Jump to content
QuittingAdderall.com Forums

busymammaof5

Members
  • Posts

    1
  • Joined

  • Last visited

busymammaof5's Achievements

Newbie

Newbie (1/4)

0

Reputation

  1. I am a busy, stay at home mommy. Five kids under the age of 9, a student myself, and a deployed husband. I started taking adderall about a year ago. It helped me get through a busy day of school for me and the kids, swim lessons, gymnastics, sports, and my husband often being away on military duty. Not to mention the great side effect of weight loss. I have used it at times for three weeks to a month straight, and then other times, just on and off a couple times a month. My husband deployed 7 months ago. The week before he deployed I found out that my father had committed suicide. The day my husband left one of my daughters had a surgery which turned into a week long hospital stay. Right after that, we had to move houses. Five kids and myself, moving on our own. I think that may have been when my dependancy seriously kicked in. Not only did it help me accomplish things, but it suppressed the emotions I may have felt in dealing with my grief and stress. Shortly after the move there was a death in our family. It resulted in cross country travel, and my husband returning from Afghanistan for emergency leave. I used adderall for a week and a half straight, dropped 10 lbs, had my house unpacked, perfectly clean, and was so much thinner for seeing my husband. I think that may be when my addiction really took root. Since then I have been using for two or so days, then crashing. On my days I am on, I am busy and focused and making everything perfect. On the days I am off I am exhausted and starving. Unable to do anything. Lately I have been extremely depressed. I chalked it up to missing my husband, and being anxious for him to come home. Now I am wondering if my adderall addicition is deepening, and causing me to need more then I was previously taking. I am sad and depressed, unable to rest or relax. I can only focus on cleaning and projects and what I need to do next. I realize it is taking over my life. I want to stop, but I don't know how. With my husband being gone, I need to be there and present for our kids. I need to handle the house, and the activities, and the bills, and school, and helping the littles with their school, and being cheerful and supportive of my husband. When I think of quitting, all I think of is that I need to have the house perfect for his homecoming this Summer. I need to be thinner and more attractive then when he left. The house won't clean itself. Dinner won't cook itself. There are kids to bathe, homework to finish, yard work to be done...... I don't have time to detox, to go through withdrawl, to get help. I will do it when he gets home. Yet, part of me knows, if I use heavily for the next few months, turning back my be a struggle I am unable to conquer. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I will handle it all without the adderall. I don't know where to start when it comes to stopping. I can't let everything fall apart while I go through withdrawl symptoms. It seems so much easier to just increase the dosage. Where do you start when it comes to stopping???
×
×
  • Create New...