MoveOn

Ok so... Diagnosed with ADD as a kid - never medicated. Diagnosed with Anxiety as an adult shortly after college - prescribed klonopin. Felt a lot better. Tried to stop taking Klonopin and had physical withdrawals. Never abused the drug - eventually found that I could taper off of it and did so successfully. While I was tapering I was again diagnosed as an ADD adult at this time. Not hyperactive but easily distracted / forgetful / head in the clouds. It was amazing. For the first time I could focus on work and not everything else going on around me or whatever popped into my head that I needed to google ASAP that took me away from my work. I was actually on time and productive. I started at 10 mg adderall xr - it was eventually bumped to 20 - then bumped to 30. Changed to Vyvanse 50 mg for a month, then added adderall ir boosters to get through a 5am-10 pm typical day. Btw all this has been since march of this year. I felt great, got a promotion at work and was generally happy. However in the evening my fiancée complained of mood swings and lack of attention as I felt the need to constantly be doing something. Over this period of time my alcohol use in the evening increased to help with the comedown. It was August that I noticed a significant change. 5 months after being prescribed I didn't feel that great anymore. I noticed my first grey hairs - now it looks like a significant amount of what's growing in is grey - I'm 27 with no history of premature grey in my family. I've started to feel run down. It's hard to focus. I'm not as social. I seem to be paranoid - after reading the horrors stories of amphetamine use on teeth I rushed to the dentist - and my teeth were great. I feel like my face is oily and I now have dandruff. My body composition seems to have changed - despite eating I have noticed a loss of muscle mass and an increase in body fat. I used to be much more toned despite not working out a lot. I spent a period intensely working out and I did feel better but worried about my BP and heart rate as my heart would spike pretty high during running intervals - 198 being the highest. I sit at 122 resting bpm on a normal day. I do have caffeine which I know doesn't help. All of this is what's currently bothering me. The mood swings seem to have gotten worse despite trying to be careful about my food, vitamins, etc and I can at times sink into a very low depression. A year ago - I was disorganized, I would sleep in the evening and them stay up all night with a renewed burst of energy to accomplish what I needed to, I wasn't that motivated but things got done. Now I feel like I'm dependent on the adderall to fully wake up, talk on the phone to people, and do household chores - but at this point - I feel like I'm barely getting anything accomplished on it. The thing I do are half assed and that's on medication. I took a weekend break and slept and ate all weekend. I have been decreasing the amount I'm taking except for a few days here and there for work. I have all the right vitamins and supplements. Im at the point that I just want this shit out of my system. I don't have a problem with abuse and I don't take more than prescribed but I don't feel like its doing anything at this point but helping me function at a very basic level. I'm at a crossroads at work and a big transition where much is expected from me and I feel that dropping it entirely would severely hinder my performance and be very noticeable. I understand from an abuse perspective tapering off doesn't work, but from the prespective of taking it as prescribed and needing to do my job - what's the best way to get this junk out of me while not rendering me completely bedridden and exhausted ? Work means being up at 5 and being in front of people all day for sales. Has anyone had success tapering in this situation and by how much? At this point I've dropped the vyvanse and boosters and am on 40mg a day. I just want the old me back. But I don't want to have to be an exhausted zombie for the next few months who struggled to get through a day at work????