I have been on Adderall off and on for roughly 8 years or so...before Addrerall, I was self medicating with caffeine and diet pills...I believe that if I am not a "true" ADDer with some mild autistic-spectrum traits, then I must have brain damage or something..Extreme difficulty with work...house chores...organization...Whole life......Anywhoo..I think my decision to take Adderall was one made out of desperation and there was an edge of self destructiveness to it...I was past the point where I gave a damn about the long term ramifications of it...After years of excessive caffeine use and toil and struggle, I convinced myself that this was the way to go...so I took the plunge and now it is several years later. I don't take a very high dosage...I take the minimum amount that I need each day to be functional..but I supplement w caffeine again to compensate...I take supplements to help with my dopamine levels..L-tyrosine and l-theanine, when I have not run out of it....I take omega supplements...i monitor my blood pressure, which ran a bit high before I ever took adderall...In the state that I am currently in, I struggle with all the things I had trouble with before I ever started taking the stuff. .and also have to deal with this addictive chemical...the fear of withdrawal...the need to be somehow "functional"...the Desire to be much more functional than I am..Which I fear is impossible..My brain is a messed up clunky machine and I barely slide by as a passable human being...I would like to believe that there might be some kind of hope for improvement...without my having to be on this stuff for the rest of my life...I am interested in tapering off of it..rather than cold turkey..as it stands, I usually stretch my one month prescription to last as long as 21/2 or 3 months...so maybe I am not beyond hope.. I hate dealing w the constant fatigue..and the feeling of being a constant slave to impulses...I live in a very unstructured environment,,,and I try to fight against it but entropy is a difficult force to do battle with, and I don't have many people on my side,...
