idonttan

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Everything posted by idonttan

  1. Day 9 and counting...My story begins...

    How are you doing now? Recovery is going to suck, and it's going to have its ups and downs, with far more downs than ups, but once you make it out of the withdrawal phase, you'll see why it's worth it. Therefore, be very very easy on yourself at first. I've found that regardless how hard I've tried to plan ahead to deal with the detox side effects, they're still inevitable, but they're also temporary.
  2. Vein failure

    I had severe leg pain at night when I was taking adderall as well, especially in my thighs, though it didn't get as severe as yours, probably because I took adderall for a shorter amount of time. Quitting first and foremost, followed by yoga and walking helped me A LOT, especially the yoga. The more blood circulation that you can get there, the better. Plus every time that I've relapsed, the leg pain would always return.
  3. The Six Month Challenge

    Made it past 6 months, day 275 today, but I did try to get in contact with my former psychiatrist, as well as attempt to see another one, but both attempts failed. I know these are all blessings in the long run, but I've been hitting a lot of lows lately, and it's making me miss my productivity and that dopamine high so much. Ugh, today and just this week in general has been very, very challenging, especially while sober.
  4. Found an old pill

    Good for you.. Just imagine tbe crash after the high has subsided, and not having anything to keep the dopamine release going. It's an absolute nightmare, and you would of wasted a whole day recovering and crying and not wanting to get out of bed.
  5. Crippling anxiety...

    I'm not far from being 7 months clean myself, and I've been struggling with daily panic attacks lately. I don't understand what's going on with my body and mind. I had no idea this would be part of the recovery? I thought that once I quit the Adderall, the panic attacks would lessen... When will it just cool down already?
  6. The Six Month Challenge

    Day 178. The panic attacks have drastically increased in the recent months, and I don't understand it. Adderall was what gave me the regular panic attacks, and once I quit it, I became so much more relaxed.. But that was only temporary. I've never before had it happen this frequently. I feel lost and confused
  7. Hang in there, it gets better! You'll eventually reach a point where you will be motivated enough to eat the right amount of the food. It just takes some patience and dedication... it's possible!
  8. The Six Month Challenge

    Back at it at posting here again.. Day 149.. 1 day away from marking 5 months of sobriety, and man do I miss that dopamine induced high!
  9. The Six Month Challenge

    Day 146. It's been a very low week due to work stress. I still want to go back to Adderall every time these stresses occur at work, but then I remember the person that I was when on it. I was paranoid, with tics, and getting stuff done while destroying everything around me.
  10. Colds are the worst without adderall

    It's funny you write that, because this is the first year that I've been sober the longest from Adderall, and I haven't had a cold all year.. for once in the 3 years that I was using! Although allergy season is finally starting to creep up on me :/
  11. The Six Month Challenge

    Day 127... Work has been getting super stressful with a million things due at once, and it feels so surreal to be continually doing all this work without Adderall.. On one hand, I give myself props, on the other I am so behind and always wondering: Am I really not going to find any Adderall to take, to help me complete this? Hate the stressful eating that comes with getting work done.
  12. The Six Month Challenge

    120 days/4 months clean today! Hooray!
  13. Angry, hungry& tired... "Where's my carton of ice cream and my gallon of coffee, and it's time for my 3pm nap for 2 hours now!!"
  14. No more diet coke or adderall-vyvanse!!

    My milk went bad so I decided to try using heavy cream instead... It's surprisingly not bad. Very high on the calories but I would definitely try it again.
  15. The Six Month Challenge

    This thread doesn't seem very active but after yet another relapse, I am very proud to say that I've finally reached 100 days without adderall!! I have quit in the past, 2-3 times, but never gone further than 93 days. My goal has always been to just reach 100, and then take it from there. Now that I've finally met that goal, I can't say that I feel a million times better, but life without adderall for this long is not as painfully horrific as I thought it'd be.
  16. When does the anxiety stop???

    Do you exercise? If not, you should consider doing that on a regular basis
  17. What's up w/the crazy dreaming since tapering?

    Your mind and body has a lot of emotions to process, so I believe it's normal that you would wake up tired. Dreams often remind us of things and really make us wonder, which always requires energy. Have you tried the guided sleep meditation videos on youtube? I've only done it once but it helped me fall asleep a lot easier and in a much calmer state of mind.
  18. What's up w/the crazy dreaming since tapering?

    You don't enjoy it? Vivid dreams were my favorite things to experience once I got off the Adderall. Maybe you're stressing about something in your waking life, which is causing a not so flattering dream? That tends to happen to me a lot during times of high stress.
  19. Other drugs no. And yes I do consider myself a drug addict. A recovering addict.
  20. Without Adderall I can finally...

    Without adderall I can get out of bed without feeling like I'm about to faint. Without adderall I can walk up a simple flight of stairs without getting a panic attack from my heart beating so quickly!
  21. Losing my resolve

    I'm finding myself in your exact situation/state of mind right now. I've officially hit yet another breaking point. It's winter here on the east coast, and cold though not as cold as usual for January, and I have officially entered the hibernation mode of where I am ALWAYS so damn tired and feel so unmotivated to do things. I miss this stuff so much and those bursts of crazy energy and focus that all I want to do is call up my old doctor and ask for a prescription. It also doesn't help that my Adderall use was so tied in with my own insecurities about my body and weight, and that I'm gaining weight and missing my old slim figure. The other day, I saw an advertisement for binge eating disorder, and the prescribed cure for it was vyanse, the cousin to Adderall.. What is wrong with this world? Anyway I just had to rant. It's comforting to see others on this forum going through the exact same thing as me.
  22. Do you think you might just be missing the dopamine high? I found it pretty normal to start hating my surroundings once I was off of this stuff because I missed that instant feeling of joy
  23. 18 months yesterday and my boss is a jerk

    Sounds like he's slacking off/messed up somewhere, and expected you to make up for his mistake. The person he hired could of also died of an unexpected heart attack if they continued their adderall use, so I want to tell him to shut it. Congrats on the 18 months! That's far more important than anything else!
  24. I could not for the life in me climax. It would take so damn long, and it just felt forced and not natural. Also my sex drive decreased drastically. I also started to get pains around my ovaries, which made me wonder about what the hell was going on inside my body that I couldn't see. Once off of it, all of that changed of course.
  25. Gonna try and quit again... I guess..

    Do YOU want to quit? Have you reached that low yet, where you might not be ready to quit, but deep within you, your inner voice is telling you to stop with the Adderall? If so, make a list of all the reasons why you want to quit, and how this drug has negatively impacted your life. Those lists have always served as a reminder for me about why it is that I quit.