Let's dig in to the reasons for this relapse, no matter how painful it may be.  I remember reading that the depression was getting the best of you last week.  It happens this time of the year.   Your dad has been on your ass lately regarding work and school.   There is pressure to go back to school but you might not be ready to go back yet.  The job working with the public isn't satisfying you.  These are just the things that I gathered from your recent posts.  What else has been causing you to believe that going back on speed will give you relief or improve your life?  

    From what I understand, the psychosis can return with a vengeance if you return to the dosages that sent you there in the first place.  That should terrify you.  Did you ever have any physical health problems during the later stages of your addiction?  They will come back as well if you did.  

    How long do you plan to continue this relapse, and what kind of a plan do you have to quit again?  Do you have any local resources who can help you?  It can get pretty lonely and uncomfortable without some local support - like a counselor or a support group who understands your struggles.  Were there any lessons or tools you learned during your stint in Rehab that can help you now?  Would another rehab program benefit you now?  The fact that you had the courage  come here and tell us about this relapse speaks volumes about your sincerity and desire to quit for good, no matter how many times it takes you to finally kick this horrid addiction.  You can do this.  

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  4. Hey Bluemoon-

    Great to hear from you and that you are doing well.  There were indeed quit a few of you who quit around that time three years ago.  I am especially glad to hear that Nash is doing well.  If you can, post a pic of him here or send it to me in a PM, you know how I feel about GSD's.  Mine is almost ten years old with arthritis, but otherwise still doing OK.   

    Thanks for the update!

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  5. 1 hour ago, hannah95 said:

    The problem is that I don’t 100% believe that life is better without Adderall. I know (deep down) that I’m a better person without it, but I feel as if it’s too late to stop.

    You're right, and that is a big problem.  Until you 100% believe that your life will be better without adderall, it will be impossible to quit.  

    Too late to stop?  Do you plan on taking it to your grave?  

    You're doing some good soul searching now....I hope you can find the strength to beat this addiction.   It's killing you (in your own words).  It sounds like you really need to quit, and that quitting is not just something you should do, but something you have to do in order to move on with your life.  

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  6. That was an very well-written post and you laid out your case for using adderall very effectively.  At this point in your addiction, it appears that adderall is doing good things in your life.  Not once did I read about an unhealthy side effect, or any lasting damage that this drug has done to your life or your lifestyle.   It appears that your biggest concern is your obsession with the drug and how it has helped you become the social person you want to be.  So, my initial response and observation, is that you are just not ready to quit.   You desire the quit because it is something you think that you should do, but not because it is something you really need to do at this point.    Please tell me if I read it wrong.   

    Your screen name: wired, tired and unhired suggests that you may be unhappy with the status quo. 

    I'm not saying you need to experience a rock bottom or have bad things happen in your life in order to make the quit stick.  But you have to want or need that Quit worse than most other things in your life.  Especially, more than that social person you become every time you take another pill.  When you do quit, I hope that some of the lessons you have learned from or while on adderall can follow you through your life beyond this drug.

    Why do you want to quit adderall?

    How will your life be better without it? 

    4 people like this

  7. This is hardly worth creating a new thread over, but I have been anticipating this moment since quitting 7 years ago.  Yesterday, while searching through a drawer (the same dresser drawer I used to store pills in), I found a blue football lurking under some junk in the bottom corner.  I could write an essay about the cascade of thoughts it created, ranging from 'just put it back and forget about it" to "save it for my friend who still uses" and also "fuck it, just take it now - it's only 10 mg".   All within a minute.  Then I remembered all of the times I have posted on here what I would do if I ever found a wayward pill:  flush the fucker ASAP.  So I threw it in the toilet, took a photo of the blue blob in the bowl (I have no idea why), and sent it to Hell.

    I guess my point for posting this is to stress how important it is to have a plan of response if you ever find it, or are offered Adderall or other stimulants. 


    What would you do if you found a wayward pill?

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  8. Brain fog is normal.  The pulsating temples might last for a while.  I've never heard of that, but I had several tremors ant twitches before and after quitting.  The twitches in my lower extremities lasted for years, and my tongue thrashed around my mouth for many months after quitting.

    Please don't let the brain fog or pulsations discourage you or cause anxiety.  It will get much better the longer you are off this shit.  And the doctor who said you should just go back on it...... is not somebody I would go back to.  

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  9. There is just one thing that still concerns me seven years after quitting: having the confidence and motivation to tackle new endeavors, especially if it requires complex problem solving skills.  I became addicted in my forties, so I have many years of pre-adderall adult life to compare with how I feel now.  In the nineties, I earned a masters degree, started a business, became a consultant, and built a cabin, all in addition to holding a regular career job.   I cannot fathom doing any of those things now  - maybe because I don't know the right people to help me with it or maybe because I simply lack the dopamine reserves to just get shit done.   I am pretty good about keeping up with the daily chores and doing my job.  My physical health returned to normal and I haven't seen a doctor since quitting.  I sleep OK, and I haven't gotten addicted to anything else.  I just wish I could just get off my ass and get more stuff done.  OK, there might be another issue- and that is my memory, observation skills, and problem solving ability.  None of that is where it was pre-Adderall, BUT, I am also 20 years older, so I'm not sure how much of my mental decline is due to aging, addiction, or other past and present substance usages.    

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  10. Welcome to the community.  Yes, firing your doctor or otherwise cutting off your supply is crucial to your success, along with realizing that total abstinence is essential to beating this unsustainable addiction.  Did you actually tell your doctor you are done? 

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  11. I viewed my addiction as a mortgage on my future and my future became more uncertain the longer I took it.  It is simply an unsustainable habit.  I sure wouldn't want to take it for the rest of my life - yet some people do take it for decades.  I'm glad you are done with adderall too, @EricP and making it through that first year is a huge notch in your belt.  I can assure you you will feel even better in a year from now.  Congratulations!  Go buy yourself something nice or treat yourself to something special.

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  12. So it has been about ten days since going off the prevagen and things are getting back to normal for me.   In fact, the depression began lifting about a week ago.  That shit was crazy- I took it for a better memory and it didn't work for that and it caused a depression.  And it was expensive.   It just confirms (for me) that depression is actually just a chemical imbalance.    I have read some on-line reviews for prevagen and they ranged from very positive to very negative.  Some people did report anxiety as a side affect.  Please don't waste your money on this snake oil. 

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  13. I have taken the supplement Prevagen for the last three months, on an almost daily basis.  Thumbs down, so don't waste your money.  It is very expensive - like about two bucks per capsule (extra strength) and you take one per day.  It claims to improve memory.  I might have noticed a slight improvement in my memory when I first started, but not really sure.  It says you have to take it daily for three months to get the full benefit.

    I have had moderate depression for the last six weeks or so, and made a lot of mental errors.  In fact, the errors I have made are costing me my self confidence and I am beginning to wonder if I am getting early onset dementia at age 55.  I can't really say for sure if the errors and depression are related to this supplement, but my bouts of depression will usually last only a week or so and come on about 3-4 times per year.  So this stretch of funk has been abnormally long and deep, for me.  I have even tried taking L-Tyrosine each day and that HAS helped.  I just need to remember to take it.  

    I got sucked in to the hope that Prevagen would help my mind from their commercials on TV.  It is made from jellyfish.  They claim scientific results from clinical trials.  I haven't taken one for almost a week and I still don't feel that great.  This is probably the worst stretch of depression I have experienced since my Adderall recover period over five years ago.  One of the reasons  I used Adderall was to feel numb , and it was a wonderful antidepressant, until it quit working.  I am glad Adderall quit working for me because there is no reason to ever go back to it.  Fuck Adderall, and fuck Prevagen too.   

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  14. You rock, HC!  I appreciate all of the support you give to anyone who needs it, regardless of where they are on their journey through kicking this awful habit.  I also appreciate your wisdom and insight that shows up in just about every one of your posts.  I don't come around enough any more to read every post and every topic, but when I see you have replied, I usually check it out.  Here's to the next five years!

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