tessa0412

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About tessa0412

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  1. Believing in ourselves

    This reminded me of a thought i had that j kept in my head all day and it was a lightbulb moment for me it was simply..::im in charge of ny body:: me the me thats been around for 26 years not the monster of adderall for 5 years. Me . Im in charge
  2. defeated

    I apprrcoate these bombs i need it as remjnders i screen shot that response as my backroubd on phone. Im doing good . Using still around day 10...13 so ive stretched it but not good enoigh. do i give myself credit.? I struggle with that
  3. defeated

    Another roubd of 3-4 days of binging but u managed to steal them each time i feel like defeated . Ive been here before and im just so sad for myswld
  4. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!

    @blesbro...nailed it Nailed it. For one im super hard on myself i dont even fealize it but the lightnulb went on in theraoy when i was about to give my self credit for something and hesitated..her mentioning that and me seeing it from outsidd of myself has helped me notice now when it hapens or is Bout too. It will take years or who really knows till i can feel secure and confident and proud of myself. I def make it alot harder than it is and i almost have to laugh because as i was reading that in ur post my brain goes...ok im makong it harder than it is things could br worse but does that mean im comparring myself to others to make myself feel better? Shouldny i fully embrace this shit so i can wipe the dust off my hands and be free from it? Than on and on the mind train goesa
  5. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!

    Defibitly do delte bit i go back . My phone is key for it. Sometimes i leave it st home when im at work. I deinitly know and understand the tools to stay positive and sober im in therapy and everything so its frustrating that i can wake up journal feel good eat good say today is going to b a good one than i get to wherever im going and if add is there boom i go for it. Sometimes very rarely i have strong will power. If i stay sober for months will i still have that weak willpower?
  6. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!

    Well i havent had a presxription in 5 years. I no... i get it from people dealers .. steal it ita bad so i ushually go off 5-8 days than get some and binge for 3
  7. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!

    Im able to sleep through the night its just frustrating because when i wake up i realized i didnt use and it was juzt a dream but than i want to use. Also caved yesterday back to day 1
  8. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!

    Day 6. But let me tell u i hate the dreams they are enough to say fuck it. Every damn night i use in my dreams . Ive always remembered my dreams every morning and have been a vivid dreamer so its like i cant escape it . Last night my aunt and my grandma even used adderall? Ha wtf? And i of cpurse stole it all
  9. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!

    Feels good to be experiencing a very cool life event like this SOBER . Thank god
  10. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!

    Thanks guys! Day 3 on my way to look at wedding venues yez im getting married:) ive also finally made my ancupuncture appointment .. anyone ever tryed this??? Apparently helps with addiction...
  11. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!

    Day 1confirmed.I like this idea I left my phone at home today and just have my kindle at work. Not having access to add dealers helps me... also makes me feel like a child but gotta do what I gotta do. Just for today I stay sober...even as I write that I feel fake or nervous tho..cuz if given the chance I'm afraid I'll fail
  12. Does this happen to anyone else?

    for the answer somwhere late at nigt after a binge like u said ( i of course hope u don't actually do this) than ur search or mine atleast always brings me back to this site... i come back on and off on and off much similar to my addiction. years of the same pattern and cycles. and when i come back i no reading everything gives me that feel good change but the kind of feel good that happens though with in before after and during some rough emotional inner work kind of pain.. therefore i leave often. it just blows my mind how similar we all are i sware every time i come to this site i choose a thread to read and i have to scroll up to see if i wrote it.. we sound so similar. its insane.. even the words we choose. i tottaly and completly do the exact same thing u mentioned and whats crazier is that the other night i was up late doing so and had these great plans that physically and mentally felt amazing like theres no way i wont do this tommarow ect. and i remember the other night i thought u know what i do this alot i bet tommarow it will be gone.. it was and i pondrered on that and than havent thougt about it again till i read this post just now... insane. we are all patternized cycle running conditioned little addie addicts and i feel like since we all go though the exact same thing or since i do than i should consider the thought that this is real. serious.
  13. ..looking to find some supplements vitamins To help gain some brain power back or put back what I lost with adderall binge/ addiction. Currently have l tyrosine I heard of l carnitine and curious if anyone knows anything About it
  14. Can't relate to the positive wanna get sober me

    Hey guys sorry for not coming back I like the idea of thinking of the positives and finding the neg so when I get craving I can pin point which false positive it was.. I've been on adderall 6 years first 2 prescribed with occasional abuse than the last 4 have been abuse
  15. I'm in therapy and aware of how bad I am with this yet I turn it off and use a week later even if I've been self controlled positive or had a great day no lack of energy or anything I just fkin take it than I do that for couple weeks completing avoiding my issues and refusing to do anything positive for myself and right Now that's where I am I like cant identify with myself right now Anyone Else feel this way ever? Like I'm trying to tap into the motivation fire under ur but feeling the feeling of holy shit my life is way to important to throw away.. And I can't tap Into it I can't relate even tho this is what I want and I Know I can do it. Help