AnonymousGirl

Side note, i just got a new job today... and what really shook me was as i was at the orientation the manager said "no one has a drug problem right? herion,oxycontin,coke,adderall... those are the bad ones." and everyone just laughed and said no... but it startled me to think, something i keep trying to logically reason that is okay to take, here is someone putting it into the same category as those horrible terrible unthinkable ones... how did this happen? How is it legal? I dont get it.. just thought i'd share that random thought

Robin, i am very moved by your post. You pretty much hit the nail on the head on all of the points, and it's assuring to know that someone else has been where i am, and came out a better person for it. You are absolutely right... i blatantly said how miserable adderall is making me... and yes, that is without a doubt, why i am here at the site. But see, my problem is that, right now, i cant afford to crash and sleep and not get the amount of stuff done that i currently am... I wish more than anything that i could, but i cant. I know i woudlnt even be in this predicament had i never even started, but i have and now here i am. I do hate the way adderall is making me feel... i am pale, skeletal and a zombie... and dead on the inside. I know that. But if i dont keep up at the speed i am going, things will fall apart... i dont know.. maybe i'm not even making sense? Okay, i probably realize i will stop, but how do i do so, and not completely fall into my depression hole? What are ways of successfully quitting... and still having energy and living a productive life?

Thank you, yes, alcohol has caused me only troubles in life... many troubles.

OH man, i'm almost embarrassed to be back at this site. I came here when i quit adderall... almost 2 years ago. And it was very easy. I quit with the determination to not gain weight, and lo and behold, i actually lost a TON of weight due to my dedication to exercise. But then the depression kicked in... and my heavy drinking and getting in trouble with the law. so finally, last june i decided to get back on adderall to kick start my life into the right direction i needed. It helped... alot. And i have been looking and feeling better than ever before... and that is my dilemma. I feel cold, numb, and not alive and unable to really care to make genuine relationships with people, because i am so selfish and so focused on myself. Today i took 2 20 mg xr's just to get me through an intensely busy day... but bottom line, the negative effects are starting to catch up with me again. I can't go through life on this up and down spiral of... crashing and sleeping for days to replenish my body, then waking up one day and taking them again and on a strenuous quest to find whatever it is i am trying to find in this life... only to be running in circles. I know it's only hurting me for the long term, but the problem is, i feel like when i stop, i look ugly... and sloppy and not as put together as i am when i am on it. But again, i would hate to go through my life on this constant up and down. not to mention the effects it has on my estrogen levels. I stopped for about a week last month and my breasts hurt SO bad... i knew it was all the estrogen coming through that my body has been blocking. If that makes sense? ANd that is when i realized just HOW bad this is on my body... so my question is... what do you do when, you know something is so bad for you in the long run, but so good for you in the short of it? I am so torn with this battle... idk what to do. I dont even know if this will make sense? But i do know, i would love to have the light in my eyes back.. and be able to live a meaningful life with a love and kids, which i doubt would happen if i continue to take it.. considering i distance myself from EVERYONE while on it. My main problem is, i am depressed. i know that. i am bipolar as well. And for me, the adderall helps me get out of bed... but maybe i need to find something else more suitable for depression? If anyone can relate, i would really appreciate the support... not even a therapist can fully understand this as they surely have never been in my situation.