weathers2284

I used to be an outgoing person easy to make friends anywhere but after college where I had tons of friends I moved to a new state and am now very introverted. When I'm high on Ritalin like when I get resupplied the first two days are great I feel like I want to talk to anyone then it sets in. I don't want to be bothered bc I haven't slept in two days but still popping a pill every 2 hours. I become introverted and tend to just play video games or surf the web. Then when I'm out of Ritalin I crash and definitely then don't want to do anything social until I'm resupplied....so technically two days a month I feel sociable the rest is a Ritalin Haze. I mind you too I was on antidepressants for anxiety before Ritalin and still am on one now but I always thought my blah feeling and losing interest in things I once enjoyed must be due to the antidepressants or depression. Have you ever reached a point where nothing is interesting after a long bout with adderall?

I know this is an adderall forum but I couldnt find a forum like this for my drug of choice which is Ritalin. I figured they have similar psychological issues as regards to addiction. The stories I read are very similar to mine as far as symptoms are concerned. What I'm posting about is part of my story but also a question am I lying to myself? What it is, is that I keep going in and out of thoughts on wether or not I have an addiction to Ritalin. I have been on Ritalin since my junior year of college in 07 and have had a love/hate relationship with it. I remember first taking it and thinking this is it this is what I've been missing out for my whole life. Everything vibrant, things were enjoyable again. I was engaged in long conversations with people. I felt like a better person on it.....until it wore off. When it wore off I felt like utter crap, irritable, skin crawling, depressed..etc. I still took it throughout the years stopping once for about 5 months only to go back on it. The thing is though horrible comedowns stopped happening and I felt kinda in control of the Ritalin. I could take as much as I wanted and not have to shudder the awful crashes. This feeling of empowerment lead me to binge a lot the past two years. I got prescribed "max" dosage according to my psych of 60mgs a day...which I think she just made it up. But the 90 20mg tabs I would take would be gone in less then a week and I would snort everyone of them. This has been going on for two years. The reason I question whether I'm addicted is that when my supply runs out I feel like crap a couple weeks then the last week feel ok not good but just blah feeling. I then finally hit the magical day and go to the doctor to only screech my tires as I race to the nearest cvs to fill my script. So if I'm really addicted wouldn't I be chasing after the drug illegally after my supply runs out? Or seeking other drugs? It just feels like I feel like myself for one week out of every month and think to myself yeah I feel like crap but I know the doctors appointment is only 10 days away. I've also noticed that I've lost all motivation in life and don't enjoy music and movies like I used to...is the Ritalin causing this? Am I considered an addict? If I quit using when will life feel like normal? Its been so long since I've never felt what its like to be not on Ritalin that if I quit when do you know you've beaten it? will life always feel dull? Sorry for long post I've just been gaining enough courage and motivation to actually post.