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Posts posted by quit-once

  1. I don't think one pill counts as a relapse, but there must be a price to pay for fucking up.  For example, you cannot honestly say you have been completely clean from Adderall for over two years now.  Don't beat yourself up over it.   Did you learn a new vulnerability to be aware of?  Did you learn any potential strategies for rejecting Adderall if it is offered to you in the future? You "wanted to see if you could do it and not get hooked again"?  I just don't see what could be gained from that experiment.  

    As far as referring her to this place as a reference, I don't think it sounds like she is ready to quit, or even wants or needs to quit right now.

    Too bad, it sounds like it could be a great relationship except for the elephant.

    2 people like this

  2. Congratulations for getting a full year under your belt.  I have always felt like it takes a full year to adjust to anything new - like a job or a big personal loss and especially beating an addiction.  It took about three years after adderall for me before I quit noticing progressive improvements in my outlook and well-being.  Keep Going!

    3 people like this

  3. My very first experience with speed was Ritalin.  At the age of 16,  I found a bottle of Ritalin in my mom's medicine cabinet from 1971 and it said "take one pill daily or as needed for energy".  After trying it I knew (stimulants) would be my drug of choice.  I tried Ritalin again about 15 years later and it felt like a dirty high.  I snorted it and that wasn't so good.   Then I discovered Adderall and went on to pursue that horrible addiction for another nine years.

    3 people like this

  4. Well, Ashley, I would like to publicly wish you a hearty congratulations for six years.  I remember your journey through early recovery very well...the drug dealer encounters, cracked teeth, finishing school, the anxiety issues and related drugs, and relationship struggles.  I think you have found the best possible career now, as a substance abuse councelor.  Also, congratulations on becoming a mother.

    I have been adderall-free for almost seven years now.  Fuck speed.  It has no place in my life anymore.  I quit drinking for a month in January (google "dry January" and it was worthwhile.  In fact, Occasional1 (now Be Here Now) put me up to it a few years ago.  It helped my reset my relationship with alcohol.      

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  5. Thanks for helping me see that behavior as "disrespectful".  I thought it was inconsiderate and selfish, but I couldn't see disrespectful until you pointed it out;  Especially considering that I have asked him never to offer me speed, many times, since I quit.  I just wrote it off as the behavior of someone who was high.

    3 people like this

  6. This person is my best friend, someone I have known since we were 12 years old.  When I quit Adderall, I was determined not to let my Quit ruin any friendships.  I did lose one of the two friends I used with, however.  That relationship was mostly drug-related.  But with my best friend, we have been through life together.  I let him know when I quit adderall that I didn't want to see it or be around it and for the most pare he has respected that. Before Adderall, (pre 2002), I did use meth with various friends, but it was never my drug of choice, and I normally didn't use it with this friend.  In fact, I am still friends with most of the people I got high with in the '90's and most of them have had the good sense to quit, or they died as a result of their addictions.

    So why are people appalled that I would allow someone to use meth in my home?  I don't allow smoking cigarettes inside, but that is because it stinks and I don't want the temptation as a former smoker( I am more worried about a relapse on cigs than anything else).  But my friends are also my guests, and I want them to enjoy my company when they visit me and if their behavior includes drinking, smoking, or drugs, so be it,  As long as they don't get too fucked up and out of control.  One time, right after I quit Adderall (within the first year) my friends were visiting and smoking meth in front of me.  I remember thinking maybe I could cop a buzz from the second hand smoke and at that moment I got up and left the room because it was getting too close for comfort.  

    Am I an enabler?  I certainly don't encourage my friends to use their substances, and we did discuss the addiction and side affects of stimulant use during our visit.  I still cannot comprehend how he can keep up the lifestyle of a daily stimulant addiction after 15 years, and we talked about that, too.  I admit, I did feel a bit jealous that he has been able to be high each and every day, while I have maintained abstinence. Although my life is somewhat "boring" compared to being high all of the time, it sure beats chasing a habit of a drug that simply quit working for me and was eating at my health.  But I also realize that using stimulants was a phase in my life I will not be returning to, ever again, for any reason. I do feel sorry for my friend's girlfriend, who is unaware of his meth addiction, and they have been together for 15 years.  I really don't want to be part of his daily life and all the drama that addiction entails.  We don't live in the same city. 

    I would like to hear the perspective of @ashley6, (congratulations for becoming a councilor, by the way) whose thread we have hijacked with this subject.   And it was also great to hear from you, @bluemoon, I'm glad to hear you are doing well without the stims.

    1 person likes this

  7. Hi Ashley!  Great to hear from you.  I'm glad to know your life is going well, and especially that you are now a substance abuse councilor.   Takes one to know one, right?  

    It is a good thing you could recognize the potential for a pill train wreck with your recent experiences with the opioids.  I know exactly what you mean by "I think it was more the idea of taking pills that I liked".  In fact, I used various supplement pills and capsules as adderall pill replacements in the first two years or so of my Quit.  I could actually get through a tough day by taking herbal stimulants and slamming red bull.  I still like to slam a red bull now and then.  But the idea of getting relief or just feeling better from a fucking pill is just part of the fabric of modern medicine in America.  As pill addicts, we always need to be conscious of our desire for a quick fix from a pill.

    Yesterday, I had a long visit with my best friend, who was also my adderall buddy.  He quit adderall about a year after I did.  But I learned that he wasn't even clean for a year when he discovered meth, and he has been smoking meth daily for about five years.  I let him smoke it my home, but I made him do it in the bathroom.  He offered it to me several times and I finally got pissed and told him I was absolutely fucking done with stimulants and I didn't appreciate him letting me know it was available.  He then admitted he was lonely in his habit.   When I quit adderall, I told my two friends whom I used with that I never wanted to see another pill or ever be offered that shit again.  For the most part, they have respected my request.  So now, my best friend is now unemployed, after getting fired from his teaching job for always being late; and my other addie buddy is now homeless and living in a park.  

    I quit adderall almost seven years ago because my future was uncertain, my health was in jeopardy, and because the addiction itself was unsustainable.  No regrets!

    4 people like this

  8. 1 hour ago, Littlemissnikkie said:

     ! I’m so tempted to go back on then taper off ? It’s been a month and it’s just getting almost worse ! 

    Please don't do that....the next time you try to quit will not be any easier.  You have already begun your journey through Hell, and, as Winston Churchill said..."if you're going through Hell, keep going".  Your dosage was low, you didn't abuse it, you were only on if for a year, and you are only 30.  Many reasons to believe that your recovery will easier (and shorter) than most.  Good Luck!

    4 people like this

  9. I have tried the following supplements for mental clarity, all with some degree of success: vitamin D, fish oils, L-Tyrosine, Lions Mane Mushroom, and, most recently, Prevagen.

    Low carb diets seem to help.  Regular exercise and yoga are also good.  Alcohol, in excess or even heavy moderation, is bad.  Depression is also bad for clarity.

    Not sure how much my age affects mental clarity, but in my mid-fifties, post Adderall, my mind just isn't sharp as it once was.  

    2 people like this

  10. I, too gained about 15 lbs. after kicking Adderall and cigs.  During year two of recovery, I started yoga practice and getting more exercise, and by year three, I was about five pounds less than when I quit.  Eventually, I started an in-home workout routine in addition to the yoga practice that got my muscles back in shape.   My body weight has stabilized around the weight I was when I quit - about five pounds less in the summer, five pounds more in the winter, but the distribution of body fat in relation to muscle is a lot healthier.  I also try like hell to restrict my carbs and especially the sugar intake.     

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  11. @sleepystupid 30 days off cigs?  You rock, Man!  I kicked the cigs when I kicked Adderall with some help from Chantix.  The Chantix really messed with my mind in early Adderall withdrawal.  

    @MindOverMatter I was working in bars last Friday and during the last inspection, someone tried to buy me a shot, several times.  It was pretty easy to decline, since I was working anyway, but that exercise only strengthened my resolve to make this whole Dry January thing work.  I have also discovered seltzer water is very satisfying in the evenings.  Your success with a dry October and afterword is exactly the kind of encouragement I needed to hear tonight.

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  12. My resolution is to gain a better understanding of my relationship with alcohol.  I'm going to start by having a DRY JANUARY.  Google it.  I have learned so far that there was a study done somewhere that found about 2/3 of people who quit drinking during their dry January had a more positive relationship with alcohol for the rest of the year...so it is worth a try.  I can't remember the last time I have gone an entire week without drinking, let alone a whole month.  So far, so good - no DT's or seizures or uncontrollable cravings.  I am also journaling a bit every day regarding this experiment.  Anybody want to join me?

    3 people like this

  13. Well, that is some very good news.  Congratulations!  It took e a minute to remember the name you used to post from.....The Occasional1! 

    I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have finished your program if you had not quit.  Lack of success is a near certainty while actively persuing an addiction.  

    What is your field of study?

    Thanks for posting such an encouraging update.  I feel like you were part of my "graduating class" here on QuittingAdderall..... along with @Cassie, @Greg, and @LILTEX41,  @ashly6 and @hyper_critical, and a few more whom I consider my friends here.

    Thankfully, a new class of forum posters have emerged to keep things active and interesting around here.  I read far more than I post these days......what a great community we have here. 

    2 people like this

  14. My acid reflux was pretty bad, especially at night when I was trying to sleep.  Those symptoms lasted nearly two years after quitting.  I made a permanent change in my diet - like avoiding the white foods like sugar, flour and milk.  Even now, I can't really enjoy those foods like I once did.  I used to use sugar as a sleep aid when I took adderall.  Just yesterday, a delicious cinnamon roll caused a reflux issue for me.  As long as I watch what I eat, I don't have reflux and the side benefit is a healthier body and less belly fat.  Regarding antacids or medication for treating the reflux, I think that is just a band-aid approach and the real solution is diet modification. 

    Regarding the gas and bloating, I have seen that symptom a lot around here, but mostly from our female members in recovery.

  15. 1 hour ago, The Chieftan said:

    I was on Adderall IR for a year.  

    My reasons for quitting include: rapid heartbeat, high blood pressure, lack of sleep, social withdrawal, severe weight loss, social awkwardness, paranoia, etc.

    In conclusion, I believe that I have done damage to my dopamine receptors that may never fully heal.  It amazes me that Adderall has wreaked so much havoc in my life in such a short time and at a relatively low dose. 


    I  took it for nine years.

    I quit because I realized it was an unsustainable addiction and because it was fucking with my health.

    I, too, worry that I have done damage to my brain that may never fully heal.  Just have to work with what's left  and make the best of it......


    4 people like this

  16. welcome @dave516.  I remember getting to where you are at during my addiction experience.  Somewhere between only using it on the weekends and requiring about 3-4 pills daily in order to function, with more on the weekends.  I continued taking adderall another two years or so.  I hope you are able to kick it sooner that I did - those last two years of adderall were hellish for me.  Please don't loose it all, Dave.  Quit while you have the good sense to make it happen.

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  17. I use a blood oxygen sensor thing that clips on my fingertip.  My heart rate returned to 55-60 BPM within a year after quitting.  It averaged about twice that rate when I was on adderall.  Seriously, it was always 115-120 bpm and that was one if the factors that helped me to decide to quit for good.  It's your heart, after all, and what more important organ keeps you going?  Like running a car in second gear when fifth gear is available.....and motors that run higher RPM's have shorter lives with greater maintenance.