hyper_critical

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About hyper_critical

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  1. A year off adderall and in a bit of a slump

    Maybe. These boards are littered with people who rationalized their way back into trying it again and had terrible results. What a gift. Get after it. Everyone has problems. I guarantee you'll still have problems. Life is about the quality of your problems. The only quote I have posted up at my office comes from Felix Adler: "The purpose of man's life is not happiness but worthiness." Find something meaningful and work at it. Great job getting this far. Keep on truckin'!
  2. Long-term quitters: Any lingering issues?

    Update: The revelatory "high" after getting out wore off (Pink Cloud 2.0), I experienced some agita, and now I think I'm in a period of synthesis where I am growing and becoming an even better version of myself than I could have hoped for in early recovery. Keto/Carnivore for weeks now, at my lowest weight in two years. Business on fire. Operating at a new level cognitively. By this, I don't mean getting off talking at people. I mean processing and articulating ideas with equanimity in an effective way. Big fan of Jordan Peterson's new book. Getting off and staying off Adderall is SO hard. But if you can stick it out through those first couple years, tremendous growth is possible.
  3. Absolutely. It's funny though - the parts I was worried about giving up are parts now I realize were REALLY offputting to people. They like me a lot more now. And I've learned I'm FAR more effective in business and my personal life actually engaging with people, not just talking at/over them. For sure. Meditation helps. But re-orienting outside the cycle of jacked up then crashing is difficult. For me, it's had far-reaching implications, from how I eat, sleep, activity, etc. Takes a lot of trial and error and working through frustration. But that means you're on the right path! I'd say for a lot of us, I had to give up the illusion that I could control who I'd become on the other side of all this. And THANK GOD, because I'm becoming a man far better than I would have been if things had worked out the way I "planned."
  4. One year is huge. Your second year is at least as big, in different ways. Every time you feel hopeless, tremendous growth is just around the corner. There's a little on my progression in this post... Keep after it!
  5. I have reached a new level of addiction

    From your post, it's clear you're in the grips of amphetamine addiction. Number one priority for you should be to stop and stay stopped. If you can't seem to do that on your own, I advise enlisting the help of professionals. Everything else is just conversation. The longer you stay mired in this cycle, you'll find those goals you're worried about reaching get farther and farther away, the time between binges will continue to shorten, and there's a very real risk of psychosis or death. You've crossed the line into dependence. Once pickled, never a cucumber. You'll never been able to take Adderall "as prescribed" or once in a blue moon again. The sooner you understand that...to your core...the sooner you can get on with recovering from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I've been there. It's terrifying. Your best friend has turned on you. But you need to accept that and summon the will to do something radical to save your life. Good luck.
  6. I have reached a new level of addiction

    Yes, I've been in your position. I went to rehab. You're addicted to speed. Act accordingly.
  7. Boston

    I'll be there for a conference last weekend of July/beginning of August. Would be glad to meet up. PM me if interested.
  8. Yes. Been completely sober since I quit. Was five years in April. Many people on here and IRL who have Adderall issues then have issues drinking. Many of them swear they don't have a problem with booze or anything else, until they've inflicted much pain upon themselves and others for years afterward. Some only have an issue with Adderall, and can drink normally after quitting. If you've been hooked on/abused Adderall, and now think you have a problem with booze, you way more than likely do, and would benefit from staying sober. That's my experience and what I've seen from observing dozens IRL and a few on here.
  9. How do you fix the life Adderall broke?

    Do early recovery "right" this time and you'll never have to do it again. There is zero risk of over-treating yourself early on.
  10. Long-term quitters: Any lingering issues?

    I just got back from Breakthrough at Caron. One of the most powerful experiences of my life. Worth every penny. I couldn’t suggest going any stronger, especially if you’ve got some time (at least 1-2 years, so you know what you’re dealing with isn’t just PAWS) and are dealing with lingering issues. I’ve just learned that many of mine are emotional and not related to ADD, and have clarity on what I need to work on going forward. I’m no longer punching at shadows. I am SO full of hope right now. https://www.caron.org/our-programs/breakthrough-at-caron
  11. I fell again, hard. This invisible demon is torturing me.

    Addiction robs us of our free will. The intellectual framework is pretty clear in my mind. It takes persistence and a lot of internal work to regain your "agency" after you quit. But it's SO worth it.
  12. Prevagen

    Sorry to hear you're struggling, Q1. Keep after it. "This too shall pass."
  13. Relapse..

    Just beyond those feelings of hopelessness and being overwhelmed is tremendous growth. But you've got to see them through. Get back on the horse.
  14. Finally Finding Strength

    Far from it. You're just starting to come alive.
  15. Finally Finding Strength

    That "word salad" is brutal. It gets significantly better. Brain's just figuring out new neural pathways and occasionally misfires. I'm no neurologist but I think that's what's happening. I joined Toastmasters about 18 months ago and it's really helped. .