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Everything posted by sky

  1. haha weeeelllll let's just say I went to vegas there for a few nites of excess.... one nice thing is that I am not actively berating myself for slipping on anything, I'm doing good and remaining healthy, and feel no guilt... so no, lol, vegas... these days the only thing I'm kicking is fapping... been a couple weeks free now and it makes a hell of a difference... since it's sort of new I still struggle a little bit but haven't relapsed the trifecta of my personal "limitors" were smoking cigs, smoking too much weed, and porn... not watching porn or fapping or orgasming has been beneficial I think.... How are you doing quit-once? I miss all you guys who I used to "know" on these boards back then... I hope everyone's doing great!
  2. hey ya'll, haven't come around here in a while.... found my old login written down on some papers while prepping for taxes, thought I'd come by and say Hi It's been great, getting out from under the adderall cozy wing of terror that eventually brought us all here... It is in no way a big deal in my life anymore. I do things all the time adderall free, and don't miss it, craving it, think it'd be better if I just had some adderall... in fact now I've gone full circle and think I'm much better off without it, that all it did was make the things I'd do worse or tainted or soulfree or rushed.... for those of you struggling, know that if you keep on keeping on- it'll get better. Not perfect of course, but at least not that self imposed disEase of adderall dependence or addiction added to the mix.
  3. Going back on.

    hey just wondering if you did anything while off the addy to "recover"? cuz it's not just stopping taking adderall, you also have to do footwork and take action to evolve as a human, a person, and do things differently- not just abstain from taking adderall, but change your habits and life and get healthy. Maybe now isn't the best time to stop, maybe you need to get back on again to see how it feels and if you like it, cuz in order to quit you really have to want to, not just know you should. If you didn't give it a 100% effort and actually research things you can do to alleviate ADD symptoms, or focus more, or have self control and not go on the internet etc etc etc maybe you should. maybe before throwing in the towel and fucking it all and taking adderall, maybe give it a real try and try to find another way. If you haven't, then maybe you should do that first.... whatup everyone, it's been a while............
  4. Lindsay Lohan and her Adderall

    the other thing that's sad is that we scrutinize peoples lives. I'm glad no one is posting my personal trials and tribulations out in the world for others to judge. She sure has a lot more to contend with than I do- constant public scrutiny and next to no privacy. Everything she does is up for public judgement. That would be hard to deal with.
  5. Alcohol

    we're not necessarily in AA or NA, and those people might feel it's best for them to remain completely substance free... if alcohol isn't an issue for you, ie. you can have alcohol in the house and not feel it call to you, you can have a few and be done, you don't drink daily or to escape or to drown your sorrows, etc. then I think it's perfectly fine. It's not fine if you feel bad about it or feel like it's somehow messing up your life and getting in the way of your achievements. We may all have our own demons besides adderall- for me it cigs and weed. Those two I think get in the way of me living the life I want to lead. I fell off the wagon recently too and have been smoking again and smoking the teeny little bit of weed I have and I hate it! but alcohol I can take or leave- and I too like having a beer or two if I feel like it, and the three don't go hand in hand necessarily. So while some might think cigs are ok and feel no guilt smoking them, for me they're no good and I hate that I am smoking again, and I keep taking my packs and putting them under the faucet and throwing them away, and then the next night going to the gas station and buying another pack.... and I hate it! So that's where the problem lies. The guilt and depression that I feel. That's worse than the actual smoking. Same with drinking- if you don't feel bad and it isn't a problem, then it's not a problem.
  6. Yet another Adderall story - front page of Gawker

    yeah that was a good read.... as are many of the Tell Your Story posts on here, all I could think was "yup, yup, yup..." while reading it....
  7. Believing In the Cigarette

    A great book on Quitting Smoking that brain washes you in a really good way (dispelling a lot of myths and beliefs about smoking, quitting, love of smoking, etc) is Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking (for some reason I couldn't find the actual book book on amazon, just the one linked which is aimed at women...) It is a great book in that it gives you some new ways of thinking about smoking and like I said, brain washes you into seeing it for what it is, and also the quitting for what it is. I quit on December 7th of last year, a little more than 4 months ago, while I sometimes think I want one, those cravings last only a few minutes at most, and then they're gone and I haven't smoked...
  8. 9 plus months clean to relapse

    lol.... there are ways of destroying and getting rid of meds that aren't flushing them. I didn't realize that it was bad until recently, but once you know something is bad- and bad for all, it's morally corrupt to say fuck it do it anyway. If we lived in a society where we all did that, it would be fucked. So, as profound and as symbolic as it is to flush, it's bad to do so. And as members of society, and we're all in this together, and as part of leading a good and moral life (or trying to) you can't rightly say it's ok to do something that's bad to do. anyway. flushing meds is a cumulative problem that affects us all.
  9. 9 plus months clean to relapse

    thank you for posting that. It is helpful to read the fail relapse stories so we (I) don't have to relapse too, thinking "hey it'll be different this time..." "bla bla bla..." "bs lies I tell myself cuz addict". so yeah, thank you for posting.... btw, I think it's bad to flush pharmaceuticals. It messes with the water department's treatment of the sewage.
  10. Nike Plus App

    Is the distance accurate?
  11. Anxiety/Easily Frustrated

    I think bottom line, you gotta give it time. Your body, mind, soul, brain, chemistry, biology, all your parts- they all need time to clean out, rejuvenate, heal, learn again, acquire new habits, etc etc etc. No pain no gain, you dug the hole, now you gotta climb out. It is going to hurt, maybe a little maybe a lot, that sort of depends on your attitude and the foot work you do to either make it work or scootch along the fence on your ass and make it hurt like hell. You really have to be committed for it to work. Then you put your all into quitting, getting over the hump, and moving the fuck on. If you ride the fence your mind and addiction are going to fuck with you, try and pull you off the fence onto their side to make the agony go away for just one more day.... "I'm gonna kick tomorrow..." . So. Either use and don't regret it, take the effects with the cause, use it and abuse it and revel in the glory that is adderall, OR decide you have had enough, you want something better, and you are willing to do what it takes to make that happen. It is not going to be easy. Nothing that is worth anything is ever easy. The discomfort you will feel while quitting is a reminder of just how much it has messed with you, how much damage it has caused, and how much repair is going on. So know that it will take time, it will take effort, it will take work on your part, and it will take commitment and struggle and proving you can do it to yourself. You can do it. It does get better. It does get easier. All your fears will be allayed and you too will be able to live a perfectly creative, compassionate, fun, fulfilling, requited life sans adderall. Your soul will bounce back, you will like yourself a hell of a lot more. Just give it time.
  12. got it !! yeah in that case it's probably the best thing out there.... def has the caffeine, kept me awake till 4am like the others do, just didn't give me that cracked out itchy all over feeling that I so desire.... I'll give it another go for pilates class when I don't need as much cracked out feeling....
  13. I'm sure I'm not the only one on here who has thoughts like that... that one or two here and there would be fine if not great... I know myself and know that that one or two here and there wouldn't work out that way... pretty soon here and there would be most days and one or two would be 20.... I hate to say but thank you for posting that because I think I did sort of mock live out a "relapse" thru you, vicariously... it's weird when you hear stories about people with a lot of clean time who relapse, but I think it's good to hear their stories about why, and what happened... where they went wrong. This site is good for accountability. Even though none of us know each other, I still feel a sense of responsibility to the members, like on days when I might be fuck it, I remember this site and what people have said even though I may not feel that way at the time.......... like, adderall is bad, mmkay. exercise, eating healthy, filling your head with positive new thoughts... those things help me a ton. Also, not waffling, but being committed to the idea that I'm much better off without adderall- even a little bit.
  14. not so sure about that Natural Force as a Pre-Workout.... are you using it for the gym or just as an alternative to a red bull or 5 hour energy?
  15. yes you do. it sounds like there's an internal battle raging inside you, and the adderall is winning. recognize the unhealthy thoughts as the "addiction" voice, telling you screw everyone else, I like me on adderall...fuck that, people are our mirrors, if people are saying, thinking, reacting as if something is wrong or amiss, LISTEN to that... get the fuck off the fence. Resolve to make your life better. Once you're off the fence about whether or not to stop using or use, things will begin to get easier. Until then, that voice is convincing you that your life will be better with adderall. But has it been? Its fucking up your brain. Get some ballz and quit that shit for good- or at least resolve to quit for long enough to give quitting a chance to make a difference. Why'd you start back up after 6 months? Did you do more than just quit? Because we can't just stop using, we have to make other changes as well which get to more of the heart of the matter for why we thought we needed adderall in the first place--- diet, exercise, reading positive literature (not necessarily self help books!), connecting more to other people, the earth, animals; spirituality, etc............. all the things we forgo for adderall.
  16. Concerned and lost. Boyfriend of an addict.

    I really think that the best thing is to take care of yourself... you can't save her, you can't convince her to stop or quit or change, only she can come to that realization. I think we all lied to loved ones and friends about our usage- we all thought we were ok, we could handle it, we'd quit when we were ready, etc... until we ourselves got to the point of realization that we were fucked up, we were hurting ourselves and our loved ones, we were in over our heads and needed to stop- until we realized that, we would do anything to protect ourselves from the "intrusion" of someone questioning our usage. Lying and addiction go hand in hand. Until she realizes she needs to stop, you are only going to be pestering her and she will react to your queries with thinly veiled anger, avoidance, lies, manipulation, and deceit. Don't take it personally, it's not you, but it is her, and you yourself should take care of you- that's the best thing to do. If she's one of the lucky ones she'll make it out of the addiction without losing much-- she'll realize and quit before she gets in too deep and suffers any major consequences. But until then, any attempts are just an annoyance. You can plant the seed in her mind, but beyond that I think you have to let her get to that point on her own... so take care of you, do what's best for you, and let her figure things out.... prey she does, but that's about it.... signs she might have used that day: * drinking lots of water * low appetite * edgy/ easily annoyed * not tired at bedtime * lower sex drive
  17. Emily's story, bleeeehhh

    good job on the 2 weeks!! keep moving forward, things will get better with time. your body and mind will heal and you will feel better and better as time goes on. Life may not get peachy and perfect, but it will be much better without the abuse of adderall thrown in the mix. While our detox symptoms may not be the same as yours, you can bet that we all went thru our own private hell while quitting and detoxing and redefining ourselves. Give yourself time, your body time, to purge and heal. Things will get better, just hold on to that thought, you will get to the place where you feel "normal" again.........
  18. thanks for the tip! I just ordered it.... been looking for a new pre-workout.
  19. SICK

    if it is a cold, ZICAM !!!!!!!!!!! I can not recommend enough Zicam, it lessens the severity of the symptoms and shortens the duration. Don't get the kind you put in your nose, get the cherry flavored lozenges and take them as directed. You will feel better much sooner and it will last much less long (uh, shorter) ....... and matzoh ball soup, I'm sure in NY you can find some BOMB ASS matzoh ball soup........... yum! for the uninitiated, it's one big ass ball of carb goodness.
  20. Need to Quit but Don't Want to...

    ... don't set yourself up for failure before you even start your journey. do you really want to live life stuck on adderall? you feel normal now on it, but do you remember a time when you weren't on it? pre- 8 years ago? many people function perfectly normally without it, you've just grown accustomed and addicted to it. Like any substance, caffeine, cigarettes, diet coke- anything we consume daily that becomes engrained in our daily routine we think we can't possibly live without. But we can. It's not natural or normal to live taking a pill every day just to function normally. That's not normal. We shouldn't rely on things like pills just to get out of bed and get thru a day. So the voice telling you you ought to quit should be listened to. Only you can decide what's right for you, and if you want to keep living with adderall then hell do it. I'm sure you can even get pregnant on it (not sure at all, what do they suggest?) but I bet your Rx and Dr would have advise for you. Otherwise, there are a lot of us on here who went thru quitting, who successfully gave it up, suffered thru the quit phase and are now leading normal adderall free lives, and doing quite well. So you have to make the call. I will tell you this: you can't ride the fence about it. If you aren't sure, you won't make it. You will quickly and easily talk yourself out of quitting, every day, you'll quit and then by afternoon you'll realize you just can't do it, and you'll take a pill. You have to be fully invested in the quitting. You have to be excited to live life without it. You have to have reached a point where you feel like you will be better off without it. Until then, until you see it as a negative aspect of your life, there is no reason to go thru abstaining from taking it. You can't ride the fence- you're either quitting, or you're not. But we here do not see adderall in a positive light anymore. It has wreaked havoc in our lives, it has changed who were are into people we didn't like, into people our loved ones didn't like, into zombies devoid of life and feeling and passion. It took more than it gave. And we decided to quit and rid our lives of the thing that brought us low. Some may miss it, but they realize that they are better off now than they were before and so they stay the course, stay on the quit side of the fence, and keep on living life sans the mind bending effects of adderall... Welcome to the forums.
  21. SICK

    ugh that sucks............... hope you feel better soon.
  22. Food

    did you know that one of the effects is ADD like symptoms, if not ADD? and also depression. And also a craving for sugars. Its pretty interesting how much it can adversely affect peoples lives and how it might be so easily overlooked... I seriously think that getting rid of it might really turn things around for me- hopefully my nagging low level depression will go away, mood swings, concentration and brain fog... People should really read up on it. Candida
  23. Food

    talk about sudden changes..................:::: so I've been experiencing some gut issues for like the past few months. I've been doing a ton of reading online and think I know the problem-- I think I have an overgrowth of candida in my gut. It's naturally there, but given the right circumstances and conditions it can over grow and become unhealthy.... it thrives on sugars in all forms. So yesterday I didn't eat any types of sugars and all symptoms abated... sooooo pretty much if I want it to go away (I do) I have to radically change my diet to one consisting of NO sugars in any form--- fruits, dairy, carbs, even natural sweeteners like agave and honey, etc.... nada... it's pretty tough cooking that way. But from what I've read, if you starve it of sugar it dies off and then in like 6 months you can start to reintroduce sugars.... fun times. I have a doctors appt coming up, I'll see what he says, but cutting out sugar definitely made a difference. One things for sure, I'm gonna have some ripped ass abs.

    NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's awesome!!! 5 months for me today!! whoo hoooo!! and 3 off of cigs... dopeness.....