quit-once
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I think it is all in your head and you just need to suck it up. Don't throw away ten months of recovery because it might? help you get through a crisis. Is the hard crash after tweaking for ten hours your ONLY reason for quitting? I suspect not. You have been lucky enough to quit before adderall caused its own crisis.
I am also ten months into the quit. I drink a lot of coffee and I too like red bull and 5 hour energy. I have gained fifteen pounds. Sometimes I take a short nap. I still miss taking it, especially on the weekends,and I think about it every fucking day. But I don't miss the addiction and relapse is not an option.
Regarding your peoplephobia issue, I suggest you see a counsler and get it worked out. If you are living in a University community, there should be plenty of good counselor/shrink resources to utilize while you are a student there. Nothing wrong with getting a little help from a professional once and a while and it is much better that taking pills to try and solve personal problems. Good luck and welcome to quittingadderall.
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Wow. That was the most inspirational post I have ever read. Welcome to the community!
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"once I start back on it next year....."
By ending your post with this statement, you have made it clear that you do not intend to quit adderall no matter what anybody here tries to tell you. You may be able to temporarily lower your tollerance by not using (for AT LEAST three days straight), but eventually, THE ADDICTION WILL KICK YOUR ASS.
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For me the alcohol desire and socializing post-adderall are just the opposite from you two gals. Adderall made me reject alcohol and I essentially quit drinking during my last five years on the drug. Beer tasted awful and the hangovers were unbearable. In fact, only a couple of beers along with adderall made me feel really really bad the next day, and I got sooo spacy when drinking on adderall that I was always loosing my drinks (and everything else). I have had a much stronger desire to socialize and hang out with people after getting over the initial low-energy phase of my recovery. And while beer tastes better than it did when I was taking adderall, I never have regained my desire to have more than a beer or a drink once and a while and I really don't like getting drunk at all, even when others are partying. However, I still love to twist one up or have a bong hit now and then.
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Lil Texan,
After reading your last post I re-read this entire discussion thread and I couldn't see where you advocated rehab as the ONLY way to quit and stay quit. You have tried many different programs and tactics with different levels of success. Whatever you did the last time worked the best FOR YOU. The wonderful thing about being here on this website is how it functions as a support network for everybody who has quit or is trying to quit taking adderall, no matter how they successfully quit or how they are planning to quit. Reading all of the stories of people who quit - what worked and what didn't work - helped me to formulate a plan of my own that has worked for me. The centerpiece of my plan is to avoid a relapse at all costs so that I only have to Quit- once. My biggest surprise and frustration is how long the recovery period takes to run its course. What I crave is reading the posts of people like you and others who are further along in their recovery process than myself.
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Kristen,
I don't know if I can add anything to what Cassie and InRecovery have posted, but I will try to put their answers into my own short words.
You have a rather big hang-up still looming over successfully quitting adderall, but at least you can see it. Until you make quitting adderall your HIGHEST priority you will be prone to relapse. Quitting adderall has to be more important than all of your combined reasons for using it. If being skinny and being productive are the biggest priorities in your life right now, then you are not yet ready to quit. Your kitten's birthday only comes around once a year so don't blow it. Your cat and your boyfriend will both like you better off adderall.
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Hi Newboy-
First off, welcome to this community. Secondly, I would like to endorse the post Joanne made here - I think her advice is spot-on. Thirdly here is my two cents for you:
Vitamin B-12 is THE brain vitamin and you gotta have it to function normally or you are gonna feel like you are a few french fries short of a happy meal all the time. Vitamin B-12 is found in liver and other animal foods like meat and eggs. If you have a documented deficiency, it may be due to you not eating enough of these kinds of foods and/or your system does not absorb it properly from the foods. B-12 is NOT easily absorbed in the gut by most people, that is why supplements are usually sub-lingual or by injection. I bought a pack of B-12 sublingual supplements - 1000 mcg per pill - and they tell you most of this on the box so that is why you have to hold it under the tounge so it gets absorbed through your mouth. I love the energy buzz I get from those "pills" - it makes my hair tingle just like adderall did. Did you know that five hour energy is loaded with 500 mcg of B-12?
My mother always took a B-12 and iron shot on a monthly basis because of a deficiency. At the age of 87, she started taking getting a vitamin shot every couple of weeks and continiued it until she died at 90. She would complain about that foggy feeling and lack of energy when it was getting time for the shot. Her mind stayed sharp and her memory was good until the end.
Dude, you don't fucking need to take adderall. or ritalin. or any other stimulant. Sounds like the side effects are harsh even at your low doses. Get past the withdrawls, then get your nutrition right, drink enough water, get adeqauate exercise and your life will come together again. I take a good multivitamin, vitamin C, vitamin D, fish oil, and the almighty L-Tyrosine, and I don't take all of them every day. Coffee, Red Bull, Five Hour Energy and B-12 give me that occasional recreational energy buzz that I used to get from adderall, well,sort of.
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I had an adderall dream about this topic last night. It went something like this:
My two addiebuddies showed up at my house and told me they were ready to quit taking adderall. They had a ziploc baggie full of pills -maybe 100 or so- and they were the real deal - the 30 mg orange ovals we called Footballs. They gave me the baggie for safe keeping. We got in a car and while we were traveling I just decided to take a pill for old times sake. I put it under my tongue while I was looking for something to swallow it with, and I vividly remember the bitter taste. Then I started to have a guilt trip knowing that ONE PILL would lead me to gobble the entire bag they entrusted me with AND resume my addiction. Here is the best part of the dream: I opened the car window and spit out that evil pill! Then I awoke at 3 AM with a good feeling and a smile, rolled over and went back to sleep.
Not sure what it all means, but it was much better that having that return-to-adderall-using nightmare!
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Hi Ben-
I gotta agree with everything you have posted here. We can't overlook the good traits and behaviors that adderall has provided. The problem is that it comes with the high cost of addiction. I try really hard not to demonize adderall because the drug by itself is a great thing - kinda like using psychodelics (i.e. mushrooms) to gain a different perspective, solve some personal problems, and look at things differently long after the high has worn off. But that addiction bull is a strong fucker. And you are much better off not to ride it into your adult life. In fact, if you have already learned a life lession about addiction while you are still a kid, you are already farther ahead in life that most adults.
Thanks for reminding me about Yerbe Matte. I tried it and liked it before I tried adderall then I forgot all about it. I am going out and buy a box of it today.
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Coffee will help you get through addie withdrawl and it really is not an evil substance. I love caffeine and I am sure I am addicted to it, but I do not believe it is harmful. Regarding your left-over pills, I suggest you make them inaccessible until you are ready to discard them. Give them to a friend for safe-keeping or lock them up. I purchased a key-safe, locked up the pills inside it, then put the keys to it in my safe deposit box. Six months later I got rid of the pills.
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Thanks, InRecovery - that is exactly the information I was looking for. I don't know WHY I had to know that except it was one of those nagging unanswered questions left over from the time in my life when I was using.
I successfully quit smoking for about six months while I was taking addie, but I finally gave in to the stress and it was a really tough six months of quitting smoking. Oddly enough, I still crave a cigarette once in a while so I have to stay strong. I feel like my chances of relapsing with smoking are much greater than relapsing to adderall, and I am trying to build a connection between them like the slippry slope arguement so I don't even consider that first cigarette. And I never crave adderall - and really haven't craved it since I quit. I even enjoy hanging out with friends who are high on adderall while smoking their cigs. The bottom line is that I am happy to be free from both of those addictions and want to stay free at all costs.
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It may be too late. You have had plenty of time to rev up your addiction engine while anticiipating getting more V from your scheduled appointment. You are looking forward to leaving the Dr. office with a script in hand, filling it, and getting high off that first big dose. I have a buddy named Bill that was a professional alcoholic before he traded alcohol for adderall. He has been to a lot of AA meetings, rehabs, and he has educated me about the 12 step plan and things they discuss in AA. The most interesting lesson for me was the conspiracy drunk. In legal terms I think it is called premeditatedmedicated. Bill said: "you get drunk in your mind the moment you PLAN to take that first drink". He feels the pleasurable effects of alcohol while driving to the liquor store and while buying the liquor with absolutely no alcohol in his system. Rich, you are high with anticipation of getting a bottle of V-pills very soon and I don't know if any form of reason will prevent you from moving forward and acting on your planned impulse. But I'll try to provide you with some questions to ask yourself before filling your script.
In a month or two, will you look back at this fork in your life path and regret the decision? Will the regret be worth the short term high? You already know the shit does not work like it did at first so you are really chasing a short term buzz with a long term addiction. How long will it be before you feel like quitting again? a month? six months? two years? Any stimulant addiction is unsustainable over the long term and you know you will have to quit again at some point in your future.
Ask yourself this one question: If you suddenly just found (or was offered) some V-pills, would you consume? If the quick answer was "hell yes", then you should go see your doctor and get that script filled ASAP.
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You are in a tight spot right now. Don't be too hard on yourself for getting fired because if you would have begun a new job in the midst of adderall withdrawl, you might have been fired even sooner! I like to list the goods and the bads of my situation whenever it comes to making a major decision. As I see it, the down side of your situation is: no job, no money, new strange city and no adderall to help you deal with it all. But also look at the positive side of your situation: You have supportive parents who can help you overcome your addiction and also this web site so you are not alone in the struggle. You are already beyond the first three days of withdrawls so you should start to feel better (physically) each and every day. You don't have a job at the moment so you can focus all your energy on recovering from this awful addiction. You don't have any pills to tempt you since you sent them home with the old man. You have made the decision to quit and you have acted on it. You know that taking adderall will not solve even one single problem that you have right now - in fact you know that adderall was THE reason you lost your job and that it will not help you do any job better as long as you are encumbered with this drug addiction. So my advice is to enjoy the early spring Phoenix sunshine while focusing on you recovery for the next month or so. Don't worry about quitting cigs or pot for now; I found it fairly easy to quit smoking after I quit taking those awful pills. Make a plan. Start a hobby. Get a puppy.
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I recently read an article that suggested nicotine was actually THE gateway drug for stimulant abuse. I had always believed that the drug use came first and nicotine use followed as a result of lower inhibitions, impulsive behavior and poor judgement. Does anybody have an opinion on this topic based on their own experiences?
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My solution to managing the anger and frustration over anything requiring a mental challenge was to just say "fuck it for now". Put it off until you can come back to it in a different state of mind more eager to solve the problem. It can be days, weeks, or even minutes later, but the key is to aviod the brain fart. It took me about three months before I started craving more physical activity and mental challenges. Indeed, the first three months of my recovery were nothing stellar in terms of performance and I remember it more as a blur with a few isolated events that I remember with any clarity.
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It started about a decade ago. I was seeking the stimulant buzz without the baggage of meth and coke. Sure, I enjoyed playing with all stimulant drugs, but meth was too intense and coke was unreliable. I never felt like I got my value for the money from cocaine, and with that drug I was a heavyweight player - never sure if it was going to work. I had quit smoking for at least a year, and I could feel that drinking alcohol was becoming less satisfying. I was in my mid-thirtys and not ready to give up partying just yet. My best friend shared some of his newly-found adderall and desoxyn with me and I immediately knew it was the right fit. The homeymoon phase with this addiction had begun and it lasted for several years.
At first we did it only on weekends and even then only when we could get it so it wasn't every weekend. I made the comment that I was not sure the hangovers were worth the buzz and I considered bagging it very early on. For the next several years, I could not acknowledge that the "hangover" was actually adderall withdrawl. I only used it recreationally on the weekends, and almost never for work. I always took enough to get high and I didn't like going to work when I was high on anything. Since I did not take it during the week, I would get the full effect of an adderall high each and every weekend. It was like looking forward to a trip to Disneyland every week. My friends were amazed that I could hang on to my pills during the week and not gobble them up.
I live in a town about a hundred miles away from the city where my friends and family lived. My mom was eighty-something, still working, and living an independent life in her home of forty+ years. I would visit her on some weekends, take adderall and get a thousand things done around the house. I learned how much I could take and maintain a great buzz but not act like I was on drugs. She never knew I took adderall. After discovering adderall, my desire for all other drugs and drinking vanished, but I resumed smoking cigs about a year later. In 2005, my mom was a victim in an auto accident that nearly killed her, but she survived and was determined to recover and resume her life. Her health and mobility were never the same, as she broke a hip and an ankle in the wreck.
The aftermath of that car accident and old age took a toll on Mom's health. Her disabilities left her home-bound and unable to drive a car. Her health was failing but she was fiercly independent and determined live her last years surrounded by her things, her friends, and her pets in the comfort of her own home. Her mind never failed her and we maintained a "best friend" relationship that only got stronger as she grew older and more frail. My siblings had moved away it was up to me to help Mom maintain her life and her home. I gradually took on the role as her caregiver. From a hundred miles away. And adderall helped me to be the superman I needed to be-every weekend. We had a lot of stimulating, late night conversations while I was buzzed on adderall.
It was actually fun to be superman. We took vacations when she felt good. Took her to church and family gatherings and numerous funerals. Horse races and casinos. Doctor appointments and emergency room visits to numerous to count. I was her medical advocate when she was hospitalized. I Googled the new diagnoses and the new medications they gave her; and the drug interactions. Adderall made me an interested medical academic. I helped her make informed medical decisions, both practical and ethical, like when to turn of the defribulator on her pacemaker towards the end of her life. There were the challenges of home ownership like yard care, a broken furnace and a new roof. Laundry and grocery shopping had to be done each each weekend. The pets needed more and more care, and I was also helping her out with her part-time business. Old people require more and more modifications of their surroundings to deal with their disabilities. Things like oxygen management, maintaining easy access to shelves and phones, walkers, power chairs and wheelchairs become very important. Yes, adderall made me the superman I needed to be every weekend. But it was getting harder and harder to take time off adderall during the week and still do my regular job. I gradually had gone from only doing adderall on saturday and sunday to NOT doing adderall only on tues, wed, and thurs. But as long as I had three full days off adderall each week, it always got me high on the weekends. I was becoming less and less functional while I was not on adderall, but somehow I kept my job through it all. About five years ago I finally had to get my own perscription for adderall because the amount I was getting from my friends just wasn't enough any more. Adderall addiction is truly a progressive disease.
Over a period of about six months, Mom's ability to live independently came to an end. She had several serious injuries and infections resulting from falling. She was in and out of rehab centers and hospitals. We enjoyed one last holiday season together and then early in 2010 she had a fall she couldn't recover from and lost the last of her mobility. She begrudgingly admitted it was time to enter an assisted living facility. By this time I was a daily adderall user and was thinking I needed to quit. But I couldn't. This was a very depressing time in my life and adderall prevented the onset of depression. The home still needed to be taken care of and the pets needed to be tended and Mom still needed to have some errands run and visits in the facility. We moved her in to an assisted living unit and planned a surprise 90th birthday party. The day after her birthday, she took another bad fall, ended up in the hospital, and almost died, again. It was time to find her a nursing home.
I researched all of the quality nursing homes in the area and found the best one we could afford. By the way, medicare does not pay for long term nursing home care and it cost us about 8K per month for a single room. Since my caregiving services were now being addressed by the nursing home, would this be a good time to quit adderall? I infrequently took a day off adderall and realized that I would was disfunctional when I didn't have it. It was around this time that I experienced the true definition of addiction: THE INABILITY TO CEASE A HARMFUL BEHAVIOR DESPITE ITS GREAT PERSONAL COST. When my dog died a couple of years before, I experienced tremendous depression and grief, even though I knew he was gonna die. The depression lasted for several weeks, and what I didn't realize at the time was that depression was agravated by adderall withdrawl during the weekdays. So quitting adderall while Mom was dying in a rest home was out of the question.
The decline of mom's health over the last year was tough to take for all of us. She was no longer happy and frequently pondered why she had to suffer the final horrors of old age. Her best friend died in late September, and I took her to his graveside service even though she could not get out of the car. Two days later, she passed away and was granted the relief that only death can provide from the suffering and missery of enduring a worn-out body with a mind that knows the difference.
I was on adderall throughout the entire memorial and grieving process, although at low, functional dosages. One of my best friends was killed in a car wreck about a month later. I spoke at both of their services, with my emotions controled by low doses of adderall. It was a very depressing time of my life but I didn't feel the depression and I knew things would get better. I also knew I couldn't quit adderall at that time under any circumstances and I was very lucky to have an adequate supply of pills. I still needed to take care of the final estate settlement stuff and income taxes, but I could see the light at the end of my addiction tunnel. I was soooo ready to be done with that awful drug that I was really looking forward to quitting. I planned every detail of the quit in order to make it successful and avoid a relapse. And when I quit taking adderall on June 4, 2011, I knew I was done for good. The depression that was masked by the adderall showed up after I quit and I cried and grieved intensely for about ten days after I quit.
Time has a way of altering our memories and perceptions of life's experiences and lessons. As I progress through my recovery period,the more negative my attitude and thoughts about adderall have become. I wanted to document the positive aspects of my adderall addiction before damning that "evil" pill and rewriting history. There were plenty of bad things about the addiction and its impact on my health and mental stability that I have not detailed in this writing. My main reason for quitting was the realization that a long term adderall addiction was simply UNSUSTAINABLE at any level in all areas of my life. I do not regret spending almost a decade on adderall. I believe I learned many valuable life lessons, behaviors, and ways of thinking from taking this drug. I had some great experiences and accomplishments. I believe that helping another person, at a critical time of their life, with the assistance of a tool like adderall was a good thing and it justified my addiction.
Although I feel that I am a better person for my adderall experience, I realize that it was a phase of my life that I can never return to. I have a deeper understanding of addiction and a lot of compassion for anybody who is addicted to anything.
Ever since joining this web site last summer, I knew I had to tell this story. It is a long story and if you have read it all the way through I hope in some way it was worth your time. For the details of my quitting procedure, check out my post entitled "How I Quit Adderall".
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Mike, I would be happy to help in any way I can. Just send me an email with instructions.
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What she said. I hate spam and the greedy, sleazy spammers who spew their spam here. If everybody just ignores it, maybe it will just go away. I have more choice words for them but it doesn't look like they read or write English very well. Bastards.
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Guys can you tell me how much l tyrosine you take and how did it help. Thank you. Chris
I like the GNC brand - it seems to work better than any other brand. I take 500 mg three times per day. It is essential that you take them on an empty stomach. Not only does it prevent the onset of depression but it actually puts me in a good, happy mood. Tyrosine is a wonderful amino acid. I just took one about a half hour ago with my coffee and I feel great.
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The harder you try to "make him realize" he needs to quit taking adderall, the more reslove he will have to deny there is even a problem. Unless nagging your husband has worked well for you in the past, the best you can do is to stay off adderall yourself and give him the appropriate feedback when he starts to complain about the bad things adderall does to him and your family. If YOU try to tell him about those bad things, it will just create more denial and justification to keep taking his pills. Please don't nag the poor bastard and remember that addiction is a mental illness and a curable disease.
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Whittering, I am going to give you some feedback even if it sounds harsh.
You lead a stressful life and you worry too much. High stress job. Husband's high stress job. Husband addicted to adderall. Trying to be the best mom you can be and also a soccer mom. Kids with school issues. Drug-pushing doctors. Worry about people you know finding you on this web site. Physical, mental, and emotional withdrawls from your adderall addiction.
Wow. I think you need a vacation. That is a lot you have on your plate.
I am sure xanax would help with the anxiety, but it is horribly addictive as well. I heard a doctor on TV say he would rather take ten people off heroin than one person off xanax. Xanax is in the "pam" family of drugs with valium and ativan. The pams are hard to kick.
I suggest you see some kind of counselor who doesn't push the drugs and helps you work through these issues the old-fashioned way by talking it out. Also, any physical exercise you can make yourself do is good. Meditation works to releive the stressful moments. Also good nutrition, enough sleep, and the right supplements should aid your recovery. And some kind of a vacation, even a weekend away, would refresh you.
If you need an energy boost, try red bull and five hour energy. I also had some energy pills laced with caffeine and vitamins and who knows what else that I would take whenever I wanted to re-live the speed sessions and get a lot of stuff done. I still take them when I feel the need for speed. I think just about any non-drug over the counter stimulant like no-doze would do for make-believe adderall substitution. Sometimes I just like to take pills and as long as they are not harmful pills, what the hell?
Relapse is not an option. Keep that thought in your mind at all times.
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I suffered a significant decline in cognition and memory during my last year on adderall. I have prosopagnosia (face blindness) and adderall made it nearly impossible to reccognize even the familiar people in my life. I was still mentally foggy for about three months after I quit and I am getting a little better at remembering names and faces. My mind started coming back in month four and it has gradually gotten better up to now which is month seven. Oddly enough, that was about the same time (month four) I felt the internal need to start posting on this web site.
Tyrosine has really really helped me through this recovery. They are my Happy Pills. Seratonin is made from l-tyrosine. I quit taking them for a few months but resumed taking two 500 mg pills daily about a month ago when I felt a bout of seasonal depression comming on. L-Tyrosine is not a drug, and it is not addictive so more isn't better. I try to see the yin and the yang of everything in life, and I simply cannot find a down side to taking tyrosine to avoid depression. It works better for some people than for others so I feel lucky it works for me. You see I am not consistant how I refer to l-tyrosine. The "L" simply means it is in the form your body can use, as opposed to the "D" form. But I don't think you can buy anything but the "l" form because the "d" form is useless.
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In the medical profession, medicated patients = job security for doctors. It's a scam. There will be plenty of times in our lives when we will have no choice about being medicated. You did the right thing today and you will look back and see this day was pivotal in growing away from your addiction. You owed it to your family and co-workers to quit because they depend on you for sober, competant leadership. Your old man won't even consider quitting until he sees there is a problem. The most adderall I have heard of anybody getting is 120 pills per month (30mg of course) or 4 per day. So he still has a lot of room to grow his addiction if his doctor concurs. He is better off with an adderall addiction than being a coke-head so it could be worse.
And for the sake of everybody downstream including the fish (and your relationship) dont flush his pills down the toilet!
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InRecovery,
Good point about that severe penalty for relapsing. You just gave me an idea for a new article or post:
Universal Truths About Addiction. This could be a list of indisputable and universal facts about addiction and recovery. So far these two items: 1) Once you have become addicted to anything, a return to casual or recreational use will always lead back to the addiction. 2) The addiction becomes more severe and harder to quit with each subsequent relapse. Would anybody like to add to this list or debate #1 or #2 above?
The Two Month Itch
in Tell your story
Posted
Hi Cassie-
I wrote a reply to your four month post on Monday morning, and somehow it got lost before it made it to this "Power Board" (whatever that is). Anyway, four months is a significant point in any recovery so please accept my heartfelt congratulations for making it this far. I really enjoy reading your posts and responses.
You are lucky to have a husband who supports your quittingadderall endeavor. He sounds like a smart guy who can give you good advice - like "three months really isn't a long time to quit anything". I am going through the quitting process mostly on my own with only the support of one friend and this website.
Regarding your lack of interest in anything, that should begin to change anytime now. It took me about ten weeks to regain some of my motivation and inner drive, and about four and a half months before I actually wanted to do daily exercise activities. I had an ineterest in photography that I turned into a hobby shortly after quitting. I replaced my addiction with the obsession of my hobby - getting more and better and even more pictures of my favorite subjects -wild animals. I started spending a lot more time training my German Shepherd. And I consider my regular presence on this web site to be another hobby. I am really excited to get on with my life this summer. I am finally just beginning to NOT think about adderall every waking moment of the day. It will be a year for me on June 4.