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About Kathleen

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  • Birthday December 4

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    Love, art, music, Sharpies, neon spray paint, Yoshi

    Life should be colorful.

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  1. 20 Months Later

    Thank you, everyone. Means a lot.
  2. 20 Months Later

    Zerokewl, you've already started a new life by putting down the Adderall. That was BITCH for me...I was obsessed with my weight, that "euphoric" buzz, and how I felt so grandiose while on the drug. Once I let it go...and my body started feeling replenished with food, thought, sleep and yoga....I started feeling things again. The depression was painful, but I think the Adderall had been a blanket on it the whole time...basically I was covering up issues with drug use. I went to my doctor and cried and said that I just wanted to feel like there was light again and I was at the end of my rope. That's when I decided to start taking Wellbutrin..which also helped me with quitting cigs. I haven't smoked them since I quit adderall--I associate them with Adderall. My Dad is a Pharmacist in the military. From day 1 of my Adderall journey--he was terrified...didn't want to see his daughter become a victim of amphetamine abuse. There's really just no winning with Adderall. You get to a point where you have to start taking a higher dose, sometimes you can feel it, sometimes you can't...and you start to become some person that is oddly motivated to do random things from a drug. I am rooting for all of you. I still struggle sometimes with the idea of how skinny I was and how I liked that--but it wasn't normal--it isn't normal. JustinW, Thank you for your nice comment. There is hope for everyone in these forums. It just takes the desire to want a positive change. My heart is with you all.
  3. 20 Months Later

    Anxiety is still sometimes an issue with me. I am currently taking Wellbutrin and kolonpin(only for panic attacks)..and I have seen great results. Zerokewl, stick with it...I call the months you're going through..the "struggle".....but after awhile....Adderall use becomes a nightmare from the past...and motivation...it comes naturally. It was hard, I am not going to lie...but I also had situations all around me that were stressful. After addy, I went through a terrible breakup, I was living in my grandmothers basement, I couldn't focus at work..and I was deeply depressed. You can do this. I know you can:)
  4. 20 Months Later

    If I can do it....anyone can....I assure you. Me 2 years ago: Psycho girlfriend, quality of life: low, Googling until 5 am even on work nights the most pointless things, days without food, dry mouth, endless cigarettes, seating over my next refill--- just a mess. My heart goes out to everyone who is experiencing the Adderall battle. You can do it....
  5. 20 Months Later

    Hey...I haven't been here in QUITE some time. My story is posted- I think it's still up- it was posted in April 2012. I was a train wreck. Since then, the journey has not been an easy one...but holy hell...I am a person again. I haven't taken Adderall since November 2012. I NEVER in a million years thought I would actually quit or ever stop. It was fun to think about...and then I actually decided no more. Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy...I went through depression, weight gain, "friends",loneliness....but you know what came out of this "struggle"? ME. I can eat again, I have quality people around me, I'm in the gym, I don't look like a corpse, I'm not sweating for a 20mg and sleep is something I smile about. Adderall is a fucking nightmare and every time I hear about someone taking it or on it- it makes me nervous--HIGHLY nervous. I'm obviously not rail thin(size 6 or 8 now), I'm not able to do 24 hours work loads and not everything is "fun" like it was on speed(these things aren't normal..)---BUT...I am human again..I sleep, I eat, and my future seems bright. I wish I would have utilized this site more during my "struggle"...but I suppose everyone handles things differently. I am here to tell you that Adderall is the devil, but it is something that you CAN get out of your life. I'd also like to thank everyone on this website who read my crazy posts and messages and cared.
  6. Dear Wellbutrin, Thank you.

    You're right--the nature of an SSRI is completely different than a NARCOTIC. I don't think I would be where I am right now without the Wellbutrin. My head was severely screwed after years of Adderall. I'm all for medicine..but of course I've had to take measures in many areas to get better off Adderall on my own...the Wellbutrin has aided in bringing my head back to normality. I highly recommend this option to anyone who is still struggling with Adderall.
  7. Dear Wellbutrin, Thank you.

    Ashley, <3 Thank you. Thank you for always being there and helping me through this battle, girl.
  8. I don't think it's my business to tell anyone to take or look into SSRIs, but I feel like they are helping me reach normality again. I drained my brain out of dopamine, I was exhausted, feeling depressed-like the world was dark, couldn't stop crying and I knew I'd turn to Adderall. Adderall was initially prescribed to me to fix the following issues I addressed, when really I needed to be on an antidepressant.
  9. What Made You Quit... please help

    I hate Adderall. I know EXACTLY what you're feeling. Been down that road a bunch of times...I've "quit" on and off and I've been clean again. What made me stop? Looking in the mirror and seeing a dead, lifeless person at 26 in the reflection. Becoming exhausted from staying up all night and panicking. Googling nothing. Being weird. High highs, low lows. The more you grip that bottle..the more nights you will have like what you posted about.
  10. Dear Wellbutrin, Thank you.

    If you've read my up and down roller coaster ride with amphetamine drugs for the past 6 years, then you know how horribly I've been struggling with "quitting"(aka breaks) and then back onto the grind. I think I'm just freaking over Adderall. It's tiring to even think about. I called my parents upset again after feeling depressed, fatigue, like the whole world was dark...and wondering "Does this mean I need Adderall or is this how withdrawal feels...?" MMMM...I couldn't stop feeling so tired, laid in bed for weeks feeling down about a broken heart,reflecting the damage I'd caused on/off/on/off Adderall and I finally was just like.."This shit isn't working for me, my life is not going to continue like this." I went to the doctor, told her how I felt, she told me I needed to stay on the Adderall in moderation. (Hell no) I told her I wasn't there for a narcotic...but for an SSRI. She diagnosed me as "clinically depressed"(after some questioning) and I started taking the 150mg of Wellbutrin. I felt terrible the first few days--like nauseous drugged out and fatigue...but after about 6 days...I started feeling-what I identify as-"CLEAR". My cravings for Adderall haven't been around for a few weeks, and I feel like I'm finally in a mindset that can begin to make rational, adult choices. I've been going to Yoga, thinking about my future in a more creative, peaceful field. I want to find something I am passionate about, something I can wake up and feel like I am contributing to or making a difference. I'm looking into Aveda schools for massage therapy...my degree from Auburn, mmmm...not considering utilizing it any longer. I don't want to live life going 120 MPH anymore. It's weird, I'm actually focused at work now too without Adderall. I was initially put on Adderall as a quick fix for my depression, lethargy and mild ADHD. I think if I would have given Wellbutrin a chance back then, I wouldn't be on the road I have been. I believe that my head has been off balance for awhile and I'm feeling things I haven't felt in over a decade...normality. Wellbutrin has been a great help...I feel like it's been leveling me out back into a regular person...and not some strung out junkie on and off Adderall. <3
  11. How does recovery happen?

    Take it from me, the 2.5 cheats will turn into 10mg cheats which turn into "??" cheats.
  12. New Job-Tempted to take again

    Ash, Adderall made me FAIL some classes at Auburn University. I was borderline experiencing psychosis during some of my exams...so I can feel you on the laughing at the transcripts..because I "lol" at some of the classes I thought I was ballin out in. I ended up graduating, but barely remember any of my final exams because I hadn't slept in days. Drank a lot of alcohol back then too. Bahh. Let me know how school is going--I'm interested to hear:)
  13. New Job-Tempted to take again

    Evie, I work a serious job that I became accustomed to being number 1 on Adderall. I'd be lying if I said that not taking Adderall and coming here was easy...but it takes a piece of strength and confidence to move forward. You're starting something NEW and FRESH--get to know your new place of work without the drugs. Whenever I'm at my desk--I see things that trigger me and remind me of the speeding...It isn't easy...but you've gone 4 months. What an accomplishment you should be proud of. I'm rooting for you.
  14. Heading to rehab in the am

    Edie, I am happy that you have made a great choice for yourself. I hope that you not only kick the habits, but find inner peace and happiness. You've always been so supportive and kind to the people on these forums, especially me...and I want nothing but the best for you!
  15. 90 days and feeling depressed

    Don't do it. Take it from someone who's relapsed and has to start allover again. That intial buzz from the Adderall will give you guilt beyond belief. It will only start the process allover again. It's the demon(addiction) wanting to be fed. Adderall will make it worse...and I know how feeling lost-alone feels...but it feels nowhere near how AWFUL being jacked up and alone feels. You've come this far. Continue on the good path...you have so many new and exciting things coming your way. Do not fear change and don't bring Adderall with you to your future...each day it is becoming more and more a part of your past. Love you girl. Message me if you need me!