LaurenAshleyTexasGirl

I decided to tell my sister about my addiction. Having someone know (because I've kept it from everyone) will hopefully make the problem harder to ignore and force me to take the next steps to finally quit. At least I hope. Anyway... So, I'm trying to explain why I take adderall (way too many times a day, not that it matters). She doesn't understand why I don't "just stop". I think it's difficult for non-addicts to understand. And rightfully so. I mean, I know what I'm doing is wrong. And I know I shouldn't be doing it. But logic is squashed every time. And I don't know how to help her understand. I want to be prepared when I talk to her again. Instead of just saying, I don't know how to explain it. It's just not that easy to quit. This is the best explanation I have been able to think of so far: It's similar to the feeling of being really thirsty. It's uncomfortable and something that can be fixed by having a glass of water or another drink. Ignoring your body's need for fluids isn't an option. When I'm thirsty, I drink something. Just like everyone else. When I'm really hungry, I know I have to eat something. That's how I feel without adderall. The feeling is unbearable. And I can make it go away with a pill (or 3). It almost doesn't feel like an option. My body needs it... It's just something I need to survive now. At least, that's how it feels anyway. If that makes sense?? What do you guys think? I would love to hear from anyone. How would you describe it? How did you help people who love you understand you're behavior? I'm new at this...

Thank you all for the encouraging words! I really appreciate it. I just don't know if it's something I can do.. Even though I really want to. I feel like the adderall is stronger than me. Going even a half a day without it is miserable! I'm sure I don't need to explain what the withdrawl feels like. And missing work is really not an option. Unless I made up a medical reason. Not a bad idea. But then I have to worry about covering a lie. And I'm not sure what I would say. I wouldn't want to tell work the real reason. I hate myself for becoming this person. And I don't know how I can undo the mess I've created for my life. I'll tell you what I won't miss (if I ever quit)... Is being awake like this when the sun comes up. Getting only a few hours of sleep. Only to cover my exhaustion with more adderall. *Sigh... Every day I say, "tomorrow will be different" ... But it never is. I don't know what is wrong with me!?!

Thank you for the quick response! It's great to hear that quitting is possible. The hardest part is that it is so easy for me to get. I have a prescription and I know a ton of people who sell it. It's where a good portion of my paycheck goes. What was your first step? I don't know if quitting cold turkey is an option... Since I take so much. And it really doesn't make me high anymore. It's just what my body is used to. But I don't know if cutting back would work either. I clearly have little to no self control. I just don't know where to start... Or how.

So... I've had a pretty severe Adderall addiction for as long as I can remember. And I am yet to find anyone who takes even close to the amount I do. I easily take 400mg a day, every day... Sometimes more. And that's just to get to normal. This has been the case for the last few years. Although, I've been abusing Adderall for much longer than that. I keep going back and forth on the idea of quitting. Deep down I feel like I'm ready. But I don't know how. I hate the way I feel when I run out or try to take a break. It's literally painful. I've never lasted more than a few days until I can't take it anymore. Has anyone ever quit after taking such a high dose for such a long period?