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About hyper_critical

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    Philadelphia, PA

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  1. Absolutely. It's funny though - the parts I was worried about giving up are parts now I realize were REALLY offputting to people. They like me a lot more now. And I've learned I'm FAR more effective in business and my personal life actually engaging with people, not just talking at/over them. For sure. Meditation helps. But re-orienting outside the cycle of jacked up then crashing is difficult. For me, it's had far-reaching implications, from how I eat, sleep, activity, etc. Takes a lot of trial and error and working through frustration. But that means you're on the right path! I'd say for a lot of us, I had to give up the illusion that I could control who I'd become on the other side of all this. And THANK GOD, because I'm becoming a man far better than I would have been if things had worked out the way I "planned."
  2. One year is huge. Your second year is at least as big, in different ways. Every time you feel hopeless, tremendous growth is just around the corner. There's a little on my progression in this post... Keep after it!
  3. I have reached a new level of addiction

    From your post, it's clear you're in the grips of amphetamine addiction. Number one priority for you should be to stop and stay stopped. If you can't seem to do that on your own, I advise enlisting the help of professionals. Everything else is just conversation. The longer you stay mired in this cycle, you'll find those goals you're worried about reaching get farther and farther away, the time between binges will continue to shorten, and there's a very real risk of psychosis or death. You've crossed the line into dependence. Once pickled, never a cucumber. You'll never been able to take Adderall "as prescribed" or once in a blue moon again. The sooner you understand that...to your core...the sooner you can get on with recovering from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I've been there. It's terrifying. Your best friend has turned on you. But you need to accept that and summon the will to do something radical to save your life. Good luck.
  4. I have reached a new level of addiction

    Yes, I've been in your position. I went to rehab. You're addicted to speed. Act accordingly.
  5. Boston

    I'll be there for a conference last weekend of July/beginning of August. Would be glad to meet up. PM me if interested.
  6. Yes. Been completely sober since I quit. Was five years in April. Many people on here and IRL who have Adderall issues then have issues drinking. Many of them swear they don't have a problem with booze or anything else, until they've inflicted much pain upon themselves and others for years afterward. Some only have an issue with Adderall, and can drink normally after quitting. If you've been hooked on/abused Adderall, and now think you have a problem with booze, you way more than likely do, and would benefit from staying sober. That's my experience and what I've seen from observing dozens IRL and a few on here.
  7. How do you fix the life Adderall broke?

    Do early recovery "right" this time and you'll never have to do it again. There is zero risk of over-treating yourself early on.
  8. Long-term quitters: Any lingering issues?

    I just got back from Breakthrough at Caron. One of the most powerful experiences of my life. Worth every penny. I couldn’t suggest going any stronger, especially if you’ve got some time (at least 1-2 years, so you know what you’re dealing with isn’t just PAWS) and are dealing with lingering issues. I’ve just learned that many of mine are emotional and not related to ADD, and have clarity on what I need to work on going forward. I’m no longer punching at shadows. I am SO full of hope right now. https://www.caron.org/our-programs/breakthrough-at-caron
  9. I fell again, hard. This invisible demon is torturing me.

    Addiction robs us of our free will. The intellectual framework is pretty clear in my mind. It takes persistence and a lot of internal work to regain your "agency" after you quit. But it's SO worth it.
  10. Prevagen

    Sorry to hear you're struggling, Q1. Keep after it. "This too shall pass."
  11. Relapse..

    Just beyond those feelings of hopelessness and being overwhelmed is tremendous growth. But you've got to see them through. Get back on the horse.
  12. Finally Finding Strength

    Far from it. You're just starting to come alive.
  13. Finally Finding Strength

    That "word salad" is brutal. It gets significantly better. Brain's just figuring out new neural pathways and occasionally misfires. I'm no neurologist but I think that's what's happening. I joined Toastmasters about 18 months ago and it's really helped. .
  14. Went on a date with a girl on Adderall. Relapse.

    Danquit - Be extra vigilant these next few weeks. There is a tradition on here and IRL of people having a slip, aggressively and immediately claiming “it was stupid and no big deal and a learning experience and it’ll have been a good thing etc” Maybe. But on some level you've reactivated that neural pathway, regardless of your ex-ante intention or ex-post rationalization. You’re vulnerable right now. Sounds like you are processing and I’m glad you came here to share about it but my point stands: be careful.
  15. Five Years

    To My Beloved QA Community, On Friday, I had 5 years off Adderall. Kind of hard to believe. I've now been off Adderall (and all other substances) almost as long as I used it. Instead of a magnum opus, see below for some of my favorite posts. This process is hard. Quitting and staying quit has to be THE number 1 priority in your life to get through the early stages. Thank you to Mike for creating this site and showing me I wasn't alone. Thank you to the members of the forums who have been on here since I joined who, at critical times, reminded me there was no way I could go back to using Adderall successfully. And thank you to the newcomers on here. By sharing our experience, we get far more out of it than you do. My life today is insanely good, and THANK GOD it didn't go the way I "planned" early on. I'm in a great relationship, have real, intimate friendships, am close with my family, own a business that's on fire, do meaningful, fulfilling work, and have a relationship with a power greater than myself that relieves me of the neurotic, self-sabotaging insanity that Adderall put into turbo drive on a daily basis if I"m willing to reach out and ask for help. To those of you who are out there still struggling: There is a way out. You don't have to live like this anymore. It all starts with getting some time away from the drug. By any means necessary. Every time I've felt hopeless the last five years, EVERY TIME, enormous growth was waiting just around the corner. I love you all. - David