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Doge

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Posts posted by Doge

  1. Tinkering with electronics is incredibly mentally draining.  I used to take apart Nintendo Wii's, Playstations, Xbox's etc, and solder in modchips in them for friends and stuff way back in the day.  Now I just don't have the energy/focus for it.

     

    Maybe you dont want to do it now because you weren't really all that interested in it to begin with, or maybe you were but you just don't have your drive back yet.  Time will tell.  But if it was really something you were/are passionate about, I'm sure you will get back into in due time!

    • Like 1
  2. Whee made it!  Have hardly thought of adderall this last month.  I certainly set myself back but all my work last year was not in vein.  

     

    I got it together this time for sure.  I feel like as far as my laziness factor goes, I'm definitely barely at the 60 day mark.  I hardly get any work done and I'm surprised I haven't been fired from my job.

     

    But psychologically, as far as cravings go (this is what I was really afraid of) I haven't had any yet, and as far as happiness, well lately I feel like I'm back where I was right before relapsing (well last few days have been good anyways, mostly because of the beautiful weather we're suddenly having).  It's good that I didn't let it go on any longer than I did, it could have led to total destruction.

     

    One nice thing about being a loner during recovery, is I have cut out a lot of the people in my life who weren't really good for me.  I don't mean bad influences as far as drugs go or anything, but just people that don't reciprocate friendship at all.  I've pretty much cut them out of my life and I've made a couple of new friends and gotten quite close with someone who used to be just an acquaintance.

     

    Sad that I won't see them much in a few months when I move, but the little things still matter.

    • Like 2
  3. wow so you're a couple weeks away from the 5 month point!!  that's so awesome!
     

    I recall a really rough patch between 4-5 where I almost felt like I was starting to feel worse than a month or so prior.   Around the 7th month mark I noticed a huge improvement, and the first time where a week or so went by without even thinking about the drug.

    There is light at the end of the tunnel man.  Just try to remember how amazing you are for quitting.

     

    btw, nice avatar..........     *switch to jesse voice*  bitch!  :D

  4. When people say it takes years to fully recover, it's important to understand that doesn't mean you're going to feel shitty for that whole time.  You're going to notice massive improvements constantly along the way.

     

    Hang on to that Sunday, because it's coming back.  Next time it might last for 3 days though, then you might have another crappy week again after.  But the overall trend is that things are going to be improving for you.

     

    Keep posting when you feel shitty.  

     

    Also, I highly recommend getting a ticker.  It's really satisfying to count the days and constantly be reminded of how close you are getting to your next milestone.  It gives a tiny little bit of short term validation that our dopamine deprived brains so desperately need.

    • Like 2
  5.  

     

    I know deep down if I took that pill I'd feel very disappointed in myself.

    Can confirm from experience.

     

    I think I was rounding in on my tenth month clean when I managed to manipulate my way into getting my hands on some.

     

    I did 15 pills in about 12 hours.  By the time they were gone I was bawling.  I had been doing so well, and was on the road to happiness and threw it all my progress away in an instant.  And for nothing.  I pulled an all nighter so what?  It wasn't even fun or productive or anything.

     

    I've actually been reading a lot of your posts Frank, I think you may have started posting here during the time I was away on my relapse and couldn't bring myself to log into this site.  I really feel you man.  I find your posts inspiring really.  You are so honest about where you are at and your dedication to quitting comes through in your words.  

     

    Whenever you are feeling like you are hating yourself just try to remember how massive of an undertaking it is to get off of two different extremely abusive substances at once.  You are a winner right now.  Remember that.

     

    As for your last sentence, I'm really glad you have kids then, it breaks my heart to hear you talk like that and yet on the other hand I totally understand feeling like my soul is dead inside and there is just no point.  

     

    One day not too long from now you will find true happiness again, even if it starts off coming just in little small doses.

    • Like 2
  6. does it really get better at 6 months?

     

    At around 5 months I had a horrible weeklong craving that just didn't let up and I was convinced I was never going to be over adderall.  Then afterwards, within a couple of months, life was full of bliss in comparison, just for being normal.  I still didn't have my productivity back, but the misery had passed for a while.  I now look back at on it as the calm after the storm.

     

    The worse you feel during this phase, the better its going to feel when the pendulum swings back the other way.  You're still working towards equilibrium at this point.  Stay strong you are doing great!

    • Like 1
  7. Bah, i didn't even notice this thread when I did my analysis of L-Tyrosine.  Yeah it gives me headaches too unless I go exercise right away on it.

     

    For some reason I had no negative effects from 5-HTP, its my favorite supplement.  It really balances me out when I'm feeling shitty, and I have zero compulsion or desire to take it when I'm feeling fine so I am not worried at all about it becoming a habit.  I go though about a container (60 capsules) per year or so.

  8. yeah i still feel like that right now but only when im trying to force myself to focus on work.  when it comes to doing things I enjoy, the hours still just fly by.  but of course it wasn't like this during early recovery.  sometimes watching TV was exhausting lol

     

    i think the biggest challenge many people face when coming off of adderall is accepting that they've let adderall convince them they had passion for something they actually hate (like whatever job it drove them to take)

    • Like 2
  9. i smoked one to two packs a day of cigarettes while using adderall, now that im off it i have zero cigarette cravings.  so i bet your alcohol dependancy will fade too once you kick the pills

     

    i feel your pain about the relapse.  I pulled a similar stunt last november.  was really disappointed in myself.

     

    there is only one thing to do though, just jump back on the wagon and start again.

     

    it doesn't matter if you need NA or not honestly.  if it helps and you feel comfortable going there, why not use it as a tool to help yourself heal?  that's what its for right?

     

    as for denial, looking back my whole addiction was one big fluctuating denial phase......

    hope you are doing ok and welcome to the forums.  we can all get off this bullshit together! :)

    • Like 1
  10. I think sometimes waiting for a strategic time to quit is not always a bad thing.  But it can be easy to procrastinate quitting using this as an excuse.  It's probably good to just ask yourself hoenstly which one it is.

     

    You can be happy again!  You can be exaclty the same!  It just doens't happen over night.  But you'll notice huge improvements in as little 2-3 weeks if you stop taking them I promise!  The battle doesn't end there, but life does keep getting better again.

     

     

     

    I was happy but lacked the motivation, confidence, and motor skills to be successful.   :(

    If you were happy, you were already successful.  What good is motivation if it's just keeping you from the things you really love?  What good is confidence if its not real?  What good are motor skills if you are chained to a substance that doesn't let you be who you really are?

    I'm sure you've already contemplated these questions since you are here.

     

     

     

    Especially as a woman, I feel like there is pressure to be organized, tidy, detail-oriented, etc.  I know that sounds sexist, but I do not mean it to be.

     

    I do believe that men and women face unique challenges, struggles and expectations that society puts on us.  Adderall doesn't distinguish between them however, and it prays on your vulnerabilities and insecurities to make you think you need it to be a complete person.

     

    I think you should throw your prescription away, call in sick for a week if you can manage it, get a grocery cart full of your favorite snacks, and jump into bed with netflix and refuse to do anything but veg/sleep for a few days at least.  Things start looking a little bit better surprisingly fast!

    Good luck!  and know that we are here for you!

    • Like 1
  11. dont worry, i haven't been able to run even half a mile for some reason lately.  i keep lacing up and getting on the treadmill but i keep crapping out around half a mile. (today i only made it like 0.35)

    i think my problem is the monotony of staring at a wall while running.  it's not an escape.  i need to suck it up and learn to run on the ground like a normal person

  12. Necessary Disclaimer:  Nothing safe and healthy will ever work like adderall did.  So don't expect anything to.  But some supplements can be helpful.  

     

    Plenty of users have mentioned this supplement in the past, and not without good reason.  It does help focus for a bit and it kind of elevates your mood, but it does have side effects.  It can cause headaches, and nausea, which is why after buying some last summer and trying it twice, it sat on my shelf untouched for almost a year.  They can also keep you up all night if you aren't careful when you take one.

     

    I do realize now that I bought the 1000mg capsules, which is a pretty strong dose.  And breaking them in half feels like swallowing razorblades.  As for the headache/nausea problem, a solution I've found for myself is to make sure not to take them before sitting in a sedentary position.  

     

    So if you feel the need for a mental boost to sit and work on your paperwork hunched at a desk, I advice sticking to coffee and a multivitamin.

     

    Taking them before going jogging however has worked well for me, particularly if I'm trying to sweat out the beers that I shouldn't have had the previous night and feel like crap.  

     

    I run on a treadmill currently so the biggest obstacle in my progress is boredom.  They moved our stuff around in the gym so there is not even a TV nearby like there used to be (which was really nice).

     

    Anyways, I do have to say that L-Tyrosine does help you get mentally "in the zone" before exercising.  This is just my personal experience but in all other settings it does nothing but bring me down.

     

    For anyone who thinks it might be helpful for them and is thinking of getting some, be sure to get the smaller dosage capsules.

    • Like 2
  13. hello ashley, welcome back.  people were just talking about a member named ashley only a couple weeks ago, and wondering how she was doing.  now we all know.  congrats on your upcoming child!

     

    quit-once, apple fanboy here as well.  the newer windows versions are just a nightmare

     

    macbooks certainly cost more but they last way longer too.  the one I'm using now is about 3 years old and still runs like new.  never crashes or anything.  i only had to reformat once so far and that was because i was playing around iwth stuff i shouldn't and didn't know how to fix it.  I fully expect to get another 6 years out of this machine

    • Like 1
  14. This thread was totally an example of the social anxiety that adderall causes to me, both when I was on it, and now while I'm still adapting to being off it.

     

    I constantly think back to conversations and relive them and think about how I said the wrong thing or something.

     

    It applies to forums too.  "Oh I shouldn't have said that, etc."

    • Like 1
  15. Just wanted to say it really irritates me when people interupt and hijack threads and make everything all about them.  OK glad to get that off my chest.  Cause there is one particular user that is doing that a lot lately: me!

     

    It's a side effect of recovery for me.  I feel like I gave myself ADHD by abusing adderall so long.  Even though I never had it and only got adderall through other illegal means.  I am dealing with it now.

     

    So apologies to those who I've done it to.  I think they took it with grace and class cause they are nice people but just wanted to say I am working on improving with that.

     

    Life is not all about me, who knew?

    • Like 3
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