jaymeyer26

Day 66 - I did it!! Feeling pretty good and won't ever be turning back. Thanks to everyone for their support! MadHatter - you have accomplished a lot already gettng past the 30-day mark. Best wishes on making it 60 - you can do it!

Day 53 - still going strong! Never been this far before! FW - congrats on 52 and Happy belated BDay!

Day 43 - check! FW, I keep an eye on your posts but need to post more. Tough sometimes at work but will make a better effort. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Day 33: Complete! Right on track with you FW - awesome!! Let's do this together!

Day 33 - check! FW, I'm coming to join you in the 60-day challenge club!!

Day 26 - still clean and moving forward. Great to see so many folks on here. I need to do better about keeping up. The Wellbutrin has certainly helped keep me from the lowest of lows, but it's still been tough. However, I am feeling good considering everything and look forward to keeping this streak alive! BB - nice work on making it to the halfway mark! FW - We are on this path right next to each other, very cool!!

Day 18 - check. I am back on the 30-day challenge after slipping up once, but finally making the leap and telling my doctor I can no longer be prescribed Adderall. Big step for me. Look forward to keeping track of myself and others on this thread. Hope everyone is having a nice Monday.

I did it! I had a very open and honest discussion with my doctor and we agreed I can no longer take adderall. Wow, this is a big moment for me. Big thanks to everyone on here, especially Justin and Jon, for encouraging me to talk with my doctor to officially cut off my supply to this drug. I did agree with her that I should go on Wellbutrin for awhile to help with my depression. I'm not overly excited about being on it, but I think it is a necessary step for me to reach my goal of getting off and staying off of adderall. All the support on here has been so incredible. Thanks for continuing to listen even when I fell off and had to pick myself up again. I'm going to hop back into the 30-day challenge now and report on my progress daily to keep myself in check. Thanks again all!

All - I am heading to my doctor today and am going to try and tell her I cannot be prescribed this stuff anymore. I have stayed away for 13 days now and my brain seems to be coming around. I still have spells of serious depression and anxiety, but overall I am feeling okay. I am nervous that I won't have the guts to cut off my supply because once I tell her there is no going back. I know this is the big step in all of this, so I am hoping I have the strength to do it. Please send thoughts of strength my way!

Thank you zerokewl and GDTRFB for your thoughtful comments.They mean the world to me right now. Today is a better day so far. I have a prescription at the doctor's office, but I haven't gone to get it. Right now that is where I am. Oddly (I don't know if anybody has experienced this before), last night as I was heading home I had a real sense of calm and tranquility wash over me. It lasted for a couple of hours and felt awesome. I was so at peace and I thought, well maybe I'm turning the corner. However, I woke up this morning feeling very depressed and anxious. I nearly cried again. Who knows what last night's feeling was all about, but it was natural and I hope it starts happening more often. Right now I just plug through the day and keep my head down. I don't talk to people at work nearly as often as I used to. I just get as much work done as I can and race home to be with my wife and baby. I do need to get on some vitamins if I'm going to give this another shot. They are really expensive though. Thanks again for all the thoughts being sent my way. I think they truly help.

Mary Tea, Really beautiful and expressive of the way i have felt before. This type of creativity is a glimpse of what we miss when we are on adderall.

Thank you all for the support. The biggest challenge I am facing right now is massive depression and anxiety when I am off adderall. I don't know why last time was easier, possibly because work wasn't as stressful at the time, but I am facing some gripping feelings of depression, worthlessness, fear of the future, etc. the day I stop taking adderall. It's worrying me and affecting me at work and home. Well, honestly home is okay. I feel love and relaxation at home with my wife and little one. My baby is two months old now and just so incredible. She makes me so happy and I love being home with her and my wife. But at the same time I feel like I am slipping at work and that is really wreaking havoc on me. I am scared I won't be able to provide for my family without this drug because I am really scared and depressed at work without it. And being an associate at a large law firm, there aren't many avenues to cut back or slow down. Unless I left, but I have loads of student debt and need to provide for my wife and baby, so that is really not an option. Plus I have no idea what I would do if I left. But I have been off adderall since Thursday and each day has been a struggle. I'm tired, depressed and want to just go home. Work is busy and there is more and more to do each day. I know I need to sit down and probably talk with my doctor about all of this and explain that I can't take that drug anymore, but at the same time I'm scared that getting cut off will lead to feeling like this everyday and that could lead to losing my job and .... I just start to tailspin when I go down that hole. I am taking my Zoloft regularly, and it is likely helping a little, but not enough. Writing this just made me cry in my office. I'm in my thirties, have a wife and kid to support, and I can't get a grip on myself. Damn, I'm so frustrated and scared.

Hi all. I am back because I fell off and started using again. I was so close to 60 days clean and slipped up. I have been through another prescription and am now out of meds because I overused. I'm ashamed and scared because today is the first day without it and I already feel pretty depressed and anxious. I know it's my brain chemistry, but work is so crazy and I just am having a very rough day. I wish I could say I won't use again when I can obtain a new prescription, but I won't lie to you all. Damn, I was doing so well and now I feel like that was a lifetime ago. I would appreciate any good thoughts or support. Have a nice weekend.

I am ashamed and embarrassed to have to write this post, but I used Adderall starting last Wednesday and have been on it everyday since. I had been struggling to keep up with my workload with the lack of sleep I've been getting at home and was a weak person when I headed to see my doctor last Wednesday. I told her about my work struggles and she said to just keep taking the Adderall. I wish I could have been stronger and said no, but at that moment she was all the enabling I needed. I ran to the pharmacy and fill the prescription and worked better than I have in the past two months. I felt so great. Then came that night and I literally got about an hour of sleep - not because of the baby, but because of the drug. And so the cycle quickly came back - I got to work the next day and promised myself I wouldn't take too much, but once I was back on it I didn't care. I took it late in the day again and barely slept again. Now I'm a week in again, already feeling awful and sleep deprived, but popped the pill right when I got to work. It's made me sad to think how easily I fell off after 2 strong months of sobriety. I have been dreading having to tell someone that I did use again and was nervous to get on here and write about my failure. I honestly thought about lying, but then realized that if I did that, I would have nowhere to turn. So here I am owning up to it and asking for your thoughts and support. I am going to try and get the strength today to tear up the other prescriptions she gave me and then safely dispose of the pills.

Day 49 - confirmed! Well I have been away for a little over two weeks while enjoying the birth of my first child! What an incredible ride it has been. Everybody is doing well, except mom and dad are a little sleep deprived. I have not had much time to even think about Adderall with all the happenings over the last couple of weeks, but I will be honest and say that there were a few nights I was so tired and needed to stay up to help my wife that I thought about it. I think if I would have had some at my disposal, I would have definitely used it. Now that I have come out of that fog, I am so thankful you all helped me have the strength to throw my supply out when I did oh so long ago. I simply didn't have access to it in a weak moment and once the moment passed, I was so grateful I didn't succumb. So now closing in on Day 60 and feeling pretty good!

Now that I have made it past the 30-day mark, I thought I would jump in here! Day 32 for me: check! Sweetcaroline - congrats on making it so far! You are definitely my inspiration! Just a few weeks ahead of me so it's great to see how you are feeling and doing. Keep it up!

Hey all - day 30 has come and gone! Today is day 32 and I am still rolling! We don't have a baby yet, but things are getting close, so that is why my posting has been sporadic. I feel awesome about reaching 30 days and could never have done it without the support on this site, so thank you all so much. I still have rough days, but overall I am starting to really find myself again and am enjoying the small and random things in life so much more. I know fatherhood is going to be so much more amazing when I can give all of myself to my baby once she arrives! I think my biggest challenge, believe it or not, has been diet and weight. I think my brain is so geared towards addiction that I have been craving sugars and nasty foods for the past month or so. I have also put on about 8 lbs. (which can also be attributed to partaking in all of my wife's pregnancy cravings, I must admit). Yesterday I pledged that since I am past the 30-day mark that I needed to focus on what I'm eating. I am going to try and cut out the nasty stuff that my brain thinks it wants. I am hopeful that soon this will help me feel even better. I am looking forward to crossing the 60-day threshold with you all - I may need to find a good place to do that on the site. Any thoughts?? Thanks!

Days 26 and 27 - confirmed! Getting very close to fatherhood. Our expected due date is tomorrow, so I guess that really means "any minute." Very excited and nervous! Thanks for all the support - I really enjoy logging on and seeing what has been posted. I'm so close to the 30 days and thereafter look forward to 60 and onward!

Day 25 - confirmed. Luckyducky - I definitely understand the rough patches you are experiencing. The best thing you can do for yourself is find the small victories in each day (even if they are really really small) and come on here and talk it out with those of us that have experienced and/or are experiencing what you are going through. The fact that you logged in today to tell us about your feelings is a huge victory in my book - that tells me you want to get better and want to share your feelings with us to help you do it. You are not hiding from the difficulties of this process, which is what I did before finding this site and it led to multiple failures on my part in quitting. So pat yourself on the back for being strong enough to log on and talk to folks about your experience and keep it up!

Days 21, 22, 23, 24 - check check check check! Sorry for the MIA for a few days. Last minute baby prep made me lose track of things! Doing relatively well. Having a baby within days of arrival definitely keeps your mind off of other things! Thanks for all the support and talk with you all tomorrow!

20 days adderall free! Oyvey - congrats on 40 days - great to see someone keeping at it just ahead of me. Helps me stay motivated!

Day 19 - confirmed! LD, I have been taking L-Tyrosine over these past few weeks and do think it helps. It does not give me a boost feeling per se but makes me feel better helps with the "empty" feeling when trying to quit. I have not tried the others but if they work, I say go for it!

Day 18 - check! LD - so glad to hear you have found someone to talk to. That is a huge huge step! Way to make it happen!

Day 17 - confirmed! I feel pretty good starting a new week. I have gained a few pounds and am eating more, but unfortunately it's not all healthy. I seem to replace some of my Adderall cravings with junk food, which based on how it affects the brain may not be uncommon. I am trying to focus on making better diet choices because I know they will ultimately help me get to 30 days and beyond. Thanks for the positive and motivating comments! I hope everyone is doing well.

Day 14 - check! Two weeks! Thanks for all the support! Feel good heading into the weekend. Going to try and get started exercising again. Wish me luck!