Jump to content
QuittingAdderall.com Forums

Doge

Members
  • Posts

    796
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    89

Posts posted by Doge

  1. Agreed with other people above!  Now you have a firm reminder why you quit.  Focus on the future, and rest assured things will get better faster than last time, at least for the first couple weeks.  You can bounce back from this!  The fact that you are already being honest with yourself is a great sign!  :)

    What's the plan to prevent this from happening again?  Do you have any bridges (access to refills down the road) left unburnt?  Burn them!

    • Like 1
  2. On 8/29/2020 at 2:19 AM, DelaneyJuliette said:

    I tell myself that I cannot tolerate acute lethargy for 5 to 12 months.  Is that true?  Who knows.  It feels true.  It is so frustrating.

    How about just one more day?  Can you handle it for one more day?  Try to keep yourself thinking in those terms.  Because then tomorrow, you can ask yourself the same question.  Can you take it for just one more day?  Just focus on the next step which is getting through the day.  You don't have to deal with the whole upcoming year right now.  Just today.  It sounds cheesy but I promise it helps!

    A few of those days go by and then you probably had at least one that was a sliver better than days past, and it will gradually get easier with time.

    This too shall pass.

    PS - I really miss the tickers in our signatures.  It used to be so encouraging to watch it go up each day. :'(

    • Like 2
  3. Quote

    ALWAYS ended the night sobbing uncontrollably promising myself to never do this shit again. SMH.

    It's amazing what we let ourselves get away with and convince ourself is normal.  I used to be like this too, then next time I took adderall I'd look back and rationalize it as "i was just tired, silly me for being so dramatic", only to find myself in that sad place again within 48 hours.

    • Like 2
  4. Quote

    I quit smoking cigarettes and Adderall simultaneously. That alone took a huge hit on my energy levels. I am also working full time on top of that, and struggling to eat 1200 calories a day to maintain weight loss.

     

    I agree with sleepy, this seems like a bit much.... 

    Don't get me wrong, if you can pull it off power to you!  But if you ever get to the point where you feel that like something has to give, I'd first look at your caloric intake.  Once you get clean from longer you can shit your focus to your weight.  And this doesn't mean you can't eat healthy, but caloric deficit on top of recovery sounds (to me) like too much at once.

    Remember you aren't a superhero, and that's OK!

    • Like 1
  5. agreed.  I notice you conclude with the decision that a long break is needed.  I promise you I've tried that.  I took almost a year off (intending to quit), but in a day of weakness I decided that should be enough to reset myself, and go back to using responsibly like in the honeymoon phase.  it won't happen.  you'll go RIGHT back to your maximum level of abuse and probably start incrementally making it worse and worse as time goes on (which is precisely what I did).  you are so young, it's such a good time to quit.  (not take a break!)  enjoy the positivity that comes from that!

    I recommend you take immediate steps to get your prescription cut off, while you're seeing things clearly.  your doctor won't judge you.  in fact from the stories I hear the problem is often the opposite.  the doctors often tend to think addicts are just overreacting or dramatizing the problem.

    • Like 1
  6. There will inevitably be moments where our resolve disappears, we change our mind (temporarily), and go looking for pills.  It's important to burn bridges in advance and take away your access so that you're able to ride out those storms.  Best wishes!

  7. Quote

    This is old, but just wanted to share that I’ve been on nuvigil for the past month while.l quitting vyvanse cold turkey. Quitting ALOT of vyvanse cold turkey. 
     

    it’s been great for me - I don’t have cravings to take more than prescribed like I did with vyvanse, and feel like it has made the past month+ a little less miserable. Initially I was taking 250mg, but that made my anxiety go crazy so I’ve gone down to 125 and am in the perfect range. 
     

    Just wanted to share my positive experience. 

    Please share it cautiously, and remember that a suggestion like the one you are implicitly making could be disastrous for many on this forum and wreak havoc on the recovery that they have worked so hard to preserve.

    • Like 1
  8. congratulations on 4 months!  That is a huge milestone.  there are definitely hard times ahead still but you are getting stronger by the day!

    say focused, and remember to keep celebrating the small victories, soon you'll be celebrating half a year! :)

    • Like 2
  9. Don't beat yourself up!  It's not ridiculous that you caved.  If you think about what adderall does to your brain, it's a miracle that anyone ever quits (I mean that to say that recovery is precious, not that anyone should feel that quitting is too hard)! 

    I definitely relapsed many times myself.

    Forgive yourself, look after yourself, but take action immediately!  Cut off your future self and burn any bridges that may catch you later.  Get that script shut down and tell your doctor everything!

    I applaud you for seeking help from counsellors.  Great plan! :) stay strong

    • Like 3
  10. keep it up dolssa, we're all rooting for you!  look after yourself by removing any "backdoor options" your inner addict can use against you when you're feeling weak.

    if you have any bridges at all, burn them while you're feeling strong!

    • Like 2
  11. I absolutely love your posts!  I always have thought the hardest part is forgiving yourself and you've eloquently unpacked that into many really great ideas I've never thought of.

    I remember finding healing from music also, especially during the first two months.  There's so much stuff that's way better when you aren't on adderall.

    • Like 1
  12.  

    @NurseAddy thanks very much, it’s been a wild ride and life definitely got hard during this time (for other reasons) but it’s really nice to be able to own the accomplishment of overcoming those barriers without the help of a demon whispering in your ear.  even as recently as a couple months ago I was having a rough day and my subconscious brain started to come up with a plot to maybe convince a doctor to give me a prescription but fortunately those thoughts are few and far between now.

    I still frequently have nightmares about relapsing, a couple where i broke into my friends house (who lives in another city) when he wasn’t home and raided his stash, because I know he hoards extras.  But when I woke up, I pretty much shrugged it off and didn’t think about it for the rest of the day (except to think about how grateful I Was that it was just a dream).  

    my cravings are mostly subconscious now, I PROMISE YOU the cravings do calm down and I DO have faith that they will eventually go away entirely.

    The hardest part is forgiving yourself honestly.

      But you are correct that once and addict, always an addict.  You will never be able to use the drug again without immediately crashing headfirst right back down to the depths of the pits you are currently working so hard to dig yourself out of.

    i think the fact that you don’t hear from many users that have been clean past a few years is a testament to the fact that life really does go on after adderall.  After a while they just stop thinking about it and close that chapter of their life.

    • Like 4
  13. Quote

    I think the sober me desperately wishes to believe that, but the addict me is already too excited that it's refill time that I subconsciously know what's about to happen. 

    Nailed it.  This is me to a T.

    I'm a little late to respond to this but here's what I suggest.  Best thing you can do is just tell your doctor you're killing yourself by binging and that you need the prescription taken away.  Tell your doctor EVERYTHING.  And when you're lying around during the crash feeling horrible hating yourself, do it THEN.  Pick up the phone and tell your doctor.  It's a terrifying thing to do because you can't go back.  But that's the whole point.  When you're 3 years clean, you will probably be able to say no.  When you're 3 months clean.... probably not.

    The addict inside your head will be all like, "just wait until you feel better".  But by then it'll be too late and you'll already be looking forward to your next fix instead of wanting to quit.

    I'm about a year and a half clean, and if some stranger on the street offered me adderall tomorrow, I hope i'd say no.  But honestly I really don't know I might take it.  The fact that I don't have any access is my biggest ally.  It's the only reason I'm free from that shit.  Tell your doctor to cancel the prescription!

    Sorry this is a disorganized mess of thoughts, but I'm rooting for you!

    • Like 3
  14. By the way, I have also kept my recovery secret in my own life.

    Most people here recommend telling others close to you.  Because while you might feel embarrassed to display your vulnerabilities to those who care about you, it's totally worth it if it helps prevent you from relapsing. 

    That being said, it's a very personal choice.  I've successfully kept my recovery a secret from my family and friends, but it has also possibly cost me a handful of DAMAGING slips that might have been avoided otherwise.  It saved my pride, but possibly took months or years off my life.  Adderall is vicious to your body.  Just my thoughts.

    • Like 2
×
×
  • Create New...