ChrisK

Hello my fellow quitters! Looks like we all have a story to tell. It blows my mind how many different paths or journeys have lead all us here to the same place. My Adderall usage spans out over a 6 year period and I can honestly say that I could right a book about it. I think it would be a top seller too, after all, it would include drugs, sex and money coupled with addiction and depression. Definitely a New York Times best seller! But I really can't go in to all that right now because I have a date with my daughter at 9pm to watch The Walking Dead which I am looking forward to. What I want t share with you guys I'm sure has been said here before, Heck, there is a good chance that no one will ever read this but I felt compelled to post it because it might just help one person out there stop using and that is so worth it to me. My addictions included not just Adderall but pain pills, klonopin, coke, cigarettes and weed. (I hope I'm allowed to say those things on here??) I say addiction but I think the better term is "dependent" but either way I needed and wanted those things everyday. About a year ago, my world came crashing down and I fell into a deep, dark depression. I wanted to end my life, in fact, I was going to. It seemed like the only option I had. I read somewhere that committing suicide is like a person jumping from the 88th floor in a burning building. It's not that they want to jump, it's just the better option between that or burning in a fire. My mom, who is my angel, knew what was going on and saved my life by asking me to just wait a while. I'm glad I did because now my wife still has a husband, my mom still has her son and most importantly, my daughter still has her daddy! That kicked off my first attempt to quit Adderall and everything. I lasted 3 months and then I started using again. I was fired from my job, the only job I have ever loved, and going back to work made me feel like I needed Adderall, so I started taking it. I felt like a failure but I knew I wanted to be drug free, I just didn't know how to get there. I was back to smoking, using and everything else when I got fired from my most recent job which lasted 3 whole months. How pathetic is that, right? With no job and an expensive drug habit, I knew I had to do something. This is where it gets interesting. About 2 months ago, I was looking for some pain pills when I was offered some Suboxone. I had heard about it before and really debated on whether or not I should buy some. I thought, well, if I can't find the good stuff, I'll just take this until someone calls me. Now, I am not saying it was a miracle drug that allowed me to stop everything cold turkey, however, what it did do was change my way of thinking long enough for me to turn my life around. I took a very low dose (1mg) every other day for about a week or so. I instantly stopped craving everything, and I mean everything! It even lifted my depression and I felt normal, to the point that I literally cried after about a week! Suboxone has a long half life, 72 hours I think, so I knew it was a matter of time before it wore off and I would be back to my old ways. But I felt SO good that I thought I'd finally start sleeping right, eating right and working out again to see if it would help me by the time the suboxone was out of my system. I'm a little over a month in to my "revelation" and it has been amazing! I am getting up every morning, eating healthy, working out and I spend my time listening to Joel Osteen. I'm not part of any organized religion but I do believe in God and that in order for him to help us, our minds have to be free and clear of any chemicals that are altering our brains. But I know He is with me now and that he had a plan for me this whole time. But what I find amazing are the little things. I am able to cope and deal with stress so much better now. I have emotions! I laugh, I cry, I get happy and sometimes I get sad. I think what brings me down the most is when I have to come to terms with the fact that I have hurt a lot of people these past several years, good people, people that I love and people that I miss. I try not to dwell on it but I do still have a life of regret that I have to deal with everyday. Well it's 9pm and I am off to watch our show. I do want to say that I am not a big advocate for suboxone or religion or whatever else that has helped me, but this is my story for now and I am happier today than I have been in a very long time. Good luck to all of you and God Bless!