I'm really hoping my story might help some of you. So I will begin about 5 years ago. My whole life I have been an introverted, shy person, anxious person. I had been seeing counselors off and on forever. Pre-adderall I was actually a pretty awesome person if I don't say so myself, just shy and socially awkward. Made straight A's, graduated high school early, graduated college in three years after some messing around for awhile. Honor society, yada yada...with absolutely no help from adderall or any other prescription. I was actually at my healthiest before I started this crap. I worked out, ate extremely healthy, had a social life. And then my counselor, out of sheer desperation I think suggested I try addies since nothing had worked for me. And I do mean nothing, I have been on every drug imaginable. She knew there was a history of "add" in my family and suggested my anxiety was actually add. I knew I didn't have add, but I was desperate too. And so began my downward spiral into hell.
At first everything seemed great. I was breaking out of my shell, I was happy, funny, the whole bit. As time went on I started feeling like I was on an emotional rollercoaster everyday. I slowly became an even bigger recluse than I already was. I couldn't function socially. It's like I had become flat. All I wanted to do was clean and finish my to do list. In fact, taking adderall gave me add. I would switch tasks a million times and see how many things I could possibly get done at one time in the fastest amount of time.
Then I got pregnant. Most normal people would be so concerned with their unborn child they wouldn't even think of touching this stuff. But that is what this junk does to you, it alters your logical thinking skills. So I took it after the first tri was over. Not every day, just when I needed it. Eventually I ran out and couldn't stand to see my dr and let her know I was that low of a human being that I would take this shit while pregnant. And I made it through the pregnancy just fine.
Now I have a baby, a million things to do and I think I will just get back on my rx. I will be supermom. That I was not. My daughter is now 11 months old. Instead of playing with her and loving her every day, I spend the day endlessly trying to finish everything. It never happens. I get upset because I can't seem to get things done like I used to. I take more addies because I think I will be able to finish everything. My husband comes home and I want to be normal. I want to watch a movie, I want to eat dinner, but I can't. I can't eat healthy because that food sounds disgusting to me. The only thing that is appetizing are sensory overloaded foods as I like to call them. I cannot turn the drug off so I can act like a decent person.
I am done with adderall. My dr is aware. I have previous medical conditions that have gone unattended because I cannot tell if adderall made it worse or caused certain things. I will tell you, adderall ruins your health. My teeth, skin, stomach, heart. That is for another forum. Please never start taking this drug.
