Hopingthebest

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Everything posted by Hopingthebest

  1. I see a lot of stories from recovering Adderall users, but my case is different and has resulted in unhelpful advice from people unfamiliar with the side effects, addictive qualities, and general nature of the drug. I am reaching out to this community for your help and advice in this difficult time. I am currently dating an Adderall addict. She is 24 years old, smart, a perfectionist, and we are extremely serious in spending our lives together. I know that for the past year she has been using, and possibly for longer than that. I would like for her to live a healthy life, especially by stopping the side effects of the drug. She has tried to work with me and deal with my questions, but ultimately she consistently lies about stopping her usage. She dodges certain questions, and accuses me of being presumptuous when trying to talk to her about buying/using Adderall. Her logic seems to be, if I do not see her physically consuming the pill, then how do I know she is actually taking Adderall. I do not know where to turn as my methods for finding the truth become more invasive. I know when she uses, when she buys, who she buys from, etc. But now, I can hardly confront her anymore due to the extreme disappointment of her breaking the trust in our relationship and her determination not to quit or seek help. In the end, the lying is what is tearing me apart… As long as she continues that, I do not know how to help or approach her. I want to do everything I can for her, but I have reached a dead end. I will not give up, despite everyone’s advice to leave her. Please help with any advice you have on approaching this situation.
  2. Concerned and lost. Boyfriend of an addict.

    Occasional01, your story really helps me reflect on my own behavior. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to go through such an ordeal, but I will not take your words lightly as I may be fighting the same battle in the end. MFA, this post you've attached is very powerful. I really would like to share this with her and hope she can see where her using would progress. She does not know that I am posting here, but maybe she will make the connection if she ever stumbles upon this. I feel that ultimately the only thing I can do is try my best to explain why her using is an issue for her and our relationship, provide her with these resources and hope for the best. It seems to be a recurring point that it is going to be whether she is willing to choose me over the Adderall. I need to let go of the idea that if I push hard, explain more, or beg deeply that its all in vain if she does not want to help herself. If anyone has anymore helpful advice about the best way to confront someone with their usage, please let me know. The information and support from this site has been invaluable.
  3. Concerned and lost. Boyfriend of an addict.

    Motivation-follows-action and Liltex41, your words are eye opening and are extremely helpful for me to further try to understand the seriousness of this issue. I am unsure whether she would choose me or Adderall. I know she loves me and was willing to make sacrifices in our own relationship. But the idea that she is now lying to hide her using makes me question where her priorities lie. I have never tried Adderall mainly because I feel like I would enable her usage more. We were heavy drinkers but we had let that go since we started going to the gym more. When she is off Adderall, she can get extremely irritable, depressed, and lashes out. I know she is a strong person who has the will power to overcome something like this. It's getting her to see the damage that it is causing, to not only herself but our relationship, that is extremely difficult. Liltex41, I am sorry that things turned out the way they did but I am very happy that you've overcome something this powerful and still have a close friend to support your struggle. Motivation-follows-action, your story and resources provided are very helpful. Was there anything particularly powerful that your husband had done to help you see the big picture? Are you two still together in the end? And have you made steps towards recovery? I feel as if I will be confronting my girlfriend soon with what I know of her usage and ultimately telling her how the lies and games are perpetuating a negativity in our relationship that is becoming as unhealthy as the drug. Unfortunately, there's where I draw a blank. I want to make the point that a change is needed, but it seems as if I need to tell her "I'll be back when you're clean". Is this the only way?
  4. Concerned and lost. Boyfriend of an addict.

    Thank you sky. What you have said makes a lot of sense and definitely resonates in my current situation. This is where I am most in need of help. How is it that I can be supportive, acknowledge she is not fooling me (if that is even relevant to her overcoming this), be stern about her usage, but still give her the freedom to figure out her own way without enabling/abandoning her? I'll do what ever it takes to help her, even if it means letting go.
  5. Concerned and lost. Boyfriend of an addict.

    Thanks again for the responses. Lea, I will be sure to check out the resources you have provided. Any support and information from people who experience the same situation is very helpful. I will see how willing she is to check out this website as well. In response to quit-once, I believe the usage occurs mainly at work for her. I'm unsure how to approach her after hours since I don't know if she's used that particular day. I think everyone is right in advocating tough love. I want to be consistent about my actions towards her usage but also be sure I am able to understand when she's making legitimate progress. She demands explanation of my suspicions when I confront her, not to see if I've actually discovered her using, but regretfully to determine a new way too dissuade my approach or to cover her tracks better. Does anyone have anymore advice on tough love tactics? Or even confrontation methods? And how do you ultimately determine if they have chosen to start helping themselves?
  6. Concerned and lost. Boyfriend of an addict.

    Thank you for your reply. I can't tell you how good it feels to talk to people in an un-hypothetical sense. The helplessness is definitely hard. The manipulation and lying make it even harder. I am not sure if she is lying because she doesn't want to admit to what she is doing or if she doesn't want me to be completely a part of her life. I feel as if I constantly need to find avenues to confront her because I know what's going on. Mood swings, acne, and hair loss are all too familiar a plague that is harming the woman I love. But knowing that lies are around the corner, it gets frustrating, especially thinking the alternative is just to wait and act as if she's not hurting herself. Any advice with handling this is greatly appreciated.