waronwar

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Everything posted by waronwar

  1. Random, but I felt like bragging...

    Amazing! Good for you... I have never been a smoker. I smoked a cig or 2 onoly when super edgy from adderall... and that was rare. I know they are hard suckers to quit so go you!
  2. Liltex, I believe I was diagnosed w/ fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue and Raynaud's syndrome in 2003 and before I was prescribed adderall. Although, I believe adderall came into play around the same time or the same year maybe...I was prescribed adderall for ADHD, but it sure helped w/ the severe fatigue! And so it became the one thing that I have had trouble letting go of... and boy does it have a hold of me. I have tried everything over the years... Concerta was the first thing I was ever prescribed (made me sick to my stomach, sleepy and just wasn't a good med for me), Provigil (slept through it- in other words, didn't work), Vyvanse (better for addictive part of my brain, but has many cons as well, plus it's expensive). Oh and if I mentioned my sis was sent to the hospital it is bc my parents had to call the police on her... again. This time they took her somewhere for 2 weeks. It obviously isn't the greatest place and didn't work. She has severe manic bipolar so abusing stimulants makes her super crazy! I'm afraid she will never come around. Her mental problems just keep getting worse...
  3. Justin, you are right about that!
  4. I wish some of our new visitors would check in ... I sometimes wonder if it's bc they are not doing well and are too ashamed to let us know. I have def been there... Not that I check in often enough
  5. No, my sister definitely never went to rehab... In fact I have cut ties with her since that day. Too long of a story but it was sort of my last straw. Until she decides to get help for her substance abuse and mental disorders, I just can't be around her. I saw her last at my nephew's birthday party. She seemed sober that day but I think she stole some adderall from my purse. Sad. I very much want this crap away from me... I just wish I knew how to live life w/ severe chronic fatigue. Doctors just really could care less about most of us. I know there are good ones, but they are all so busy, and difficult health issues like I have are hard to treat. You just get lost in the shuffle of the medical system. It's a lonely scary place to be... that is for sure.
  6. Ruined my life and felt good doing it

    Oh and Rth... My husband fell in love w/ me during my unhappy years on this drug. I was very honest w/ him. He has no experience w/ this or any drugs, as he joined the militairy at age 18. He has never known me w/out this drug. I have had many bad binges on the drug, followed by tears and eventual confessions. He hasn't always understood or been happy, but he loves me and I feel that when I am honest, I do better on the drug. I have even given my bottle to him and had him give me my prescribed daily dosage. He is not great at this ( too lax , but I am militant w/ him and his nightly heart medicine. Maybe that is an option for helping you to taper. Give your girlfriend your bottle and have her give you just enough for you to function for your job. Maybe you can get through this way and not have to take time off... Since you have been on it 2 years this might be possible. If not, take time off. If you love her, immerse yourself in loving her and being honest. It really helps w/ the shame
  7. Kori, I have done great and fallen off the wagon again. I would always string along going I messed up, why not keep messing up. Well I messed up a couple days ago and felt like crap. I dusted myself off, skipped my dose yesterday and kept living w/ a positive outlook. However, I had 2 days of severe depression this past Sunday and Monday... Bad depression... There is no magic formula for us... When it clicks and all the right chemical, physical, and spiritual stars align themselves we will get better. Seeking help (using this forum) shows our willingness. It connects us w/ people that will not judge us and can understand what we are going through. Hang in there... If you want message me... nothing shocks me and I never judge. I can promise you I have seen and done a lot in my years and only want to help. I am still on my journey. I have at least a decade of experience w/ this devil drug XOXO In response to Motivation Follows Action, I definitely have thought that if nothing else worked I would go to rehab, but I do not believe I need rehab at this time.I am being more proactive than I have been in the whole ten years of taking this drug. I don't know if I have mentioned this but my sister is mentally ill and very addicted to adderall and all stimulant drugs. My parents had her recently taken to a hospital for mental illness/substance abuse. She was doing well for a few weeks. I saw her over the weekend and I think she was on meth. It was horribly depressing and caused all kinds of drama amongst my family. It made me want to clean up my act more than ever. I think I would rather quit my job and have my husband and friends support me. This bout of physical therapy has me feeling better every day. I had gotten to a pain level that was excruciating. Slowly but surely, I am re-gaining my life.
  8. Ruined my life and felt good doing it

    In response to Jon... While that may be "truth bomb"... Don't say that there are few people on here that have taken the amount that Rth has been taking. I am a small lady and have been on the stuff for about 10 years. I have def done some large dosing and I'm sure several others have too. When I was really binging I wouldn't keep track (on purpose)... The shame is bad enough so let's not rub that one in. It sounds high and it is very high. I take really large doses of IR when I am being bad. Here is how I am doing well... right now. I have done well and gotten bad again so I hope I can keep this up. I take my prescribed dose just to get out of bed. I am still tired and crave something, but if I do something to keep my head right it's better. Going to physical therapy and staying busy or not putting too much pressure on myself to get stuff done helps. Right now I am not checking email very much, not doing any crafting at all. But I am healthier and healing mentally and physically and I have not quit. I am on the dose that I can maintain on at this time. I am not a very good writer and have pain issues. This time of day my wrists give out so I hope my post makes sense.
  9. Ruined my life and felt good doing it

    Cassie, I have done that a few times... well I started my relationship out telling him everything. To my surprise he fell in love w/ me and my honesty. I still have to blurt that out b/c he is so different, as far as drugs/ medicines go, and doesn't understand... But he will get it eventually. I am able to be real. Some people don't take it so well.... Can make matters worse. It's complicated but if they really love you they will learn to understand and stand by you... help you get better This dependence is complicated...the ones you can trust that don 't judge, reach out to them. As always, if you can make it through my dyslexic, rambling, trying to type self...Then thank you for following along. XXX
  10. OOOPs I take 40mg XR... LOL that sounds even worse, but damn ten years later it's nothing I will do this
  11. Friends, I am doing well. ACTION is always right. I take 30 mg XR daily... To some of you that's a lot, but to someone who has borderline narcolepsy/ fibromyalgia it's only enough to get me out of bed. I am doing well this week. Started physical therapy for severe back/neck pain, have been very open w/ friends and husband and asked for support and help w/ exercise,etc. I had to get to a very bad and sad place to want to get better. I must say I have been here before, but I know now that I am no spring chicken... What i really want for my life and the reality of everything has never been more real. I feel very strong right now. Thank God for my husband, so many wonderful friends, this board and all the friends here I have never even met. I will definitely look for a way out of needing the drug at all, but for now I feel stable. It's not the quittingadderall part of this website, but for me it's my story right now. XOXO
  12. Complete unabashed honesty helps. I'm good at that, but the shame... oh the shame. I will beat this but it may be the biggest battle I've faced and I have faced a few. Thank you cyber friends. The brain chemistry change is the scariest and most life-sapping thing I've known. The support here is amazing.
  13. Thanks Kori, I haven't been on the forum lately. I was doing so good and then I let my doctor write me the IR's again and now I'm going through another tough time. I had a long talk w myself last night. Time to put pen to paper to create a plan and work through what this drug has done to my life...Then I can better describe to my husband my situation and how much support I'm really going to need. I def. have before, but he is so layed back and probably doesn't understand so it's easy for me to get sneaky and irresponsible...I miss having a life, even if it was sleeping most of it... I will never get healthy until I end this affair I have w/ the devil. Thank you for your messages... Seems you knew I needed some encouragement last night.
  14. The falcon is fucked up

    Falcon, I am going to have a sleep study to see if I am narcoleptic... You know I will keep you updated when I do. I feel the same... tired of being so tired... so tired most of my life. Stay strong and hang in there.... you're never alone friend
  15. How to quit Adderall the easy way!

    Ashley, I think I could do it alone with the proper medical support b/c I have severe fatigue issues. I agree w/ reality setting in and the expense. I was in a bad place the other day and just tired of it all. I still am, but I talked to my husband and he said I could see a doctor that is very good for people w/ difficult health issues.... The problem, he doesn't take insurance... People drive from other states to see him and some say that he has saved theiur lives b/c he thinks outside the box, does a wider array of tests and prescribes total lifestyle changes. I will keep you posted. It is so nice to have this forum for support!
  16. How to quit Adderall the easy way!

    My family relationship is okay and I have a wonderful husband. I have taken a break from medicine for a few days and, of course, haven't been very productive. I expect it would take me years to get the drug's damaging effects to go away. Having severe chronic fatigue in the first place, the only thing I know to do is go get a sleep study and do my best day to day. It certainly has never been a great life being so tired. No one will understand, but I'm used to this.
  17. How to quit Adderall the easy way!

    Ashley, I know I read your story. Did you quit on your own or did you go to rehab? I really need a outpatient facility that will help me cope w/ my autoimmune issues and fatigue.... you know life skills. but i don't want to do group. i know i know, but i just need to find medical people that actually care enough to help someone who has been sick their whole life. I may not do that, but I am totally determined and told my husband that I just want to get away. I wanted to check myself in somewhere but I probably won't need that. I'm weighing options and flowing lots of hopeless pms tears. I will be a better poster next time. I'm in a funk and so over this. I am truly ready to be healthy.
  18. I hear ya... I'm in a really down type mood. Not much to say right now. Wish I could just disappear for a bit. Thank you for your optimism.. I do appreciate it. There is a greatd deal of really powerful support here and it's amazing.
  19. How to quit Adderall the easy way!

    I enjoyed your post. Thanks for sharing, but the title made me want to hate you.... Of course I'm joking I'm pretty sure there is no easy way... and you did make it sound kind of easy... but I'm glad you shared and I agree with the vacation. All I want and know I need is a vacation by myself to just sleep, read, reflect, maybe a walk... No expectations, just getting away from everything.
  20. Hey Jbgods! I have been an occasional visitor and poster for a couple years and I still haven't freed myself from the grip of this drug. I vist for inspiration and support every now and again... I feel bad sometimes b/c so many people on here have successfully quit and make it seem so easy (not really, but in comparison to my success). I can't seem to get off the drug... I have taken it for about 10 years and at very high does. I am checking in today for the first time in a long time b/c I kind of had a breakdown this morning b/c I am a binge abuser. I take at almost or my actual prescribed dose for a while and then go crazy w/ it. I mean it has twisted my brain to just pop pill after pill avoid sleep to the point of just plain stupidity, which it alwasy did... However, at this late stage in the game when I want to quit more than ever my binges and dosages b/c more and more scary. I think this is so many people that get clean from drugs or alcohol after a stint of sobriety fall back in even heavier when they relapse. These things are scary... I was about ready to do whatever just to get away from everything and everybody to clear my head. I have multiple health issues and have had a hard time finding good care... go figure. I need the support too. I come on to ramble, probably not make much sense and never seem to quit the drug. This time I mean it. I have said it before but my body can't take it anymore. I think I'm actually ready this time. Will I succeed?... I don't know, but I am doing everything I can to make sure it's a success. You are definitely not alone, but man it sure does feel like a scary, shameful and lonely place to be. wow... adderall is a helluva drug. powerful stuff and no joke.
  21. The falcon is fucked up

    Falcon, I haven't been on the board in a while either, but I know you made a big impact on all of us by just being you. I understand where you are at... Hang in there and I'm glad you fel like this board is a place you can reach out to. We are all here for you. You have made a personal connection to most of us and you have helped many of us by judt being here and keeping it real. We are rooting for you... we are all struggling. I know I still am. We will all get over this hill soon!!!
  22. in need of help

    PS- I didn't mean to hijack canes2315 post.
  23. in need of help

    Ha! I know that is the thing that would stop me for sure... I guess I come here to get the tough love I need. I go days w/out taking it but I'm sure I have not taken a week of in almost a decade. I have to come up w/ a plan.
  24. in need of help

    Yes... it does make everything worse and unfortunately my energy was super low in my 20s and younger... I have autoimmune markers also. I know I am just going to have to do it and make it through the hard times. Exercise is key for me too and I know I will ahve to enlist a couple friends that "get it" and ask for support a lot.
  25. in need of help

    Hee hee... this forum is great! Have I been on here for years? I know I have been a long time and yes, I have wanted to quit for a long time b/c I knew I was abusing my meds. I do have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. I'm the one w/ a multitude of not so fun health issues that are difficult to treat. I just got married and so I just got insurance again and my doctor's all agree that I do a sleep study to see what is going on. Before I was prescribed Adderall (almost ten yrs ago) I slept ALL the time. My boyfriend at the time did not understand it... it was not depression although I suffer from it from time to time. I have always been SO tired. So adderall was the greatest for me. All the sudden I wa functional and like any addict, if some was good more seemed like better. Of course it's not, but it was so nice to be able to do things and not feel handicapped. Why do I "have to quit"? Because I just got married to the most wonderful person ever and I am ready to try and have kids. Because I am a little older (35) and b/c of my health and family history I am worried about getting pregnant and having a healthy baby. Being on this crap is not good for my health but I am just scared. I tak to my husband about it, but I know he doesn't fully understand. I am prepared but like I said it's a crutch. I'm scared of being fatigued on top of the decade long dependence... I literally fear disability at this point... I know unless I get a good doctor who understands fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue and get a sleep study then I can expect more of the same. I have to grow up and if I have a disability I have to accept it and make my life work the best it can w/out the crap (adderall) Thank you all for your support!