Frank B

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Everything posted by Frank B

  1. "Can I buy an addy off you?"

    I assume your younger the friends who bug you but still want to hang out are your friends maybe addicts but still friends. The ones who want nothing to do with you if the option of scoring pills are void are just addicts not friends and fuck them. My fiancé who was on much smaller adderal dose then myself has gained 30 lbs since she quit but I'm much happier with her having a few extra pounds vs being skinny and a physco. I've also gained a few pounds since quitting but mostly look healthier vs before and less of a physco myself but still feel I got a head but not many screws in. I think the step down method works best others on here disagree but for me that has led me to addy free a few months now. Keep up stepping down as u get older you'll see who your real friends are and if you can count them all in one hand you'll be lucky.
  2. Sick and tired of being tired!

    no time to question...why'd nothing last... grasp and hold on...we're dyin' fast... soon be over...and i will relent... let the ocean swell, dissolve 'way my past three days, and maybe longer won't even know i've left under your tongue...i'm like a tab... i will give you what...you're not sposed to have... under my breath...i swear by sin... for better or for worse...a best we began... let the sun climb, oh, burn 'way my mask three days, and maybe longer shed my skin at last...shed...shed... let the sun shine, burn 'way my mask three days, and maybe longer won't ever find me here let the ocean dissolve 'way my past four days, and not much longer... let my spirit pass... this is, this is... this is, this is... this is, this is... my...last exit
  3. When I first stopped adderall it seemed like a day went on forever time slowed down. Now a couple months out the day flies by and at the end of it I have little progress to show. Beyond staying drug free I'm doing little to nothing wasting valuable and minutes, hours and days wasted away. I started to work out early in the am but after the workout I'm still not focused still wanting to lie around and not start working. I have a friend with cancers she is going threw chemo and has more energy and will power then me! What the fuck is wrong with me? Will my body ever get back to normal? I push myself but still accomplish little my inner drive seems all but a distant memory. Days like today if my script was around I'd probbably just waste all the months being clean for a pill that will jump start me. I feel like this is never going to end I'm going to throw away everything I worked so hard for off this pill because I cannot get off my ass. Understand this takes time but the bills don't stop coming and projects around the house need to be done. I hate this I hate not being happy I hate not having energy this is a bad day and having way too many of them to make me feel this is worth it.
  4. Sick and tired of being tired!

    Yeah did that too one thing that got me was taking off one leg for the security rom chip voided all those errors no need to blow on the cartridge anymore. Wish 25 years ago I knew that trick would have saved a lot of frustration. I still play my NES they really had some great games and way ahead of their time in the graphics.
  5. My body feels like it is shutting down...

    You never got a script and have been on it for 2 years? That seems expensive unless you do like some get your kid a script and take it this drug brings out the best of us all. I this is one of the hardest things anyone can overcome but this site helps. Keep in mind when people like myself go off saying how horrible this is I took a very very high dose for several years plus had a bad oxy habit to go along with it so please don't let my posts and similar ones run you off.
  6. I found that lions mame took some in the afternoon yesterday and had a headache in the early evening I also had one this morning. Is this a common side effect? Just curious not certain that's why but seeing if it's a possibility.
  7. You know even if it's all placebo but it helps worth a shot. I think knowing what powerful pills can do if it doesn't work I won't trick myself into thinking it does. Must say today was so much better vs the rest of this week. My craving for adderal was higher then it has been for weeks last couple of days . But today I got up at 5am went to the gym then went on my day at work didn't feel overwhelming fatigue. It would be interesting if we all took down data of all of what we go through. Like say a 1-10 on fatigue and 1-10 on craving a pill on a timeline. Then make graphs so people could compare themselves of course having info on how long you took before quitting dosage would all need to be accounted for. Just think if more research was done so people really know what's ahead could make quitting easier. Of course the medical world won't care to do this not something pharmacy's and doctors would make more money with. Just want to say to anyone quitting you absolutely cannot have access to this drug by any means or you will fail. I know this week if I had a my old script I would have gave in no doubt.
  8. Figured lions mane was a supplement was being sarcastic . That's one thing I got back off adderal is being a smart ass for better or worse. I looked it up on Amazon and like all supplements huge price range and pills, powders etc. Do you have any advice on which one to try?
  9. I don't hunt lions so never tried lions mane but I'm sure wearing one would be cool not sure how it would help. I'll try fish oil again but it makes me burp and smell rancid not sure if I'll keep up on that one. I ordered l- tyrosine tonight should get it by Saturday. I did try 5-htp for a few weeks it did nothing. St.johns wort I have questionable doubts the longer I'm on it. For one it gives me heartburn the other issue I wonder if it's counter productive I heard a side effect is feeling tired. I now started to take the full daily dose at night see if that makes a difference.
  10. Are you taking the energy boost C4 pre work out powder or the pills. I read a few reviews on Amazon about the pills some say it works best at night others in the day. I'm getting a little desperate to find something to get me going. I'm exercising eating right sleeping taking St. John's wart nothing is helping. I cannot get focused because either I'm to tired or the anxiety over the hole I'm in is too much. I find myself wanting to get allergy medicine because I know it gives me some boost but really don't want to go down that road. I know people say don't worry it will pass stay off supplements well I got bills to pay and a family to feed so I gotta try something to help me get threw this tough times. If someone wants to donate money and pay my bills sure I'll chill out not look for alternatives be easy to ride this wave if staying clean was my only worry in life right now.
  11. Sick and tired of being tired!

    One thing I wonder is if I'll ever enjoy something I went way overboard with during my time on drugs. I used to restore complex machines that date back to the 1950's I have a lot of them. I don't really wanna say to much in detail in fear of releasing my identity not that people are on here looking but you never know. Anyways since quitting everything I can't stand them don't care to do anything with them which sort of makes me sad. I have not pushed myself to do it because it's nothing that is needed to make a living. Just a once passionate hobby where all the passion was lost after I stopped adderal and oxy . I'd hope to one day get a urge to do them again at a steady pace not doing all nighters to complete them in a rush, but just at a normal pace. This is what makes being a addict like us is so hard to understand. We get strung out want to work just doesn't make sense vs a common junkie.
  12. I just miss being high and loving work but then again I was on adderal plus oxy everyday it was great now life is so so fucking boring. Very little makes me happy and I look forward to very little however I have become obsessed with the MLB being from KC that's easy these days. I watch MLB network non stop listen to sports radio all the time never used to be like that not sure why off adderal I'm a sports nut now maybe because I don't wanna do much of anything myself.
  13. Sick and tired of being tired!

    I clicked on the length in the past it shows a bunch of crap for weight loss and months until a due date. I'm sure somewhere I could find it but I don't have the patience maybe I have adhd should be on adderall haha jk . My give up date was 11-20-15 so if anyone knows how to make one I'll use it.
  14. Sick and tired of being tired!

    Appreciate that Doge a few weeks ago was a Sunday I felt happy for once had good energy played with kids made big dinner cleaned up no issues. I really thought that was going to be a turning point. That kind of day has not returned I can't pinpoint what I ate differently are anything. Yes I can do chores now I can semi work but I'm just tired no drive must force myself to do everything and no real self satisfying reward of accomplishment once completed. Why can't that kind of day come back must I suffer 2 years of this or 6 months I'm pretty confused on that now. If I can have a couple of good days here and there this would not be so bad but the longer I have these bad streaks it really makes me want to give up. This is the only place I feel safe to say whatever's on my mind no one else knows what I'm going threw elsewhere I hope anybody on here lays out everything if not what's the point of being on here only way it can really help .
  15. Sick and tired of being tired!

    If I could easily make about $10,000 to pay off dept help pay my kids school id be in a better place. The stress of not having money to pay bills or energy I had on the pills is overwhelming right now. Reading this may take up towards two years is like a prison sentence. I can't afford professional therapy and obviously any med a doctor can give me will just fuck me up more. Obviously for the amount of people on this drug vs the very few on here most people don't ever stop or don't have a big issue doing so. I know deep down if I took that pill I'd feel very disappointed in myself. I can't stand being like this I know before taking adderal I was a hard worker with drive I took this because I had to try and be superman and I was for awhile now I'm somone on the path towards welfare I can't stand myself if I didn't have kids I would consider ending it all at this point fuck it all
  16. It sucks bad! I'm sorry no way to paint a rainbow from me right now. I come on here to find encouragement and sometimes it can't really be found. Yes stopping would be easy if you could be a tree and just live everyday doing much of nothing. My stage I'm in now is a dangerous one when I get so fed up and tired of hearing this is a two year process I can't stand it. I was on a high dose of 60 mg for 8 years if you were on a lower dosage possibly won't be as bad. I thought threw craving a pill but today I'm just freaking pissed sick of it all can't stand myself welcome to the hell of quitting.
  17. I got to lay off those flinstone vitamins hitting those up pretty hard lately. Found myself chopping one up the other day to snort it dangerous stuff.
  18. My story..advice?

    I sometimes took three to four times my daily addy dose along with pain pills not prescribed to me then a little alcohol just to keep the buzz going. I have been clean for a couple months off adderal and oxy I still drink from time to time. But for me alcohol is not a trigger to take adderal it's actually the opposite. So when I go to a NA meeting and they preach total sobriety I understand why but not going to put myself down for enjoying a glass of wine at dinner or a few beers watching a ball game. Each person is different if you stop adderal and drink heavily every night you probbably have a problem and need to completely stop booth. Stay clear of those diet pills those will not benefit you like adderal did at one time. Five hour energy shots seem to help me but I won't take pills for enemy esipically ones with ephedrine. I think everyone identifies the secret addiction and it makes it hard to stop. You can't tell your work friends are family hey I'm a complete lazy ass now because I'm battling a horrible addiction. Most people are like what's your problem so what get off your ass. But it is worth it, I think I hope still struggling but slowly getting better day by day. But I'm now getting a little more energy and will power vs my lazy teenage son. That's not saying much but it's a improvement now when I get on his case for being lazy I won't have the guilt of being on adderal pills to make me a hypocrite.
  19. Happiness in sobriety?

    Well Thursday and Friday woke up fine at 5:30am worked out and the rest of the day was ok. It's weird normally if I put my alarm for 6:30 am I struggle hit snooze but at 5:30 am I can wake up without a huge desire to lay back down. Not sure why that is but hopefully it continues.
  20. Happiness in sobriety?

    Sorry try to stay positive on here but I feel like people who have never been really fucking strung out high as fuck can't tell me you can be happy sober. It's like a virgin saying sex is overrated. I'm not really missing adderal but oxycodone I really do feel like no matter what I can't feel happy again no matter how hard I work I cannot treat myself to the pleasure of a little pill. I guess it's normal guess shit will get better I have no one to talk to went to a meeting tonight and idiots just start going off on bs politics and never let other people talk it's annoying it's like a bunch of people who want to act fucking nuts just go to ramble on they have been sober for 29 years but just come to steal the spotlight and not give others who need to share a ficking chance. That's the only beef I have with NA you old crazy fucks who watch Fox News all day and want to spread your stupid conspiracy theories need to stay the fuck home! Ok I shared I'll pass now.
  21. Happiness in sobriety?

    I have not really had a problem exercising in the afternoon but this was the first day ever today for a am workout. I mean never even before adderal did I wake up before sunrise to work out. See I've never been a great morning person part of why I fell in love with adderal. Forcing myself to do the early am thing is not really so I get my routine of exercise in its more of a way to wake up jump start the day. I'm pushing myself again tommrow and have a big day of stuff after I actually have to do so I'll see how it goes. I want to become that morning person we all hate I feel for me overcoming this unproductive morning slump I need to do this. Just hope my body rewards me hope I can start having some drive to get things going and accomplished. I feel like if I was not self employed this morning thing would be easier because I'd have the fear of being fired. I don't have that fear but now I'm getting the fear of this half ass production will cost me my buisness I must do something now.
  22. Feeling hopeless at 4 months.

    I agree with that no way will I ever have any at my house. I'm always scared I'll find a old pill laying around and be at a weak point adderal is very powerful. Im just past the point of missing the pill popping but still have huge hurdles to be better. I still have that other addiction I'm kicking at the same time that's what scares me more I could always score a old pain pill from places and I must really fight myself on that. Just like to hear any success stories from a adderal and oxy addict who successfully has over a years time. Maybe that does not apply to anyone on here maybe I'll be the first hopefully so. My goal is a year free from both anything less is a failure.
  23. Happiness in sobriety?

    Well got up and ran (jogged and walked) a mile this morning. I came back full of ambition like I never was on adderal this morning called for clients made huge sales out of debt now! Ok I did run came home wanted to lay back down but didn't I forced myself to eat breakfast, 'anyone else not have appetites off this drug figured I'd wanna eat all the time' , took my son to pre school arrived on time always a plus then came home did laundry started on office stuff got side tracked on here now lol. The scariest thing off the drug is the thought no natural motivation will ever occur again. I see many going towards anti depressants on here I did the same when I first started but could feel the drug immediately taking a negative effect on my brain. I'd say the urge to take the pill is over after a couple months little inspiration to anyone reading this who wants to stop. It's just a daily struggle even after you get over that urge to pop a pill or get a new script that's why I keep coming back on here for inspiration.
  24. Feeling hopeless at 4 months.

    Well I'm glad to hear 9 months you should start to see natural motivation at least. I abused this pretty hard for several years time to pay the piper now I guess.
  25. Feeling hopeless at 4 months.

    For fuck sakes this can last two years? Well if I don't off myself by then for being so discussed with myself guess it will be fucking worth it. Guess I'll be moving my family entire a goddamn trailer park because I won't be making any money for another year or so.