Hey guys,
My life has been spinning out of control for a while now, without me even knowing it. I've been taking adderall for probably close to 10 years, although I'm not sure exactly. This is mostly because in my younger years, I was a very hyperactive troublemaker, and was on quite a few different medications as a teenager. Initially, I didn't really take the adderall, I would just sell it to friends; but somewhere down the road, I started taking my daily full prescribed dosage(60mg XR), and even surpassing that.
I think it hit me that I have a problem when I went to Paris for a summer job opportunity in june/july... a single day didn't go past in which I took any less than 80. I'm chain smoking like crazy, and feel like my skin has aged a decade in the past year (please tell me that is something that can be remedied...).
In the past, I've always ridden the roller coaster- binge and dive- but as time goes on, I'm getting crazier and crazier with it. Ultimate horror story: one time, to get something important done on a strict deadline, I took probably 300 mg in 24 hours. I was pacing around like a lunatic, sweating and chain smoking.
So it's clear that I have to stop this, the person I want to be is someone who can accomplish what is necessary WITHOUT adderall. However, I do have extreme concerns. I'm still a student in college, going for Music Composition("classical" music), and my semester starts soon. I feel like it could be a stupid idea to quit now, or just a set up for failure. There is ALOT of pressure to succeed this year, because my graduate school auditions will be next fall, etc.
Also, I think it should be known that I probably haven't written any music without the use of adderall in a VERY long time(if ever, possibly). Frankly, it scares me alot, but at the same time, I feel like I've been running in circles for years. Maybe this is what I need to do with my life... either way, let me know what you all think; I'll probably need some sort of support, because I've been pushing everyone who cares about me away for the past year.
Thanks alot.