Frank B

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Everything posted by Frank B

  1. Day 2 off super pill

    Day 4 Friday so far this has been the only day that I've been really tempted to pop a pill. I got a shop full of stuff to sort for eBay (went through a house being sold electronics hoarder used to live their) I also have a pin game that I'm just dying to start in on for restoration but worked today now I'm tired and this is where that magic pill comes in so damn handy. But I'm not going to and feel like a lazy ass bum not getting these things done but maybe just need extra rest since I've pushed myself so hard for so long but my view even before adderall was I can sleep once I'm dead the pill just really amplified that notion to the extreme. I know its odd but I feel like the machines I do bring back to life is a calling like it is a meant to be the people who built these games 50 years ago are looking over my shoulder helping me along back then people did it all by hand with pride something lost with today's world I hope it's all worth it and hope I can pace myself to enjoy family, work, and hobbies without this drug. It's not a option to go back since it's affected my earnings overall negatively and want to be back on track. I recall now (never stopped before to see) I started adderall in 2007 so I had already been successful in business without it for 3 years which makes me feel good knowing it was not the pill that got me going on my own and did fine without it.
  2. Day 2 off super pill

    Day. 3 going better still kind of lazy not getting a lot done but then again the last month on adderall I was not getting anything of real meaning done because I could only focus on one project to get a big ( good job!) once fished like it matters nobody is paying me realistically for them. Appetite coming back some self pitty is starting to grow less of a issue compared to yesterday. I recall now when I started using this junk only did it when I had a huge physical job to do and was getting paid for it then slowly I could not even get the will power to jump out of bed without taking a pill first. Now it's odd I feel like my energy is better in the morning and only been. 3 days hopefully I continue seeing progress, also smoking less maybe 3 cigarettes a day vs a half pack or more,( I do use a vapor cig also that helps me a lot)
  3. Day 2 off super pill

    Did want to say tonight felt better a I went to a social event for my kids school and was not itching to leave could actually hold a conversation without being preoccupied with something I need to hurry up and get done!
  4. Day 2 off super pill

    I will look it up if I'm challenged with others my help me overcome some obstacles I see how much this drug has made me numb to both the good and the bad. I guess like being on any drug only difference this one makes you very functional but after many years I've seen great loss from it. My family & friends all know I'm busy so never ask me to do much with them they don't know I'm hooked on a powerful upper while doing it just my fiancé knows that, what's ironic is she was on it for awhile too and are relationship got so bad from us both on edge I told her to leave or quit adderall so she did quit but I kept having her get scripts for me to have extra if I ran out before I could refill o the irony pretty f',*ed up!
  5. Day 2 off super pill

    I think now failure is not a option I think my big issue is I've never been a big planner but I could always focus on what's important paying bills, family etc. But lately I'm so focused on staying busy on a project I can't focus on the little things that need to be done. I should just say it since this is all anonymous but my hobby turned into obsession is restoring vintage pinball and arcade games 1950-1974 I have 14 full restoration in two years. I'm talking tedious work both inside and out I joked that I'm addicted to them in reality I'm addicted to the drug which makes me forget everything else and get them up and working 100% . Most people as a hobby I'd say do 1-3 a year. Problem is I don't enjoy them once done or even take the time to try and sell them rather start on another one. In return my business has lost focused which is not restoration but when you can stay up push off work that you'd rather not do and have no boss to tell you otherwise a hobby can get out of hand especially with a drug that makes time unimportant ,sleep and eating those are just things I do because I have to once in awhile to function . I defiantly have no urge to relax and have fun in my mind why would I want to do that ? ... work is fun and rest is for the dead but I fear if I don't quit dead is what I'll be much younger age than I should.
  6. Day 2 off super pill

    I put it in my safe if I throw them in the toilet I would freak out. My dad quit smoking after 50 years had a cartoon of smokes hidden away that he never smoked same thing if he got rid of them he would panic and buy some then probably smoke them.
  7. Day 2 off super pill

    Also I thought my appetite would return I can't even hardly eat I'm just feeling depressed on one hand I look at everything I've accomplished on this drug and wonder can I still do it on the other emotions that have been void of life are hitting me like a ton of bricks . I recall the happiness of working on this pill but the last couple of months no amount could retain that feeling and everything is just dull to me I used to look forward to eating out but over the years working on projects is all the matters. I guess before the pill I had a strong drive but now I question if I did or what it was lately nothing matters I know its time to stop my family needs me emotionally and not just for paying bills or creating some grand restoration project man this is hard .