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About hyper_critical

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    Philadelphia, PA

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  1. Struggling. 5 months out.

    "This too shall pass." Cliche but true. Keep on keeping on. (damnit, another cliche).
  2. Just need to vent

    We've emailed off and on. He def still sees donations, albeit sometimes takes him a few months. Think he's busy with other projects...a gift of getting and staying off Adderall for a long time. ; )
  3. Just need to vent

    It happens. Glad it helped. Grateful for the community on here. : ) Every time I have felt hopeless over the last 4.5 years. Every. Time. Tremendous growth was just around the corner.
  4. Health issues 7ish months out

    May or may not be related to your quit. Go see a doctor! And be sure to tell him/her everything.
  5. My first post here, I need to be free.

    "On the hunt" for the perfect orgasm. I can identify. So can meth heads. Learning that's basically what doing meth is all about really helped put in perspective the degree of the problem I had. All these high and mighty reasons for taking Adderall...and then there was this. Honestly took a while for me to adjust to healthy sexual behavior after quitting. But so, SO worth it. Remember: "Don't be a meth head." https://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/slide-past-the-faces-of-meth?utm_term=.nn23OEPWL#.npN4QJEm8
  6. Just need to vent

    Some PHENOMENAL stuff here:
  7. AA/NA meetings

    Hey Taylor, I'm heavily involved in AA. It's been an enormous help. I actually can't imagine my life without it at this point. I feared it was a cult, that I'd be hanging out with people who lived under a bridge, and it meant I'd be resigning myself of a life of just "holding on" with a kung-fu grip to sobriety and enduring a meager life. None of those things have been true, in my experience. I did more NA early on, and still go to a meeting every once in a while, but I've found "better sobriety" in AA (people really working a program). But that could just be the area I live in. The 12-step programs are very, very similar. It's just a question of where you feel more comfortable. I'd go to your first meeting, introduce yourself, put your hand up and share a couple minutes what brought you there, and I'm sure people will help you with the next step. I feel compelled to mention some people on here I really like and respect have a lot of clean time without doing a 12-step program. So I'm not here to evangelize for AA. But it's offered me the opportunity to live a second life, off Adderall, where I'm reaching my personal and professional goals (and then some) and changing into the man I am supposed to be. Good luck! David
  8. Will I be ready to quit this time?

    Welcome to the forums! Wow, we have VERY similar stories. Youre in the right place. Read the articles and come back here often.

    Ha nice TJ. I've been following Jocko for a while as well. 4:30AM COME GET SOME. Bit of a nutjob but I love it. StayFocused plugin is great. I activated the nuclear option for social media on my work computer years ago. Don't regret it at all: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/stayfocusd/laankejkbhbdhmipfmgcngdelahlfoji?hl=es Meditation is huge. The massive action approach is especially good if you have feelings of shame and remorse and fear and whatever else. Much better to put those things to work as motivation for making changes in your life. A trap you have to be aware of with that approach is you will inevitably slip at some point. This has happened with me and just about every guy I work with IRL. If your sense of self worth/ego is all wrapped up in "Everything's great because I'm doing this and maybe even I'm better than other people who aren't," it can be a crushing blow when that happens. The key is to not let that derail you and to get back on the horse, or "a" horse really. I did that hardcore massive action thing for pretty much my entire second year. Brother was living with me. We meditated every morning, hit the gym, ate perfectly, etc, and it was great. Some of those things have stuck, some haven't, some have evolved over time. And I think that's exactly what's supposed to happen. Learning to act despite how we feel is a HUGE part of recovery from Adderall addiction.

    A lot of procrastination is fear based. For me, what it comes down to is I’m usually unsure of what my next step is. Once I zoom out and can break things down into a series of straightforward smaller steps (sometimes as simple as “look up xyz’s phone number, call xyz,” etc), I can then usually start plugging away at them. Otherwise, I’m overwhelmed by this sense of generalized anxiety or doom. Earlier on in my recovery, I had to ask for a lot of help doing things that “normal” people would consider routine. Thankfully, I got ok with asking for help early and often. It gets A LOT better with time, even if it may not feel like it. Lot of good books on the topic out there and its first cousin, perfectionism. But if you’re like me, you’ll buy the books, read the first seven pages, then procrastinate on reading the rest. ; )
  11. 9 months clean

    Fuck yeah indeed.
  12. ugh. relapse

    Thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear that. Go back and read your old posts. You have about a zero % chance of being able to moderate use, and it won't work the way you hope anyway. Hopefully this path you're on now doesn't kill you. I was at the funeral Wednesday night of my 30-year old friend who wasn't so lucky. I had a similar run in with my pdoc around 2-2.5 years. Thank God I had these forums and people IRL to talk me off the edge. "I honestly don't know what's going to happen." That's bullshit. Whether you ask for Adderall again or not is YOUR CHOICE. Sack up and cut yourself off. You're starting to slip into a victim/addict's mentality. You're better than that. Get back on the horse. To Everyone Else - if you're struggling, come here and share about it BEFORE you do something stupid.
  13. 4 months and depressed

    Many on here can relate to feeling great in the first month or two off Adderall, thinking they are in the clear, and then getting blindsided by the kinds of feelings you're describing, myself included. It's great you came here to share about it. Just a quick note to say there is absolutely light at the end of the tunnel.
  14. Is Addrall Free Adrenalin and Reward Free

    "Anhedonia." It goes away. That and PAWS though can be a real mind-F early on. Life is awesome. Keep after it, and take it easy on yourself. : )
  15. 10 Months Adderall Free

    Awesome, Tom23Jones! Couldn't have said it better myself. Also, I accidentally lit my car on fire. Passing out after being up a week, chain smoking, put a cigarette out in the heaping ash tray of my car that was filled with papers and trash and went to bed, only the cigarette wasn't out. Wasn't exactly engaged, living life to the fullest the way my deranged brain was telling me...