Traceme

Members
  • Content count

    80
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

72 Excellent

About Traceme

  • Rank
    Member
  • Birthday 08/28/1976

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Michigan

Recent Profile Visitors

1,258 profile views
  1. Where is everyone from?

    I can relate Sunnie - northern Michigan.
  2. I have been thinking about getting a SMALL tattoo. I have lots of ideas but I am a bit of a gypsy and am afraid I will grow tired of the same thing-forever. I would need to always love it because I wouldn't ever go through taking it off. I am just curious as to how happy people are with their body art? Share what yours symbolizes if you'd like. I love to look at peoples tattoos and I am usually not shy about telling someone I am admiring their artwork-maybe this is offensive. I honestly am not sure of the etiquette. Anyway...just for fun.
  3. This brings tears of joy to my face for you. I know the strength it has taken on both sides to get you where you are now...together. Thank you for posting your story.
  4. I read something on few different medical sites that talk about how important a GOOD probiotic is as part of a decent diet. Like the ones you find in a small refrigerator inside a health food store. The good gut bacteria and the enzymes that are produced are responsible for a huge amount of body functions and they will not fire correctly without it. Did you know that 90 ish percent of your bodies serotonin is produced in your stomach? I just find that fascinating. Your brain needs those enzymes to produce and distribute serotonin. ESPECIALLY important for people quitting an amphetamine, but also important for anyone suffering from anxiety. Some people have found that a good probiotic alone all but alleviates their anxiety, which in turn can sometimes make the symptoms you have, quietly and mysteriously-go away. I don't have any links to credible sources but if you google serotonin and good bacteria in your body, you'll find some interesting articles and some people who swear by a good probiotic and how it's chnaged their lives for the better.
  5. So Annoyed

    There are so many things wrong within our society...due mainly to the lack of both character and the respect of human dignity. Im so sorry you are going through this. Its deplorable. In the mean time there are many docs with solid character and hearts that genuinely want to help you. Its great that you seek out new docs to help you achieve overall happiness and well being. It's really quite brave and have I the deepest admiration for you and anyone who gets on their own road to recovery. Don't give up
  6. Faded memories

    Did you have any pictures of yourself while using? If so what differences if any do you see if you don't mind sharing?
  7. No Contact

    You are right. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I am working on ways to distract myself from wanting to contact him. Hopefully soon, with the help of some great books-I won't have to think about not contacting him-It will just be the way things are.
  8. No Contact

    No contact. I am in new waters and I am lost. I could use some direction. We have all probably heard of "The No Contact Rule" at some point in our lives. To me personally, it seems so un-human. In the same breath, however, I do understand that it can help with your own healing-your mental clarity-even some decisions that need made-might all be done with the help of no contact. My love moved-without notice or a good-bye even, to North Carolina from Michigan one week ago. Yes-the same person who, I, for some damn reason even to this very moment,I still feel a sense of loyalty to that is so strong-from a distance I probably look like a giant brunette golden retriever. Another word one might use is-codependent. *sigh* What I was wondering is, does no contact really work? Why am I asking all of you? Some of you had to do "no contact" or "cold turkey" to get away from adderall. The "taper-down" method doesn't work for a lot of people so you need cut off completely to help solidify your step towards sobriety. As addicts-you have probably had the no-contact rule applied to you by various people in your lives. For some reason, this never ever sat well with me as someone who was told to do this from many different people/websites, who would swear it was the only way I would heal-or help even from my addicts behavior. I realize it may seem like there are fucking obvious answers (I know, I am in your heads right now ) to these questions. HE left ME for God's sake. He DIDN'T even say GOOD-BYE for Christ's sake (still dealing with anger here-struggling-not sorry I am angry )... but there are a few extenuating circumstances here that leave me with loose heart strings. I am probably making excuses-but-oddly he has reached out to me somewhat and I have been not contacting him. It feels wrong. Does it feel wrong because I am in codependentville right now and I am conditioned for what DOESN'T work? Am I just an empathetic fool that needs better boundaries? Anyway-I guess if you've ever had this rule applied to you-in any situation really how did it make you feel, and what did it make you realize-if anything? If you ever applied this rule what were your results? I take full responsibility for where I am right now. I fucked up. My poor love tried to let me go so many times over the last 18 months or so. I just wouldn't let him go. I should of. Not for me-but for him...I feel I may of stunted his growth on his journey to sobriety. I just really felt the love-it was so unconditional-it felt free-but overflowing. So hard to describe. I am so grateful for being able to feel like that for someone-truly a gift.
  9. addict

    Hi Bones-I know where you are. You're in hell with her. My advice is my experience. My love tried for a couple of years to break things off with me-sort of like your wife is trying to do with you and your marriage. I was the glue dammit. I was gorilla glue. I should of listened to my addict. If someone wants to walk out of your life- Let. Them. Go. It's a tough, hard, shitty, painful lesson. I was with my love six years. He has been off medication since early March of this year. Without notice or even a good-bye he moved to NC from MI a week ago. After all the hell you are gonna go through-let me just say I kick myself for trying so hard to be with someone who deep down didn't want a relationship. I watch this video everyday. It just helps. Let. Them. Go. This is your life too-you can love her-but you need to love you and your kids without that dragon breathing down your neck everyday. I love my love. I still love him so much after everything.
  10. Nada

    I do that a lot.
  11. Feeling out of control

    You seem so easy to relate to ( I can also be that asshole) and really so freaking awesome that if you were on adderall writing this...I bet OFF adderall you would be all those things times 1000! So you know what? You are going to be better than okay...you are going to be amazing! I admit, I know this from an outsiders perspective-but believe me-I know a lot of people when they are on it...and a lot of people when they run out...I have NEVER met a person yet, that is better on it. Not one. Even when they may feel tired, out of the loop, useless and run down...they are ALWAYS genuine when they are out. This drug seems to steal that first in my own opinion. Being genuine is a priceless character commodity.
  12. Does the season change help you?

    I sympathize with you Blue-feeling nothing almost seems like it would be a little worse than how I feel. How do you guys manage to get up and going everyday...I truly admire the strength or the will it must take to accomplish such a daunting feeling or lack thereof. I honestly don't know if I would have it in me at this point. I think my happiness lies within how content I am. I don't believe I am very content right now. I feel a little forced into this loneliness but I guess I've really been avoiding dealing with myself for sometime now-and well...guess now is as good of time as any for this soul search.
  13. Poster Child for Relapse

    I am so happy for you, proud for you, excited for you. You are amazing!
  14. Does the season change help you?

    Thanks LilTex! I am trying daily for a better place. I am sure there has to be one-so it feels more like a search/adventure...than a feeling. That adjustment period is hell...but I am climbing. (Baby steps) Frank-the anxiety is horrible (at least I think what I am feeling is anxiety because I am not calm either)...I hate it. I have anxiety about the stupidest crap...like...sleeping. I will wake myself up at night worried that I won't get enough sleep and then not be able to fall back asleep. I have that empty feeling in my stomach every single day. Empty with worry. It's not a place I want to reside in either. Heck, I never even wanted to visit this emotion. I never had anxiety before...my whole life felt happy go lucky...enter adderall.....bye bye sanity.
  15. Hello all- I woke up to a new calendar month and a cooler breezy day and I thought about change. Change is hard for me. I don't know when that became hard for me or how I came to realize it was hard for me-but I want to try to embrace that now. I usually fight it-to the point of tears really-and I don't want to do that anymore. I want to "use" this season change to the fullest. I don't know I would feel the same if it were spring. I don't feel like sunshine and rainbows right now. I feel like fall. I feel cooler-solemn like cool cloudy days-maybe if I can just take each day slow and somber like the days ahead-I can come out of winter ready to grow and blossom.