Hi All - I'm so glad to have stumbled upon this website a couple of weeks ago before "the fall"...it certainly has made it a bit of a softer landing. Made decision not to refill my Adderall script two days ago, after finishing my last bottle a week early and enduring several days of withdrawl hell...and the first week has been tough but I'm just feeling so convicted...I am done with the "blue devil" as someone else termed it.
I got my first amphetamine prescription 3 years ago when i was finally given an adult diagnosis of ADD. My son who is now 22 (I'm 49) was diagnosed with ADD in fourth grade and was prescribed stimulants, including Adderall. I've always known I had ADD, as several other family members do, but never thought of getting diagnosed until I was faced with some very difficult challenges, including an extremely demanding job as a medical sales rep, a nasty divorce and parenting three children, one with special needs. I found myself in a doctors office asking to be diagnosed so I could get treatment and be able to "tackle" life better. Walked out with a script for Vyvanse and was immediately enamored with the results: ON ON ON, GO GO GO. Averaging 4 hours of sleep per night. Got divorced without a lawyer, blew out my quota, enjoyed freedom from an abusive husband celebrating with friends over wine and, occassionally taking the extra pill to keep right on drinking into the late night.
Like someone else said here, I was kinda thinking I'd be taking this my whole life when I first started using it...until my blood pressure starting soaring and the doctor took me off the Vyvanse and prescribed Adderall 20 mg 2X per day. That seemed to work pretty well and I did not have the high blood pressure. But Adderall always made me feel edgy and although I had constant energy to tackle my upside down life and the fallout from the divorce, it made want to drink alcohol just to come down from the jacked up feeling all the time and I got hooked into the Xanax to sleep cycle. I started to feel like Elvis! A pill to wake up, alcohol abuse, a pill to go to sleep. I hardly ever got "drunk" although I started drinking up to a bottle of wine myself over a day...sometimes more, just to "even out". My personality literally turned Jekykll/Hyde and I started constantly feeling paranoid and irritable and just wanted to isolate. I stopped playing tennis and doing strength training because physical exercise became a turnoff...go figure! In the end, Adderall was making me crazy in my head because the DRIVE to do SO MUCH just consumed me and important things, like my children needing to ask me questions and/or phone calls from friends and family, became secondary to GETTING EVERYTHING ON MY PLATE, OFF MY PLATE. LIKE A TIME DRIVEN FRICKIN CHECK LIST IN MY HEAD ALL DAY LONG! I felt like I just woke up everyday and ran a mental marathon. I could never relax, never watch TV, never dream of just "hanging out" or reading...no, no, no...it was like my brain would seek out another project to take on until I would crash in my bed for just a few hours.
Maybe its good I'm vain but I started noticing the dark circles under my eyes, my eyesight diminishing and when I read that amphetamines speed up the aging process...well now, that did it for me! No accelerated aging sign ups here, no thank you! I want to live forever! I have been off them for 6 days now. The first two days i cried alot under the covers as I felt the dopamine in my head drying up. I've been oscillating between laughing and crying hysterically, extremely foggy in the head, tired, and very, very, very thirsty. Has anyone experienced thirst after quitting? What is this attributed to? So happy that I don't think about drinking alcohol during the day anymore at least and have cut way, way back on alcohol consumption by virtue of the fact I don't crave it without Adderall in my system.
Seriously, this is an awesome website and Mike, the 7 Traits...WOW, SPOT ON.
Anyway, I made a great move and resigned to myself that Adderall is a killer...at least that is where it was leading me...to die from a stress induced heart attack, or some kind of unnecessary, preventable tragedy with my music still inside me. I'm determined to play that music...once I find it again. I'm looking forward to reinventing my life...and staying quit for good.