Frank B

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Everything posted by Frank B

  1. Has anyone been to a NA meeting?

    I've done Coke I'm the past was a fun party drug but too expensive to form a real habit plus did not last long. Fact that my nose bleed every time I did it also prevented me from being a Coke addict lol. I think people gravitate towards a illegal drug that their body feels they are lacking. High strung people like pot people with low energy like uppers. I know that's not always true but how I felt and adderal a legal upper with one hell of a kick was a miracle drug. But like all good things it must come to a end I knew it was not doing what it did so I got some pain pills on top of addy eventually that even stopped working. So had two choices up my adderal dose above 60 plus by more illegal OxyContin and ruin my life or quit .., so I quit got two kids can't go out like that. One blessing out of that mess is my craving for adderal is near zero now but oxy it's a struggle I still crave it and the thought of not having adderal the rest of my life I'm cool with but no oxy I kind of hate. The good thing is I cut out my oxy source 100% so getting that again would be hard adderal on the other hand I could talk my way into a new script. So my advice go get hooked on pain pills!!! Just kidding it's been hell go to a na meeting it's free you will risk nothing but getting help by going.
  2. Has anyone been to a NA meeting?

    It's a good place however if your on adderal only take it with a grain of salt. The best thing about NA is being open and finding people you can relate to that is what helps. The 12 steps etc are not really designed for us adderal addicts unless you went way beyond your script or never had one and bought them off the streets. I really wish some sort of adderal outreach programs were available but that won't ever happen people don't understand because you can function just fine for many years then it does come crashing down. It's now been 3 months and I can honestly say this weekend is the first weekend I've felt normal energy wise. I have been pushing myself working out cutting out sugary drinks and it seemed like it was all for nothing half the day I wanted to lay down and do nothing. But for some reason this weekend I got chores done around the house took my kid to the park made dinner cleaned up and felt good about myself. It's been 3 months of hell and the only thing that made me quit was tossing my pills in the toilet and telling my doctor the truth I was abusing this it has made me mad do not write me anymore scripts.
  3. It's been a couple weeks off adderal and everyday even with working out I've felt blah most of the day. I stopped pop a couple weeks ago but still had sugar in my morning coffee and sweat tea most of the day. Well I made a decision two days ago no sugar in coffee or tea. I'm not overweight by any means but felt something is dragging me down. I gotta say even just two days I've felt much much better. I'm not going to completely go nuts over stopping sugar in food but rarely do I eat sweets and if I keep feeling better with the total deduction of sugar from beverages I might turn into a no sugar freak which is way better than a adderal/ oxy junkie. I would highly suggest at the very least do not drink anything with sugar. I also would stay away from diet pop I really feel for some reason diet soda is linked to cancer and one day the truth will be out fully. I limit my grain intake also I do notice eating a bagel in the morning just drags me down switching to protein shakes for breakfast and coffee with no sugar but still like half and half in it. Nothing beyond buying meth will replace the rush of adderal it's a matter of being ok with what you are and beleive you can do anything needed without pills. No you will not have crazy all nighters knocking out a to do list but you'll live a lot longer and happier by not doing so.
  4. Testosterone boosters?

    I just noticed how old this post was how are things now for you? Did you get tested?
  5. Testosterone boosters?

    I was thinking the same thing week 8 or 9 here starting to loose count which is good. My buddy who is in med school said more then likely it's not Low T I'm coming off a powerful drug and even like yourself working out won't get my body in work mode all day for awhile maybe months from now. He said stay away from those low t centers that advertise on the radio they are most often scams and clear way more people then they should for low T plus your looking at thousands of dollars for treatment. Go to a trusted doctors office to have it tested was his advice.
  6. MLB and adderall

    Maybe Chris Davis saw my post he signed with the Orioles this week about time for a team to stand behind him with a failed PED suspension and offer that kind of money not sure why the hold out. It's really insane 160 million and you were looking for more what planet do these players come from because it's not earth and half of them aren't even happy walk around all pissed off.
  7. MLB and adderall

    http://www.thestar.com/sports/baseball/2015/04/20/mlbs-exemption-rate-for-adhd-drugs-highly-suspicious.html It seems to me looking back in MLB history no one can say who was 100% free of any PED's since adderal /bennies stimulants have been givin out since 1950's. If you don't think adderal plays a role in performance look at Chris Davis in 2014 he was caught doing adderal without the MLB consent had a crap year and was banned from the playoffs "that was great for us KC fans steamrolled Baltimore". In 2015 he was cleared by the MLB to take stimulants for ADD and he had the most home runs in the league. Taking adderal since 2008 myself like Chris Davis I know what a terrible thing it is to quit. But unlike Davis I'm not going to lie to myself saying I need this shit for ADD I want this shit to perform at a higher level then everyone else not taking it. I have been clean for 9 weeks just starting to feel normal and I look back on all the things I've achieved and feel a little ashamed it wasn't all me the drug helped but eventually the drug started to make my life hell. Wonder if Chris Davis will look back on his career the same when he retires if he doesn't he should and he will have the same label as Bonds , Sosa etc trying to get into the hall of fame as a cheater. I guess maybe he already knows that so might say to himself "why quit now" but I think if he did stop and still put up decent numbers he would be someone that people on here trying to quit could look up to. Just my thoughts btw Davis your being a asshole to your team for holding out on your contract take the 160 million and be happy.
  8. MLB and adderall

    yeah missed my na meeting this week so had to talk about drugs with someone. That's the best part of NA u can talk about whatever no judgements on you for your use. I think ball players taking this stuff only tells younger players it's ok go get a evaluation that says your add and start popping them the results speak for themselves. It doesn't show the bad side of these pills loosing your personality having little patience for anyone choosing to skip funerals of people you know in order to work. I even used to hate going out to dinner would rather be working on something. Then after so many years you brain says enough you have no focus on any task then shit goes downhill. My nephew in high school has been taking them on and off for years but now he is telling my sister he needs them for school. Told her she shouldn't give him pills to help him study. But since a brilliant doctor says he should she believes him and he is on it again. People talk about pot being a gate way drug don't do it but all the while feeding their kids amphetmines makes no sense.
  9. I've been on 60 mg for 8 years sometimes on a busy day take even more if your on this form u get it. After trying to quit cold turkey three times and actually being honest with my doctor for once he suggested to step down method. His timeline was a lot longer then I wanted so I did take it upon myself to reduce down to 30mg a day in a 2 month span. When I got down to 20 mg I did that for a week but at this point so little did nothing except make me irratbile. So I then took a big step signed myself up for rehab "not just to get over the hump but had a nasty oxy habit for the last two years". I did not complete the outpatient rehab because my insurance would not cover any of it. To be honest if your thinking about quitting join a NA group because that's basically all they talk about in out patient rehab that can save you a couple hundred or thousand if you stay the entire time. Where I'm at now .. I attend NA once or twice a week will continue to do so maybe for life it's a good place beats church lol. I have been off addy for 30 days and oxy for 40. I did get prescribes Wellbutrin to curb the depression it does help I can work my ass off again took awhile to get back in the groove. I'll wrap this up but will follow up limited time. After tossing my adderal in the toilet shredding my remaining scripts telling my "new" doctor never to write me another I feel great. I do not miss taking adderal at all. The oxy however still has a pull on me why I will continue NA if I was off addy only I prob wouldn't need that additional support. My advice never try cold turkey it just doesn't work I'm a very motivated person whatever I set my mind to accomplish I normally do. Stopping cold turkey I could not force myself it's not the best way.
  10. I signed up at my local ymca today I used to work out before adderal but never did much on it mostly because I was keeping my self so busy with projects. Plus when I work out I push myself hard scared on adderal my heart would explode. Anyways did some running hit some weights I feel so much better I'm not sure why I dreaded working out I like doing it just that first step back in the gym always the hardest. Really hope this will get myself headed in the right direction I need to focus on getting work new clients etc but been such a lazy ass. If I had a big cushion of money I could chill more on getting back but right now I have a ton of bills two kids in private school and no help from my spouse with any income. I blame a lot of my money issues on addy I got so wrapped up in worthless side projects I was not focused on finding jobs to earn good income.
  11. Peaks and valleys, I need to quit feeling sorry for myself it was my choice to take this drug knew it wouldn't last forever now it's time to pay the piper. It just gets frustrating getting plenty of sleep eating right but in the mornings I'm a lazy procrastinating worthless piece of shit I hate it!
  12. Well been six weeks not going to lie I'm still in a funk. It seems weird a two weeks ago I had more motivation I don't know if it's from the lack of adderal or just depression. Returning to the adderal is no longer a option but feel like if I continue like this I won't want to live at all. I know it's selfish and just talk but really just fucking mad at myself I have tons I should be doing but just do the minimum. Whatever good talk nobody cares
  13. I think your doing it the right way others say cold turkey but no doctor will tell you it's the best method from long time use. The thing I need to do is get a routine being self employed is a double edged sword if I have work I will do it but if it's slow I'll be a lazy ass. Adderal makes routines non important you can start a task at 6pm take your med be up until 1am no problem. I wish a stop adderal support group was available like AA or NA it's a epidemic that's really just being overlooked I think the gov loves for us to be on this makes us busy worker bees and question very little.
  14. "Little by little you will build yourself back, stronger than ever, out of brick and mortar instead of glass. It will take a long time for you to find and rebuild your confidence and drive again. But from day 1 onward you will feel yourself drifting towards your true passions, your true abilities, and your true destiny." I like this passage gives inspiration to keep going even when things seem bad. It's been odd some days I can get my day going accomplish tasks others sit and do nothing. My doctor tells me I should wake up go for a run not sit down the entire day to rest. I find that amusing since he is overweight himself surely does not practice what he preaches. It's sort of like so if I don't then I'm a failure? I've been battling this substance for years working my body and mind to death can't I be lazy awhile during recovery?
  15. I really can't beleive Jan 4th will be 6 weeks addy free I've really felt a spike in energy the last couple of days also libido is coming back big time. Nothing is worth staying on adderal for life it's no way to live. Going through NA is great but they are ill prepared for the adderal bombshell that is about ready to explode. So many kids who are now hitting their 25-30 yr age group were all raised on this stuff and will want to quit. Some adderal outreach program should be established in cities. To put some one in a room that has been prescribed adderal with a strung out herion addict is not always the best therapy. To tell the adderal person that should never drink again because they are a addict seems a little narrow minded. Addicts have no self control at all if you take 60 pills in two days of your script then yes you are a addict. If you take your meds as ordered by doctors but can't stop are you really on the same level? This all or nothing attitude towards drugs / alcohol usersI beleive keeps many adderal addicts from seeking help.
  16. I quit oxy cold turkey did not have the same effects as adderal cold turkey each person is different. From the research I've done online which makes me a Doctor ., Dr. Evil it seems the people who actually should have been prescribed adderal can easily quit cold turkey. People like myself who really did not have a ADHD problem yet prescribed the medication quitting cold turkey is very difficult. The step down method was the best route for me if someone is having a hard time doing cold turkey then try the step down. First step is informing your doctor and if he has some wacky two year plan id be way more aggressive.
  17. Cold turkey did not work for me but going on the long cut down timeline from my doctor was ridiculous as well to me. Also I'm stopping the Bupropion XR the one thing I started to enjoy after stopping adderal was eating. That ended couple days ago severe heartburn which I never had before and my appetite was next to nothing again like on addy. Looked up the side effects of Buprion XR and that was a major side effect doctors leave out. Plus hair loss , liver failures a list of great things this drug can do while giving minimal results for depression a day in the sun will do more for you then this toxic pill.
  18. Side note taking addy I feel is like a baseball player taking steroids. Whatever your good at gets amplified on addy but u cannot take 100% credit just as Barry Bonds and his home run record. After several years of taking it will lose its effectiveness and you will know it's your time to stop. If you do not and try to get even a higher dosage your putting yourself at risk for a heart attack especially if your over 30. When you decide to stop be honest with your doctor I tried before but hid the truth from him knowing I might fail and Jones for my regular script dosage. Telling my doctor was a no going back step sure I can possibly find another doctor willing but that's a pain in the ass.
  19. Well it's been awhile since was on here the main thing of me sharing is I feel every person is a different addict but many character traits of people who dive into this drug are similar. Before addy I really was slow in the mornings my boss a said Jesus's drink coffee although I got to work on time I really was not productive until 10:30 or so just hated mornings always have. Well 7-8 yrs ago discovered addy and well in the AM I was up and addy! This lasted 5-6 yrs then 2 yrs ago or more I was still dragging ass not focused then a new pill came into my life Oxcodine and wow addy and oxy I looked foward to work you'd think I'd mess up on my job umm nope was a focused sharp happy guy for a year . Well all that started to be a big shit storm of becoming a space cadet I had no motive to really get work focused did it but was not the same Disneyland celebration everyday. The years of this stuff is off by how much who knows u don't keep track when your on this stuff. Last time I tried to quit read on here a lot of stuff and most emphasized the long long list of recovery how will take so long to get motivated and may never be again for years this scared the shit out of me. Then others say you must exercise everyday eat like a Olympic athlete strict healthy diet and blah blah will shit I can't do that I know I should but how many people do. So what did I do this time ok I realized oxy is making me really really messed up in a cloud and starting to spend way to much money to get a fix , but let's clarify a fix 1-2 pills a day of it. I knew that oxy was the first script had to stop wrote down a 10 day countdown and each day reasons why. Day 1 not to fail kids, day two job etc when you realize how much you can loose u will stop but then the addy well I did not put a timeline after being hooked on basically synthetic herion and stopped I knew addy was much more powerful drug scary thought but it is . Well I did not go cold turkey like last time u can't don't even bother the crash is too hard started to go from 60mg to 30mg to 15mg then one time I went from 15mg to 30mg felt my heart was going to explode crazy how did I get used to 60mg sometimes 150 on all night projects crazy!,Anyways now been off it totally for 4 days not a milestone by any means but big accomplishment for me. Last time I stopped addy cold turkey it was bad and I kept doing oxy to cope but this time I did the reverse realizing one is prescribed legal the other well semi legall but not something I'd want put out to the public. oxy u can get over much quicker then addy unless your a addict who is on those shows that take a bottle of pain pills a day no doubt you'd need to go to a detox clinic. What really helped me so far and this might be good advise for a few might not for majority. What I see on here is a bunch of "this is what you shall go through hahaha !" Ok no hahaha but it's like o yeah dude your life will suck never get motivated never be the same but life will be so much better! Really wtf thanks can't wait! Take that in with a grain of salt if you took this medication as prescribed but once in awhile had a binge don't panic for one year or 8 just taper that script down. Yes you'll loose some mental steroid power but you will start to,rationalize better. Just take a vacation at home be a little lazy for awhile do the minimum and just keep cutting everyday the script then the first day it won't be to bad. It will take about 4 days off to start getting motivated you'll see stuff and be like wtf I gotta do that it's not a matter of saying u won't be lazy it's the matter of umm I need that done I'll just go ahead and do it now. Don't worry about how long the side effects last and how many little brain cells you've fried u can't do shit about that just get back to being you I was a productive person before addy a super productive person on for years then the downside of my body saying umm hey dude your like really fucking me up please stop made me be less productive then I knew it was finally my time to stop. No I did not toss my bottle in the toilet I put it in my safe along with my last pack of smokes that I haven't had in a year it's a mental security blanket like hey if I breakdown it's their but for me if it wasn't their I would have broke down day one. Everybody is different but my story and methods may work for a few on here hope it does and sorry my grammar sucks. It's weird being off addy makes me feel like how I was on addy the first year will I'm not as productive yet but never need to stay up for a full 24 to get any project done again no reason for that I'm not making inventions to save mankind from a asteroid invasion. Wish me luck to keep off addy but please don't tell me your going to struggle not be the same its all negative and that's not helpful to me . I've never had successes on achieving goals my life has been a productive straight line of destiny to be the best person I can and help others obstacles are placed and I know when it's my time to start that new era of my life. I have no strong believes in anything but few doubts about everything we are here for some reason beyond destroying ourselves and this planet ;-)
  20. I can motivate myself to work but don't enjoy doing it. I was really tempted to use again today I have so much to do things I like to do but just don't want to. I guess after so many years the natural endorphins are gone unless something extreme happens but I'm sick of my house looking like shit sick of work not being done sick of overall lack of motivation but then again I recall the last couple months on high doses that was already setting in. I'm caught in limbo not recovered not on adderal thinking maybe I'm better being a addict at least I get shit done but now everything's pointless just want to die at times I look at all I accomplished on adderal now know I can't ever get that many things done with a total lack of happiness whatsoever performing task I used to like. I'm not talking about folding laundry mindless crap I'm mean building with my hands or fixing a complex problem now I just want to sit on my ass and do much of nothing and wondering when the fuck or if I ever I can have motivation or self satisfaction doing much of anything maybe someone can give me hope on here but all I see is the same after you quit it sucks and takes many years to get normal if that's the case screw it give me my pill. Obviously I don't want to give up or would not be on here but looking for some hope in the near future.
  21. Month plus still hate my lazy ass!

    Justin, yeah i got some anger thought quitting would chill me out I don't think it has because all the issues in the world that makes me angry come up into play more now vs when I'm on addy I'm to focused on work so I store that anger and emotions deep down inside which we all know is best... For a stroke. I'm not knocking anyone's beliefs if it does good for you and others great if it makes you think it's ok to bash other religions, make you feel better than others, feel gays are subhuman sinners going to burn in hell etc then not so great. I'm pretty much at fault for all my errors I'm gonna actually talk with a counselor to see what routes best to work out my problems as for addy my feelings on it go like so. We been dancin' with Mr. Adderall He's been knockin' He won't leave me alone I used ta do a little but a little wouldn't do So the little got more and more I just keep tryin' ta get a little better Said a little better than before I used ta do a little but a little wouldn't do So the little got more and more I just keep tryin' ta get a little better Said a little better than before - well not exactly what GNR was referring to but feelings the same.
  22. Month plus still hate my lazy ass!

    life. I'm a former whore mongering, drunkard, thief, and murderer. So I've had a rough past, but I"m clean of everything now. The last thing was adderall. I've slept with a whore or two in my younger days that's the most honest sex you can have with a woman while single cuts to the chase. Been drunk a lot also while younger never really stole much besides as a kid and never put a cap in someone came close but was for protecting my family long story. Prayer by all accounts in the scientific community does work even atheists must take those findings to account now rather a big man with a white beard grants your wish or the combination of multiple brains and positive thoughts engaged with others plays a significant role in the outlay of what becomes real might be true also. I grew up catholic a religion that still dresses like the 14th century it's outdated and very boring. One thing is funny they tell kids now at catholic schools it's ok to believe the Darwin theory and Big Bang.. Umm sorry folks if you truly believe that throw your bibles out the window. Anyways life's crazy look at that plane that disappeared wtf and today it seems society all has ADHD big events pop up that scream hey powers of this world or universe is doing things and we will move on next week to some Justin Berber headline just ignorance. I'm not saying that im against religion but I'm against anyone telling me I must believe what they do or burn in hell you know fuck you what gives you that right? Also beliefs in your religion alone gives people self justice to slam a damn plane into a building you gotta take each religion with a grain of salt until god has a Facebook page and tells us which religion is the correct one. It just gets on my nerves the born agains especially so the billions who lived before Jesus who died went straight to hell I guess? All the people around the world who didn't know Jesus because words did not travel fast until the last century they all burned in hell young old whatever you just die and god sends you to a place worse than a Hitler death camp because you did not kneel before him enough and praise Jesus really if god is that cold hearted we are all fucked saved or unsaved. If Jesus was alive today the same conservative uptight people who worship him would say he is damn hippie liberal and is dangers to America and should be arrested and thrown in jail or killed in the electric chair. Just think if Jesus happened now instead of then we would all have electric chair jewelry and tattoos. But anyways glad it worked for you prayer does help regardless of beliefs. My second week off addy was fine after a month it's a real challenge.
  23. Month plus still hate my lazy ass!

    Thanks for the inputs and basically letting me tell myself the underlining problems why I started to abuse this prescription, but from what I see even if you take this as prescribed it's still just a bad option for your mind & body. I know everyone's life isn't perfect hell divorce rates are what 70% these days exactly why I'm in a long term engagement of 4 years just easier to say 'my wife'. I'm not one to risk all I worked for to lose it in a divorce and she knows that. I'm very much a realist and will not get caught up in my feelings to make a possible life altering error. So in general pretty raw and blunt to the point kind of guy just imagine me on adderall lol.