justb32

I started taking adderall 5 years ago, and in the beginning, it was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to me. It was the complete push that my ADD brain needed to get the job done. I had this incredible focus and energy all the time, I lost about 30 lbs and life was good. However, over time, the euphoria wore off and the negatives started outweighing the positives. Over time, my doctor kept increasing my dose which probably made matters worse. Sure, my focus was still there, but I wouldn't sleep for days at a time, fixated on getting whatever project I was working on done, or over-done. It was like being in a trance. My personality also changed from being outgoing and funny, to a socially-awkward hermit. If I had to go to a party or some social event, I would have a complete meltdown and not be able to go out. It also didn't help that I had gained all my weight back…wait, DOUBLE my weight back because my metabolism died from not eating regularly. On top of being in isolation-mode, I was constantly pissed off, irritable and depressed 24-7. I wasn't me anymore, just a raging bull with a high attention to details that not longer mattered. Honestly don't know how my boyfriend of almost 5 years has put up with me this long. Amazingly, It's been over 4 weeks without adderall. I woke up one day and decided that this wasn't the life I wanted anymore, and flushed a whole month prescription down the toliet. I lost who I was a long time ago on this stuff, and I was truly sad. I think you just get to the point where you say enough is enough already. I never thought I could or would quit, but I did. It hasn't been easy, and I know I have a long road ahead, but I already feel like my old self again. Yes, I do feel useless at times, and my focus is not quite up to par yet. Yes, I am pretty exhausted at work sometimes, and don't feel like doing anything. But I'm me again. I laugh and visit friends. I'm so much more calm, not depressed and unbitchy. I'm enjoying my life more and more each day. I'm actually sleeping again and taking better care of myself. Yes, I have about 40 lbs to lose, and it's frustrating, but I'm taking the initiative to better myself inside and out, and with that takes time and patience. Overall, this is the best thing I could have done for myself and those around me, and with that being said, I just wanted to let you guys know there is life after adderall, and an even better one at that. It will take time to adjust, and there will be days of frustration and urges to go back, but you have to remind yourself of all the negatives that got you here in the first place. Whenever I feel like I can't make it own my own, I quickly correct those thoughts by thinking about how bad I felt and how I never want to feel that way ever again. Just be patient with yourself and know that it will get better. It will.[/font][/font]