sciencesuccess

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  1. Never a good time to quit.. amirite?

    @JustinW An excellent point, thanks for the great insight. The drugs expanded the lines of what I thought was my maximum potential, now that the short term benefits are gone, I can use that experience to try and reach that potential without drugs, IN THE LONG TERM, and for the rest of my life, sustainably. A great positive spin and a way to turn what I thought was a speed bump into an opportunity for improvement. Thanks for this, it's seems ideological and broad, but that mental perspective shift changes a lot for me.
  2. Never a good time to quit.. amirite?

    Here's me: The set up: I've always had ADD concentration issues and laziness. I've always felt like I wasn't fulfilling my potential of doing great things for the world and my family. For all my life, even since elementary school, teachers, family, and friends always told me my "work ethic and laziness" (really it was my inability to concentrate or gather motivation, likely a minor dopamine deficiency) was limiting a major gift for intelligence and creativity. I've always had this idea that if I just tried harder, everything I wanted could be mine, and everything I wanted to do I could accomplish. The trigger: My latest endeavor is starting a political organization, which I firmly believe, if successful, will have an incredibly positive effect on the world, and also provide for my family. Of course, my focus, disorganization, and motivation was the main limiting factor. Then my mother (always been pushing for me to get on ritalin since I was a kid), handed me a vileful of adderall XR, from a script her husband doesn't use, for the purpose of losing weight (she's basically a stepford wife in real life, it's funny). Now as an adult, hooked on coffee and occassionally nicotine, I wasn't resistant, and decided to pop 1 1/2, to feel a buzz during some boring web design. The honeymoon: It was incredible, what I expected to take me three days, I finished in 7 hours, and in the midst of working, I did everything I always wanted to but could never had the discipline for: I ate only the healthiest of food, I exercised efficiently, I got back in touch with friends but without ignoring other obligations, I sent a love letter to my wife, etc. So i started taking it every other day or so, and then every day. It was incredible. I'm horrible at public speaking, my voice shakes, I screw up words, and I'm monotone and boring. I was scheduled for the biggest speech I had ever given. With extra adderall, three cups of coffee and a couple cigarettes beforehand, my speech somehow became passionate and energetic. I pounded my fist on the podium at one point, not ever practicing that. I got a standing ovation, and several other requests for more speaking engagements. I dealt with people who had always given me a hard time like a God. It was awesome. Plus, the political organization I'm starting really began to take off faster and with more energy then I had even hoped for. The crash: But OF COURSE, I overreached. My tolerance shot up after too many sleepless nights working, too much caffeine and adderall, not enough healthy food, circadian rythyms out of whack etc. I never upped my dosage too high (took 50mg a day at the peak of tolerance), knowing that it was a battle I'd never be able to win, but I tried combining it with other drugs like modafinil, piracetam, and massive amounts of caffeine, nicotine, and other weird herbal stuff with thermogenic and CNS stimulating effects. I slept only odd hours, only ate in a last ditch effort to give myself calories and nutrients, and eventually, my brain functioned even worse than before adderall. Plus, I lost my place in the world. Not only could I not produce, but I couldn't be appreciative of anything, I didn't enjoy anything but accomplishment, and I had none. I felt like a fish out of water flopping around on a deck with no hope of getting back in the ocean. Eventually, after I missed an incredibly important deadline despite more effort than I'd even given, I broke down, and cried for ten minutes. I'd never failed at anything important that I put my full effort into, only things that I could attribute to laziness or disorganization. I've never cried since being a kid for more than a quick 2 seconds at a sad movie or a funeral. At the same time, I ran out of adderall. I purposefully didn't get more from my mother (source of medication) before she went on a month long vacation. I thought it was the right thing to do 3 weeks before the crash, but didn't anticipate the extent of my problems in the future, and didn't think withdrawal would be anything to worry about. Now heres the problem: I'm in the midst of withdrawal, day 5. It's killing me. My mind knows I'm in one of the most important parts of my life up until now, and yet I can't muster motivation to action. I'm about to send out a campaign to a little over a million people, I'm a week late already, and I can't get it together. It's like I set up an environment for me to be successful with adderall, but not without it. How do I mitigate the damage? How do I keep moving forward? All the info on this site suggests I just take a vacation and jerk off for a month or two as my brain starts to heal, but I REALLY don't want to let go of this opportunity. I've worked harder for it than anything else I've ever done. And luckily, (actually luckily, I had nothing to do with this, just the way the cards fell), my motivation for this project isn't just fueled by the adderall. This is my calling in life, it's the best way to give my personality to the world, and the thing that makes me feel the most alive. Any advice? Your experience and your wisdom as a community of people who have likely been through the same type of struggle is invaluable to me. I'm smart enough to know that I'm not smart enough / don't have enough time to get smart enough to figure this out on my own.
  3. Hi all, Modafinil is great for combatting sleepiness and a few other adderal withdrawal symptoms. Modafinil is a drug made for sleepiness disorders like narcolepsy, or for night shift workers like EMTs to stay alert. You need a prescription for it. If you already have an addy script, then you won't have a hard time asking your doctor for modafinil, as it's approved for adhd, fatigue etc. all the same symptoms that addy is prescribed for. You can also buy it fairly cheaply (25 cents /pill or so + $25 shipping) from India. It's illegal, but it's only a Class IV drug, so law enforcement won't care in the U.S., very very very low risk of any trouble. I used to take modafinil along with adderall for an extra boost, especially during nighttime work binges, it was much better at keeping you awake than adderall and caffeine. It's not the same as an amphetamine, but certainly has a CNS stimulating effect, without the flood of dopamine like adderall (however, I suspect there is a mild dopamine reuptake inhibition, because motivation and focus for work increases VERY slightly with it, nothing close to even a low dose of adderall). It's been great for staving off the sleepiness of adderall withdrawal, one of the worst parts of the immediate withdrawal. It also won't get you high, and is very very difficult to abuse. Taking too much will just create uncomfortable vasoconstriction, and maybe chest pain, but no euphoria, and the wakefulness effects don't really increase more than the reccomended dosage anyways. It takes about 4 hours to fully kick in, and lasts for a while. If you take it in the morning, you won't be able to sleep deeply until 8 or so. So make sure to take it early. Highly recommended for taking the edge off, and not letting adderall withdrawal affect (as much) your ability to do great things in the world like you used to. Note: too much caffeine/nicotine in combination may produce uncomfortable vaso-constriction, good thing to be mindful of. Especially since it takes 4 hours to "peak" (doesn't really peak, come up and come down is very gradual), it can be easy to load up on energy drinks and whatnot thinking it's not working enough, and then be stuck in a sweaty tweak later on.
  4. THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE!!

    Keep it going Freedom Wings'! My advice: reply every day even if you take addy. You'll still receive support, and one slip up will only be a speed bump instead of a roadblock. Just stay involved, no matter how much addy you do or don't take. That's the most important thing. Make staying involved, mindful, and active in your addiction a higher priority even than the actual quitting. It seems counterintuitive, but our brains don't work like computers, and this attitude will give you the best chances at long term change.