brittkitt

Damn, you hit the nail on the head with your interpretation of AA/NA...I am so sick of going. It's not that I feel like drinking or using when I am there (maybe if I were to go to NA, which is part of the reason I don't)but because I am sick of feeling guilty for not going all the time like I used to, blah, blah. You should email me at britt3235@gmail.com...makes it a lot easier. I have limited time at the moment and last week my boyfriend was away for a few days which is why I could access this site more frequently. Anyway, hit me up on the gmail if you like...it will be easier to respond...

Meth was the best drug I ever did, next to ecstacy. Thank God I could not find meth in my area or I don't even want to think about what would have happened. Was that your DOC (drug of choice)? My use is not anywhere near what it was before I went to rehab - in fact right now I am tapering my dose and almost down to one 20 mg pill per day. What bothers me the most is how devastated my boyfriend was when he discovered I had been lying to him for months on end...he left, again, and I decided to go to rehab. As I said in my first post, this was my 16th fucking time in rehab. I thought that after everything I went through leading up to rehab, plus being there once again and really wanting (at the time) to stay off of it. But I didn't. I have quit everything else so I know I can quit this shit, but everytime I have been completely clean from everything, I have wanted that "majic pill". Adderall is the majic pill. I took it as prescribed for almost 2 years and then out of the blue I realized how many were gone from my script in a very short period of time. Do you attend NA or AA? I have been in and out of AA for 15 years...I choose AA over NA because of long term sobriety. NA tends to be much younger kids (I'm 40) who are really not serious about getting clean. At least around Philly - that is my experience.. The reason I ask is because anyone in AA will tell you that if you put any substance in your body you begin the phenomenon of craving. I can buy that to a certain extent, but if I were to tell anyone in AA that I started taking this again, they would immediately tell me that it will only get worse, not better. Well, I have proven that it is getting better, not worse. I do not agree with some of opinions of some of my fellow AA people Being homeless is quite an eye opener as it seems you are familiar with. I was homeless when I lived in Florida and addicted to crack. It sucked and I never want to go through that again. How did you land the great job? I am not even going to get into my job...I am trying VERY hard to find another job because my boss is insane. She is verbally abusive, belittling and disrespectful. Far from the company I like to keep and also somewhat of an excuse to keep taking this shit. Yes, one of my boyfriend's requirements in his girlfriend is for me to be completely clean. I respect that. I just have to fucking do it. Your thoughts on my current dosage?

Hey Jon, Thank you SO much for your response. You said I probably would not like what you had to say, but actually, it helped me and I need to hear things like this. I do want to quit; I just have to do it. Everytime my script starts running low I tell myself I will be fine when it runs out but then end up scheming until I have it again. Obviously I want to quit "trying" to quit or I would not be on a website dedicated to people who are addicted to adderall and I would not be seeing a therapist who is trying to help me deal with trying to quit. What did you do to quit? Congratulations on your one year clean from adderall and your three months from everything else. Addiction sucks... Thank you for helping...

I am brand new to this site out of desperation. I have been struggling with adderall addiction for more than a year and I cannot stop taking it. I do not have ADD; a previous doctor prescribed the evil shit to me about 2 1/2 years ago because I was working a lot and concerned about staying up late. I am in recovery from heroin, pills, cocaine and alchohol since September 2008. Have not touched any of those drugs since. My boyfriend is also in recovery - he has almost 3 years sober. My adderall addiction escalated last summer, my boyfriend left countless times after finding out I was still taking it. In December 2011, after he thought I had been off of it for four months, he found a script. He left again, we spent Christmas apart. It was agonizing. I decided to go to rehab (my 16th time in rehab) because I knew I could not stop. After spending 25 days in rehab, I returned home and tried resume a normal life, but I could NOT STOP thinking about adderall. With about 60 some days clean, I went back to the doctor and got another script. Now I am lying AGAIN - to everyone - while acting as if I am clean. If my boyfriend found out the consequences would be horrible, not to mention how incredibly hurt he would be. He was devasted the last time he found out I was still taking it, and now I am doing the same thing again??? What the hell is wrong with me? I am an ADDICT and I cannot stop. I have already gone to treatment, I am seeing a therapist to try and get through this, I am on Wellbutrin, what else can I do? Any feedback is greatly appreciated...THANK YOU Britt