hyper_critical

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About hyper_critical

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    Philadelphia, PA

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  1. Will the drive ever come back?

    Yes. Got off it at 24, and I feel "full strength" now at 28 (nearly 29...yeesh). Probably been near/at this point for a couple years, it just hasn't "felt" like it. Came across this article the other day and loved it. Think it's something many of us struggle with after Adderall: https://startupbros.com/21-ways-overcome-impostor-syndrome/
  2. The good days

    That's awesome, Sunnie. Good for you. You'll keep surprising yourself at how much your natural self is capable of.
  3. Quitting again after a setback

    This is what chemical dependency/addiction does. It convinces us in moments of weakness we don't have a problem. This is a lie: once pickled, never a cucumber. Remember that during your next and hopefully last quit. Ultimately YOU are responsible for your recovery from Adderall addiction. You now know you have a problem. You know there is a solution. Many on here have been at least as sick as you and recovered. If you're not sure you can do it, believe us, because we are sure you can. This CAN be it, but that's up to you. Make the decision, rip the steering wheel off, and be willing to ask for help early and often. Good luck. One day at a time.
  4. No im not taking it easy thank you.

    This book really helped me in my second year: https://www.amazon.com/Second-Year-Sobriety-Comfortable-Everything/dp/1568382316 Whether you're "In recovery" or not, there are some good tidbits in there.
  5. One Word Status Update

    Strong AF
  6. Four Years Ago Today

    Hey Quit-Once, Good question. I attribute a lot of my gains the last year to working a program of recovery. But to answer your question: yes, things are getting better and better. Whether that's because of additional time away from the drug or now that my faculties have returned, me taking responsibility to continue growing from here (which includes working on managing my ADHD) is tough to know. H-C
  7. Four Years Ago Today

    Thanks, and my pleasure. Have shared more over the years but you'll have to look up old posts...I don't have a magnum opus in me tonight ; ) Six years.
  8. Four Years Ago Today

    Four years ago today, I took Adderall for the last time. My mother slid three blue 5mg instant release pills across the table so I could get through the night. I couldn't hide any more. After living in denial for so long, I was confronted on no uncertain terms with the horrifying reality that what I thought was my best friend, my lifeblood, had turned on me. For years, Adderall had been trying to put me in an early grave, but only after blocking me off from others and systematically eviscerating me spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. - At one year I thought I was a little shaky, but on the right path. I took solace in the fact that people on here said that it got even better in the second year. - At two years, I was on my feet and doing well, but still pretty volatile emotionally. Occasionally, I'd flirt with the idea that I could go back on it. That idea had to be SMASHED. - I spent my third anniversary in London after hiking the West Highland Way. Towards the end I couldn't bend an appendage without joint pain and muscle soreness. - At four years, I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, even in my worst moments, that I can't use Adderall "as prescribed" for any real length of time. I'm on the right path. I've recovered from the hopeless state of mind and body it put me in. My intellectual faculties are at all time highs. I've got 30 pounds to lose, but have been lifting regularly for some time and am making sustainable progress on that front. I enjoy helping others recover, on here and IRL. I pray and meditate. Daily. I have a sense of purpose. I've rekindled relationships with friends and family. I trust that if I stay off Adderall and keep giving it my best, or at least a decent shot, one day at a time, things will work out. They have so far. I don't have any magical insights to share tonight. There are no shortcuts. You have to work through the discomfort. I couldn't do it alone. Sometimes, all you can do it Netflix and Self-Loath/Chill. But if you stick with it, you'll get back on your feet and the world will open up a life beyond your wildest dreams. Read the articles on this site. Contribute to the forums. You're not alone. People have been through what you're experiencing and worse and gotten out the other side clean. Every time I've felt hopeless the last four years, EVERY TIME, tremendous growth was waiting patiently nearby. I was a slave to those devllish pills and now I am free.
  9. Social anxiety

    Yes, was crippling at first. I could barely handle walking into the grocery store. Got significantly better after a few months, and is now pretty much gone. Trust the process.
  10. First step

    I'm in recovery. Four years next Thursday. Hit meetings 3-4x/week. Have a sponsor and sponsees. Been through the steps twice and taken people through. After struggling with trying to "fit" amphetamine dependence to the traditional model of addiction and recovery, I'm still in two minds about whether there are unique aspects to Adderall addiction or not. I really wrestled with this my first 18 months clean, but frankly I just don't care anymore; I've found what works for me. Not sure these forums are the right place, as this site is dedicated toward quitting Adderall and perhaps not all on here need or are interested in a 12-step program. Administrators/Mike - feel free to weigh in. Honestly, I'm in two minds about it. Several on here I've known for years now aren't involved in a 12-step program, have gotten off Adderall, put together wonderful lives, and don't struggle with other substances. Several have claimed Adderall was their only problem, gotten a year or two off it, then eventually ended up abusing other substances. If you're new here, don't be put off by the fact that many find 12-step programs tremendously helpful. Maybe you would too, but maybe not. Doesn't mean you don't fit in here or can't benefit greatly from the information on this site and the forums. If you're interested in learning more about the steps, I'd go straight to the Joe and Charlie tapes, which are available on YouTube and Apple Music, for their explanation.
  11. Blood pressure higher off adderall, wha?

    I had rhabdomyolysis towards the end that caused my blood pressure to fall from its high levels the preceding years. That was NOT a good sign...apparently meant my kidneys were starting to fail. NOT a doctor and that's what I remember them telling me towards the end and shortly after I got clean. Don't even remember if I've got the details right but it scared the shizzle out of me.
  12. The #1 worst thing about Adderall

    Dude. Fuck off with the spam.
  13. 70 Days Off Adderall And Psych Prescribes Concerta

    I am blown away that they prescribed you Concerta. Unfortunately most of the psych's I've looked at who are also addiction specialists don't take insurance. The gap between where the medical community and even the addiction community is and reality as it pertains to stimulants is baffling.
  14. I need to stop!

    Welcome back, and good luck. You can do this.
  15. FWIW, and I am NOT a doctor...I had weird hormonal stuff emerge my last few years on Adderall. They exhausted all options and thought it was a pituitary adenoma. Alas, when they looked, there was nothing there. All those imbalances have resolved themselves since getting off Adderall. Can't point to any academic literature linking the two and your situation may be different than mine. Just thought I'd share that. Also, there's no getting around the fact that I could barely read the first month I was off Adderall. It took some time, but I now read more than I have at any point in my life, and I think I'm the sharpest now that I've ever been. It doesn't always feel that way, because I have to work through the nagging self-doubt that I used to overwhelm with speed. But it's true. That happened by staying clean one day at a time. Spend some time on the terrific articles Mike has put together, and welcome to the forums! Good luck on your journey.