_j3ss__

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About _j3ss__

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  • Birthday 06/04/1990

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  1. 3 Years of Adderall. Ready to Quit.

    Chris, this is exactly how I felt 4 months ago when I stumbled across this website. Things happen for a reason. Please, quit now. I was addicted to adderall because of college also. But, its not worth it. Stop letting a stupid little pill destroy the person that you are. What would you rather have: one day full of accomplishments in college that will be insignificant in a few years? or one day full of genuine happiness?
  2. I want my life back.

    I think so many people can relate to your post. Just know that if you quit now, you WILL feel again. I'm also an overachiever, so adderall really fuels that fire in me. It helps me get so many things done in a day. But, you know what feels even better? Getting ONE thing done without adderall in a day and knowing that you put a lot of work and concentration into it. That you didn't just pop a pill to get it done. I was addicted for 5 years throughout college and even 2 years after college. I decided to quit 4 months ago because I also realized that I no longer had any emotions. Everyone around me would be laughing about something and I would just be trying to fake a laugh to fit in. But now, I'm so in touch with my emotions. I have never loved my life more than I do now. It will get better, I really really promise you. Just think about it this way...if you dont quit TODAY, you will continue to live a life where you depend upon a pill to get through the day. Seize the opportunity to become yourself again and to not depend on a pill to succeed. The pill doesnt make you smarter, it just "cracks" you out and makes you able to be "super human." If you ever need to talk, let me know!
  3. It's been almost 4 months since I've been off of adderall. I never thought it was possible to be where I am today. The happiness that I experience on a daily basis is overwhelming. I'm finally in touch with reality again. I'm able to live my life for me, and not for a pill. For those who think that adderall is a "miracle pill", you're wrong. Yes, it helps keep you awake and "alert", but its not the only option to helping you deal with ADHD. Since going off of adderall, I've been prescribed Strattera-which is a non-stimulant ADHD medicine. I've continued to get 100's on every one of my biology exams in college. Adderall is not your only option. I thought it was the only way I could succeed, but its not true. I basically just wanted to write this post to say that 4 months ago I was in a very deep depression. I was dependent on adderall. I spent hundreds of dollars on getting more adderall after my prescription ran out. I lived for my next pill. I took it any time I needed a fix. I couldn't imagine ever EVER EVER being off of adderall. I couldn't imagine a life without it. I also forgot what true happiness was. I forgot what it felt like to laugh until tears streamed down your face. 4 months later, I cant even imagine a life WITH adderall. I'd be lying to say there hasnt been temptations, but every day I get through is another day without it. I've been genuinely happy these past few months and I've had countless moments where I have laughed so hard that I cried. Don't let this drug ruin your life. You think that you can't get off of it, but you can. I was addicted for 5 years and quitting adderall was the best decision I have ever made in my life. Please contact me if you need any help or advice. I'm here for anybody that needs the help.
  4. 12 days off of adderall & I feel amazing

    quit-once, i just couldnt stand being a zombie to adderall anymore. It really hit me over these past few months because I was no longer in college anymore but living at home and taking a class. When I went to college, the 4 years I abused adderall wasnt unusual on the college campus. Alot of my friends were doing it. So I thought my behavior was normal. I've now realized that its far from normal. I felt like my life revolved around adderall and I was just going through the motions of life. I wasn't actually living my life. Not only that, but every time someone told me I was a "genius" for getting straight A's in hard biology classes I didnt actually felt like I deserved that compliment. I contributed my success to adderall. I'm tired of that. What keeps me going is somethign that I read in one of the forums on the day I decided to quit. It said something along the lines of "If you don't quit today than you will continue to become worse and worse of an adderall junkie." It hit me that I don't want this to be the rest of my life. I'm about to apply to Physician Assistant school and my addiction will only get worse. I'm about to be 24 years old, it's time to get control of my life and it's time to accept that I might not always get perfect grades, but I can still achieve my goals while enjoying life to the fullest. Off topic of the questions you've asked me. I've found that over the past 2 weeks I've become so passionate about random things. I want to redo my room and I've been finding a bunch of crafts to take on. I read a book for 45 minutes and if I lose focus and want to sleep, I let myself take a nap. I just decided to learn an instrument. Little things that require small attention spans and reward me for my concentration. It's been great!
  5. 12 days off of adderall & I feel amazing

    Oh, also! I have 3 tips that have gotten me through the past 12 days. 1. If you are tired, sleep. I hate sleeping my day away because it feels like a waste of a day. But I also know that my body is recovering from a long period of amphetamine abuse. It needs time to heal. So I sleep whenever my body tells me to. 2. If you are hungry, eat. Adderall is essentially a pill of sugar that depletes your appetite. It's been so long since I have enjoyed food this much. I'm allowing myself 30 days to eat as much as I want before I decide to start exercising and dieting. 3. Live life a day at a time. Every hour that you resist any temptation is an hour of success. Eventually, the hours turn into days which will turn into weeks. At times of weakness, I've turned to my friends. When i told my coworkers I was quitting adderall, they supported me and highfived me. They've looked over my lack of energy and mental lapses because I explained to them that every day I am getting better and healing from my addiction. Hope these help!
  6. So it's been 12 days since I found this website and made the decision to quit adderall forever. I made the decision to get my life back. I'll admit, I've been tired and my appetite is back..but these are both worth it because I can feel my spirit coming back as well. For the first time in years, I'm crying from laughing and not just forcing a smile b.c of being an emotionless adderall zombie. I genuinely have passion for things. I was worried I wouldnt have any interest in science anymore b.c I was on adderall during my entire college career to earn a BA in Biology. But I find myself still reading articles online about topics I loved in college as well. It takes more concentration to read the articles, but it's so much better to feel interested instead of "zoned out". My tics that I always had on adderall have gotten better so therefore I'm in less neck and joint pain. I'm not obsessed with cracking my joints. Today I cleaned my entire room and it was the 1st time in years that I wasnt doing it after an adderall binge. I genuinely just wanted a clean room. The best decision I have made in my 23 years of living was to go off of adderall. It's a perfect way to bring in the new year. I hope that anyone else who is addicted and struggling realizes that even 12 days off of adderall can make you feel like you are a different person. It's amazing.
  7. when will we learn??

    I can relate so much to your post. First of all with the shoulder tics...when I'm on a really high dosage I'll roll my shoulders/crack my neck constantly. There are many other tics that I have noticed only show up when I'm on adderall. I also just finished up my bachelors degree last year and yet I've still been on adderall. I dont want to continue my "real life" on this awful drug that steals away my personality. I also find it difficult to laugh. I get annoyed at the littlest things people say. I dont think I could even muster up a tear if I wanted to. No emotion is felt what so ever when I am on adderall...except the occasional burst of anxiety about finishing my work. Not only that, but the depression I experience after a binge is awful. I'm mentally stimulated, physically exhausted and cant find one activity to entertain myself because I find literally nothing enjoyable. I usually just sit in my bed drinking wine and flipping through netflix until sleep finally overcomes me. What made me really want to quit was what you stated at the end of your post-about "how can a husband love me if I dont love me?" I feel the same way. I also don't want to ever miss a moment of emotion when I someday have kids. That is my biggest fear. Missing out on all of the enjoyments that our late-20's will have to offer just because some blue pill gives us the motivation to academically succeed. I don't think its worth it. I chose to quit today, so I'm with you on your journey of quitting! Good luck!
  8. Beyond glad I found this website today

    Thank you so much for the support. Its great that a group like this exists, I had no idea that so many other people struggle with the addiction. Today was the first day that I realized that if I dont stop now, this will be my story for the rest of my life. I want my story instead to be about quitting the addiction and recovering. The sad thing is, I don't even remember who I am without it. I was 18 when I started taking it and so much has happened in the past 5 years. I'm ready to finally let my true personality come through and forever be rid of the robot that adderall makes me. I will keep in touch!
  9. I'm sitting on my couch stimulated but exhausted. I havent slept in 48 hours and studied for 2 finals. I'm fried. I had to call out of work because I knew I would be crashing from adderall during my shift. I realized that I've bought more adderall this month than my prescription even gives me. I've realized that I'm an emotionless zombie. That I struggle to have conversations with my family unless I'm 1) on adderall 2) in euphoria from lack of sleep. I realized that I drink almost every night to come down off of my adderall. That I make calendars to track how many pills I have left...making sure that I have enough to get me through the month. I lose track of how many "mgs" I took in a day. I am done. Genuinely tired of this. I've been tossing the idea around in my head for the past 3 months about quitting once and for all. I've been taking adderall for 4 years now. It's been a downhill journey that I am officially admitting ended with addiction. I don't want to be on this for the rest of my life, I'm only 23. I want to be myself again. I want to not be exhausted when I'm not on a pill. I want to genuinely laugh. I want to not worry about what days of the week will be my "all nighters". I want to get married and have kids and I'll never do that if I'm an adderall junkie. I want today to be the day. I just spent 3 hours on this website and was filled with motivation. Its just the thought of dumping my prescription down the toilet that makes me timid. It's one thing to SAY I wont take adderall...its another thing to not have any left on my so that I have no option but to not take it. I need motivation. Please. I'm so so so ready to get my life back that has been stolen from me since 2009. I want to meet the real me again.