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Everything posted by Luckyducky

  1. Checking In

    Hi everyone I am doing well 9 days clean it's the longest stretch since September. Well I have to say it's been pretty easy this site has really opened my eyes. I love my hiking therapy and feel positive for the first time. The only problem is my thinking (cognitive) is dead. My daughter had to make a commercial for homework so I waited till the last minute and cannot edit it or figure out how to! It's like my brain can't think to handle new things. I use to be able to do anything on a computer but if it's out of the norm it takes me such a long time. That's what I do for a living so that part is frustrating . I hope I get my brain back??!!!
  2. I'm Tired of Being Tired!!!

    When does your energy come back! I will have some days where I am fine and have a great day and others where I have no motivation and want to stay in bed. I do go to work and do want I need to but anything extra I feel trapped in my body "screaming in my head get up and move!" I am not depressed just lazy!!!
  3. The "first pill" and "abuse"

    Marisa - my addiction started with a prescription and the only reason I started taking my friends is because I outed myself to my doctor and did not want to doctor shop. Addiction is addiction no matter what it is. I spent the first year of my addiction thinking I was different then the meth, heroin, and coke addicts. I also was not like the drunks I was different than the homeless guy with a bottle of booze or the heroin addicts that overdosed with a needle but finally I realize that I am that person I just come in a different package. I know that it will kill or destroy Me if I continue and what's sad 99 percent of people I know would be shocked that I am an addict. I now have sympathy for all addicts in every form..
  4. failure, anxiety, humiliation

    Zerokel-I know that must of hurt but I truly believe that with every door closed another one opens. I also found that I have to schedule my days exp when I am not at work or I sink into a funk and can't seem to move from my room. I get brain fogs and I try to tell my self walk away and come back to it later because the more I try to try to complete a task when I am overwhelmed the more I procrastinate. I had to do a simple spreadsheet it took me forever and I just kept thinking this is only temporary (brain fog) someday I will be better. Going to meetings helps when you see people with a lot of clean time and see their accomplishments are amazing. You may have lost a client but you have given me and so many others encouragement and hope. To me that is priceless !
  5. My best friend, Addy.

    I so get it!!! Welcome to your new journey in life!
  6. Checking In

    Justin- I totally get it! I went out to dinner with some friends and when the bill came I could not for the life of me figure it out. I usually have always been good with numbers in my head but adding 3 items together and adding tax and tip nearly killed me! Lol I also kept telling myself to relax so I didn't look like an idiot
  7. Month plus still hate my lazy ass!

    Frank- When I was in my inpatient program which was also a addiction study program and is tied in with UCLA top doctors...the one thing is the DR/addiction specialist said it takes about 4-6 mths to really feel the difference and start feeling good. They said that is average time for all users. I think if you just hang on 90 more days and reflect back on today you will see a diff. Not that your brain will be completely Healed but you will feel better. When patients went past 4 mths and still felt just as crappy they usually sent them to a psychiatrist who specialized in addiction because sometimes there are underline issues. Give it time I promise you like we used to say once you quit and go back to using it's never the same! Be good to yourself:)))
  8. How did you fight off adderall withdrawals?

    I take 20 mgs of lexapro and it has helped with my irritability. Still so lazy at times... Ugh just waiting it out:)
  9. Month plus still hate my lazy ass!

    I feel you frank! Read up on PAWS I'm sure that Is what your feeling right now. It's easy to see the negative in being sober but I have NEVER met a person that has true sobriety that there life isn't 100 percent better off drugs then on drugs. I also recommend reading about natural ways to induce endorphins. When I detoxed off pain meds my PAWS was horrible! So I made a list of of all natural endorphins boost and did everything on the list for 3 weeks and I started feeling like myself: Dopamine, Serotonin and Endorphins: Simple ways to naturally increase these feel good mood-enhancers: MUSIC – Music is powerful and can move you emotionally. When you’re coming off opiates you’re body probably feels like it’s thawing out. Your bodies probably more sensitive to touch and sound. Good music can absolutely help your mood and get those brain chemicals working again. Try and listen to mostly upbeat music. MEDITATION – Meditation helps the nervous system operate at its best; when done properly this produces optimum levels of serotonin and endorphins. If you’re interested in learning meditation without all the hard work, check out Holosync here. LAUGHTER – Watch a good comedy movie or have a laugh with friends to release endorphins. SUNLIGHT – bright light increases the production of Serotonin in the body. Spending time in the sunlight can absolutely improve your mood and also soothe muscle aches. Tanning beds can be helpful if no sun is shinning. SEX – is a powerful producer of endorphins. A long session can dramatically increase endorphins. When you’re in withdrawal sex can be a very nice escape. ACUPUNCTURE – acupuncture increases circulation and stimulates the release of endorphins. If you haven’t looked into acupuncture while in withdrawal – you might want to try it out, it can be VERY helpful during healing. MASSAGE – stimulates the release of endorphins. Massaging your own scalp and shower massager’s can provide an affordable alternative to expensive treatments. Massage therapy can feel wonderful. HERBS/SUPPLEMENTS – St John’s Wort, 5-HTP and L Tyrosine all can increase serotonin, dopamine and in the brain. Thus easing withdrawal symptoms and shortening withdrawal duration. EXERCISE – is one of the best natural ways to produce both serotonin, dopamine and endorphins. Vigorous exercise is best because the stronger the physical demand you place on your body, the greater the release of endorphins. You should try weight training and high and low intensity exercises. Work out as long as you can. You can also increase serotonin by eating the right foods, including: Eat carbohydrate rich meals and lots of vegetables. Healthy choices include whole grain breads, whole grain pasta, rice, brocolli, spinach lettuce, etc. Eating fat processed foods will do the opposite. Eat better and improve how you feel. (now to contradict myself) Eat sweet foods like chocolate, only a couple squares of good quality chocolate with a high percentage of Cocoa in it can raise these chemicals. Serotonin is naturally occurring in foods like pineapples, bananas, nuts and plums. Get an adequate supply of B vitamins, folic acid and vitamin C because these vitamins play a role in transmitting brain chemicals. Spicy foods like Chile’s, peppers and jalapenos. The heat triggers the release of endorphins, so the spicier the better. Improving serotonin, dopamine and endorphins levels are important for shortening and recovering
  10. She Let it Go

    Hi this is one of the poems that helped me quit. Thank you Jon for encouraging me:) She Let Go Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of fear. She let go of judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go. She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She just let go. She let go of all the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right. She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go. She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go. No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that. In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore. Here’s to giving ourselves the gift of letting go… There’s only one guru ~ you. The author of this poem is unclear. A few sites list Ernest Holmes as the author, another Jennifer Eckert Bernau and still another Rev. Safire Rose. From your Adderall ex-groupie Victoria aka Luckyducky
  11. Marriage is Ending . . .

    Meagain I can truly relate. My marriage is also not in a good state. I have 3 kids and have started therapy. I just want to walk out and move on but I need to take care of myself, my adderall problem and get better. Only Then can I make a rationale decision about my marriage. He has addiction issues and has pills too. We can't fix our husband, marriage nor anything else until we get better. Take care of you First and I promise the Rest will work out the way It's supposed to be.
  12. 20 minutes a day meditation club?

    Thank you cassie! I am going to try it.
  13. Checking In

    Jon I get it I have brain fog bad but I am on a high because I have Not any desire to use these past days at all. I am trying to do things that I used to enjoy B.A. (Before adderall) I only hike on Fridays right now but I plan to incorporate more in the next few weeks. I want to be happy again and I want to enjoy life again and focus on me. I love my kids but I have to find things I that bring me joy or I will be right back to you know who (add).
  14. 20 minutes a day meditation club?

    Ok I want to do the meditation thing. I could only do 10 mins a day because of my crazy kids. Where do I start and how? Any good websites or apps to help a newbie? I usually take a cat nap for my stress/anxiety and hate sleeping during the day so I would love to try this:))
  15. 10 reasons to QUIT ADDERALL

    My big thing on my list was isolation and the horrible depressing crash "I hate my life" guilt crash!
  16. I just have to say something... I started using adderall to help me with the detox off pain meds. I am now 2 yrs into my adderall addiction and getting off that 9 days clean. Trust me you think getting off addy is hard pail pills is 100x worse. Sorry I do not recommend using anything to replace or help withdraws from your addiction unless it's a new hobby, exercise or any healthy habit. Say nope to dope and ugh to drugs... Just kidding
  17. Dilemma lock box ???

    So my 7 yr old is on adderall. I had the dr try every non stimulant but his behavior was out of control. If it was just at home but school Became such an issue so I started him on concerta (bad side affects) so We switched him to adderall and seems to be working and he is doing amazing. My plan is to take him off summer and try homeopathic and others things. I will also make sure he gets a teacher who tolerates/gets him. I hated put him on this and feel guilty . He is also in therapy teaching him positive behavior and to control his impulsiveness. He was in the office all the time and he started hating himself. He now loves himself and is thriving in school. No more parent complaints. Anyways it's my biggest trigger ever. I have fallen off 30 day clean twice getting his scripts. His dr knows am an addict. I have to give it to him 60 mins before school starts. I tried giving It to the teen but that did not go so well. There are these pill lock boxes that dispense once a day. They are very $$$$ any thoughts on this. Any Other ideas???i work at his school and can't give it to help
  18. Dilemma lock box ???

    Robin I love all your ideas! They do administer meds to kids but because I work there they would be irritated that I just don't do it myself. But I like the idea of getting to school earlier and letting my kids hang out with me and giving it to them there. I will get it from my friend at school and give it to him. I guess I just love my sleep and didn't think about going in earlier. I will also have her pick up the meds for me. The reason my son didn't work out is because he didn't hide them well. When I went into his room to get dirty towels for laundry they were right there. I just can't see them in a bottle. Giving my son one a day was not triggering...but a bottle!! I also do not give my son on weekends unless he has a birthday party to go to at a home or a place that he might be to wild and accidentally hurt another kid. It's funny you said that about your son reading a lot about adderall. I have also been looking into kids taking stimulants. Although I am not against I do feel that it is over used with treating kids with adhd. My son has been on it for about 6 mths and he has been perfect. Best behaved child ever in school but I noticed he was to perfect (zombie) like and he looked really skinny. So last week I took him back to dr and had him weighed and list weight. So we dropped his dosage and he looked better, ate and even laughed. But his teacher said it's not working and I said why she said that he is talking in class. I asked is he pushing kids, blurting answers, getting out of his seat like before she said no he's just talking. I was so irritated even though I love his teacher but give me break. So I will get through the year and when he gets his new teacher he will be on the lower dose and we will work on his behavior (talking to much) frustrated.

    Jon- Did you read the part where my phy said that be abusing drugs I created a pathway that craves the rush. Because on addy were were always really Up or really down so midway ( like normal people) feels boring and we feel unmotivated. So we have to find something we are passionate about that creats endorphins . It's kinda of like feeding your dragon while getting positive and healthy benefits. So I am still searching but he is an addiction specialist and an ex addict himself so who knows. I love music I thought about making a playlist I love and try hiking alone. I envy you not having to get out of bed.. I would love to sleep in the next 3 weeks. My work though is my excape right now. Are you still working or retired. Whats your passion? It could be anything. I want to run a half marathon. I have a ways to go. Lol thanks john:)

    Heidi24 My life too was amazing for the first year or so but let me tell you when it began to fall it never stopped. Oh yes I was amazing at work I was programming, building websites, and fixing/maintaining 70 PC's/macs and my principal and the staff was so impressed. Ex specially since I went back to work after being a stay at home mom for many years and no experience with computers since the late 1990's. It was all self taught. I also had three kids, Girlscout leader, on school board and a busy social life (keeping up with the jones) and then it happened I realized everything my life was about were tasks, todo lists, and making sure I don't run out or how can I get more and oh yes making sure I went to bed by 10-11 I had to take downers/sleeping pills. Well when reality finally hit me I realized that I left my husband, our marriage, true friendships, family and anything true to me behind. Even though I was physically there always I abandoned them mentally. I sit here now 3 yrs later and see all the brokenness in my family that I have caused. I truly believe I have have been dancing with the devil. I am not in the fight of my life to get better and the day I took that first pill will be the worst day of life. Sorry not trying to scare you nor this may never happen to you but be vigil and aware of this "super drug"
  21. Do the Voices Ever Stop?

    Looking4help I sent u a private message because it was long and didn't want bore anyone.

    Jaymeyer-congrats on becoming a father soon. You will be so greatful that you are clean during the birth because it will be one of the most amazing things of your lifetime. 30 days is a big accomplishment. Remember each Moment your clean with that baby is a cherished moment. The last 3 yrs of being a mom while using I can't get back. I am greatful for my future with my kids. Keep going strong!!

    Jaymeyer-congrats on becoming a father soon. You will be so greatful that you are clean during the birth because it will be one of the most amazing things of your lifetime. 30 days is a big accomplishment. Remember each Moment your clean with that baby is a cherished moment. The last 3 yrs of being a mom while using I can't get back. I am greatful for my future with my kids. Keep going strong!!
  24. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    Sweetcaroline congrats I love all your post they are so uplifting and inspiring
  25. The 60 day challange "reloaded"

    Sweetcaroline congrats I love all your post they are so uplifting and inspiring