JerseyGuy

I am 23 years old and have been taking adderall for about 4 years. I hate how adderall makes me feel, but I take it anyway. Here is how it basically goes every month. I go to the doctor, get my script filled, take it for a week (way above the amount which is prescribed for me) and then by the end of the week, end up flushing the majority of my pills down the toilet because I feel so run down and disgusting. I get no sleep. I barely eat, and my personality turns to crap. Then I spend about 2 weeks feeling great. I exercise, eat healthy, socialize more. Then as it gets closer to the time where I can get it filled again, I start to invent reasons in my head as to why I should get it filled, and then I do. I took it for 3 years in college and it helped me a lot, but the past year, I basically have taken it for no reason. I finally got a full time job with a salary about a month ago, and I am realizing that this weird obsession with adderall is going to eventually cost me my job. Basically, does anyone have any advice on how I can stop convincing myself to start taking it again? Can anyone relate to this? Thank You