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Doge

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Posts posted by Doge

  1. Quote

    It’s truly hard for me to tell what is the result of withdrawal and what is the result of any dissatisfactions I’m having with my situation in life (career, where I’m living, relationships, etc). I suspect those two things are highly related, which makes navigating what real changes I may need to make that much more difficult.

    This is true on so many levels.  I'd be lying if I said I had the answer.  I'm super glad you posted (I just logged in out of the blue after a long hiatus from the forums and your post is the first one I saw).

    3 months is AWESOME by the way!  I found the 60 day point was when I found myself in a relapse cycle, so punching through that barrier was a huge thing for me.

    The recovery depression is definitely real for me too.  Once you get cleaned and start seeing the bigger picture that is your life, it's easy to beat yourself up for the past.

    Something that I heard recently is a quote:  "Guilt is lazy energy." and I've been reflecting on it a lot lately.  It's good to reflect on mistakes and learn from them, but if you over do it and beat yourself up you are just focusing on the past rather than working towards seizing the future that is available to you.

    All I do know for sure is, no matter what your story is, it does get better the longer you stay clean.  Your brain re-calibrates itself slowly over time.
     

    Quote

    Just getting this out there and relating to some people who have gone through recovery would be a big help right now.

    This I can definitely confirm!  Post lots, and remember to celebrate the small victories.  Even the shittiest day you could ever possibly have is a victory if it puts you another day further away from "adderall hell".

    • Like 3
  2. yeah we dont have profile signatures anymore.  oh well.  there are many ways to keep track of days.  maybe sometimes its nice to just say "doesn't matter how long it's been.  quit is quit.  1 month, 5 months, 2 years, makes no difference"

    • Like 1
  3. Thinking about this a bit more the next morning.  I don't know what happened to me lately but it's like I spent the last couple months in complete denial that this ever happened.  For some reason I snapped out of the trance and it was like shocking to think back on what actually happened.

     

    For anyone who has the opportunity to move to a new city and get away from all the triggers and temptations, I can state for the record that it REALLY helps to get a break from hating yourself.

     

    Though as I said above, it can also be easy to forget a little bit too much, and let your guard down.

  4. Check out the comments section on this article. Crazy denial and victim shaming.

     

    Don't have any answers but there are enormous hurdles to convincing people this is a problem they should have a compassionate interest in:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/16/magazine/generation-adderall-addiction.html?_r=0

     

    Great article, BTW.

     

    This article is the best I have ever read.  I have never been through a more accurate depiction of the honeymoon phase.  This person nails it exactly down to every detail for me.  And then where it goes next.

     

    I have spent the last ten minutes reading this article with my jaw dropped completely.  It feels like ages ago but its not.   It's so not...

     

    I think that's what makes it so easy and tempting to return to, even though it was insanity.  I have always managed to convince myself that it is some distant memory that can't hurt me.  How wrong that is...

    • Like 2
  5. Ok, I guess nobody saw it, but I'll post the link to it tomorrow when it's available.  It was weird this segment was featured today as I feel like a lot of people are struggling right now.  Sounds maybe a little insane, but I am a huge believer in people from the other side trying to help us.  When I was in the depths of my adderall days, I went to a psychic one night after all this bad crap went down.  The psychic called me out on my addiction issues (like absolutely nailed it) and told me get help immediately.  Then that night I got home and there was a segment on E about Lindsay Lohan and her decline highlighting adderall addiction.  I swear on my life that was not by accident.  

     

    I just get this strong sense that today's show was not an accident either.  It was about how rampant ADHD drugs are now on campus.  One kid said basically, "EVERYONE is doing it."  The best part about this segment airing today was the overwhelming gratitude that came over me knowing I am so blessed to have overcome this struggle.  I still can't believe I did it and almost have 6 years.  Sometimes I question how the hell I got this far and I just pray that I never relapse.  There have been so many times I have contemplated it.  There have been times I've come pretty freaking close and I just thank GOD I didn't.  It's a miracle still to this day because this drug was HARD to overcome.  But it's not hard anymore and it feels awesome to keep in touch with all of you and be able to lend a hand whenever possible.  Some people don't make it and for that I am very sad.  I pray they come back to us.  And there are those of you who kick this and I pray you stick around and visit to help the people struggling.  We don't always have the same exact battles and nobody is going to take the exact same path as someone else that will make them stay clean. But what we do have is maybe tidbits here and there from everyone and I think those tidbits of help from the group as a whole are what makes recovery work.  You just have to keep adding more tools to your tool belt in your efforts to get clean.  If something doesn't work, try something else.  If someone gives you crappy advice, go to someone else.  The answers will come if you keep searching and don't give up.  They may come when you least expect it or maybe it takes longer than you anticipated.  It is good if you can learn to accept your feelings along the way good or bad and try not to get caught up in the short term shit storms life can throw your way at times.  You just keep reminding yourself of your long term happiness and well being ahead.  Adderall is a temporary fix and will just keep you coming back for more and more causing you to be dependent and trapped.  Break free now and heal your brain, mind, body, and soul.  You will thank yourself down the road.  Just don't quit your quit!!!

     

    I know this is an old Post Erin but it was really insightful.  I read it for the first time tonight in detail and it's really the perfect truth.

  6. I actually forgot how long it had been, hadn't been thinking about adderall for a while since I have a lot going on (mostly good things) in my life right now.  That has really helped me a lot.  I'm happy to see I cracked the 4 month mark; I haven't been "this clean" in a long time.

     

    I had a tickle of a craving last night, wouldn't it be nice if I just had a few... and I remember I hadn't visited this site in a while.  As much as it's nice to be thinking about other things and forget about my nightmare of an addiction for a while, by ignoring it I am neglecting my recovery.  And that is why I failed last time.  I need to be back here often.

     

    I'm glad to see so many famliar names are doing so well, well into their second year already!  Wow!!  That's so awesome!

     

    For those of you I haven't met yet, hope to connect with you soon.

    • Like 2
  7. your fear is typical of anyone facing this tough decision.

     

    just know that eventually the adderall will not work at all, and by then its grip will be iron tight and quitting will be even harder.

     

    I like the quote, "when you've got to eat shit, best to swallow and be done with it".  tell your doctor to cut you off!

    • Like 3
  8. re: that video

    HOLY SHIT that is powerful.  every bit of it is so beautifully horribly accurate.

     

    that was totally me in the shower holding my head in my hands with my brain screaming at myself

     

    "why... how could you do this again...."

     

    re: the lottery

     

    you totally had me going there too haha

  9. Having time to hang out with friends, or play sports, or go out drinking, (and even taking pills to do these things at all costs), but never having time for you is a common theme I hear from partners of users posting on this site.

     

    I think it's because all the other things, there is some sort of activity involved, that adderall makes you better at.  It makes you better at drinking, better at golfing, better at hockey, etc.  But it takes away your ability to just be available and be who you are for the other person to enjoy being with.

     

    There are so many analogies between addiction and abusive relationships.  You are what is good for your boyfriend, and the right choice to make, but adderall is what he chooses anyway, every time.  It's really sad.

     

    I think you made the right choice for yourself by getting out of that situation.  Sorry for the pain and I hope you find healing.

    • Like 1
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