SquirrelTail

Hi Sebastian, I can relate quite well with the anxiety you're experiencing. Long before taking stimulants, I was riddled with anxiety as a kid - even exhibiting Obsessive Compulsive tendencies (based heavily in anxiety). I'm not one to push meds, but if the anxiety seems irrational and oppressive like it has been with me, an SSRI antidepressant may be helpful. I've been on many antidepressants in my life, but recently I got to rediscover my "natural" state of being without any meds. My anxiety came back like when I was a kid. Anyways, I started taking Lexapro (an SSRI I tried about 10 years ago that worked well for me). That seemed to help and I stopped having the melt-downs I was having prior to it. Let me clarify that SSRI antidepressants are administered for depression as well as anxiety - which is why I wanted to bring it up despite your aversion. I feel I can relate a lot to how you're feeling and it might be something to consider. In my experience, if you do consider taking an antidepressant, be very wary of doctors pushing new meds. They're are plenty of SSRIs that have been around for years, thoroughly researched, and far cheaper than new meds seeking profit. Also, STAY AWAY FROM BENZOs (Klonopin, Zanax, Valium, etc). I know from personal experience that Benzos are a nasty med to get involved with. I wish you the best!

I came off Adderall and Vyvanse rather abruptly after an unforeseen opportunity to evaluate my existence sans medications (of which there were quite a few). I was miserable - I can attest to that. I've been off all stimulants for almost 3 1/2 months now. It's not been an easy road. In all honesty, I don't really have much of a life at all. I do laugh a lot more now and I'm okay as long as I'm living a dependent, low-responsibility existence. The issue arises in the immense amount of shame and guilt I experience on a daily basis because of the meaningless state my life has become. I'm not ambitious. I'm frightened and intimidated of even simple tasks or trivial experiences. I have no faith in myself and my lack of drive only compounds that. I know a lot of this is mental - if not all of it, but sensing the impatience of those around me and seeing the order and productivity of my life collapse around me makes resorting back to stimulants incredibly tempting. Having a pleasant mood wasn't an option for soooo long, but now - when confronted with what's more acceptable to those around me and what might make me feel less useless, I feel forced to choose between being happier or being productive. Will I ever get that drive back? Or will I have to sacrifice contentment for a justifiable existence? - Squirrel Tail