senplate

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About senplate

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  1. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!

    11 days. Wednesday I go to get my third angioplasty, thanks in no small part to the stress this crap put on my body. As someone said, there is no free lunch.
  2. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!

    Thanks for the kind words of support. 10 days Adderall free. Each day is a reminder of how terrible this stuff is for your body. I definitely feel the accumulated fatigue resulting from the chemical stress I forced my body to endure.
  3. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!

    One week. Feel better, much better. Adderall just takes.
  4. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!

    I think I am close to 96 hours...slowly feeling better...stopped clenching my teeth for the first time in 3 years...thank God not having cravings...started to laugh again...still foggy as hell particularly with any stress
  5. Has adderall affected your physical health?

    Had all of the above plus serious cardiac issues. Teeth moved due to moving my tongue incessantly. Bad breath. Ugh. What a terrible medication!
  6. Anyone here completely back to normal?

    About 60 hours clean and am already free of the paranoid fear that folks are looking right through me and thinking "there is something not quite right about this dude". The insane thing is trying to unwind the paranoid thought from the truth inside the thought, i.e., you are right, on Adderall I will never be free of the amped person that is just plain weird When taking this crap.
  7. Confused

    This has been helpful to read. I appreciate everyone's honesty. As one who has battled addiction my entire adult life (and who now has about 60 hours clean ) I'm amazed by my capacity to believe that somehow I will be more complete with a substance in my body. While I know for certain that medication is required for many folks the controlled mood altering pills are my way of dealing with fear.
  8. scars saved my life

    I am going to get my second angioplasty in 9 months thanks to my addiction to Adderall. This stuff ruins your body the way running an engine with no oil will quickly destroy it.
  9. " THE 30 DAY CHALLENGE RELOADED" WELCOME ALL!!

    48 hours and feeling both hopeful and apprehensive...also my resting pulse rate is only 50 which is low and clearly my body is in rebound mode
  10. 8 Stages of Amphetamine Use/Abuse

    Irreversible damage is just absurdly rare. The brain is remarkably resilient. Don't lose faith in recovery because you falsely believe you are permanently damaged. That said, quit now.
  11. Do any Doctors Even Understand?

    I have taken provigil and while it does not give the rush of Adderall I think it is addictive. Finding a truly good psychopharmacologist is very hard. I would seek out someone with a specialty in addiction medicine.
  12. My Story

    36 hours clean. Threw out pills. Thank God. Feel weird but better.
  13. My Story

    Yeah, the irony is really staggering. Getting the exact opposite result of what I was looking for but still feeling like it will be impossible to function without Adderall. Addiction is truly insanity. I am in taper mode and nervous as hell. While my brain 100% understands the necessity of stopping, every ounce of my scared lizard brain wants me to keep going. The other thing I am struggling with is the subtle, but serious slow burn damage I have done to the relationships in my life using Adderall...wife, kids, friends, business partner, etc. Erratic, edgy behavior, meanness, obsessive talking, etc. Truth be told I don't have many friends because the sense of "cheating", shame feelings make me want to isolate. I am often struck by the difficulty I have making eye contact with other people. Last but not least the sex on Adderall and how addictive that can be. Ugh. Yet, my sex drive is basically totally gone at this point. God knows what this stuff has done to my hormones. I am tired of living this way.
  14. My Story

    Gang: I am 49 years old and have been taking Adderall for about three years. I started taking Adderall because I felt totally stuck and victimized by my feelings. I just sort of got tired of battling "me" all the time, the negative self-talk and general self-loathing. I also got sick of going through life so scared all the time. I also wanted more energy. For my entire life I have always felt that I was just not quite energetic or smart enough to be the me I was supposed to be. I spent my life watching hard driving type A personalities and wanted to be more like them. Some bizarre combination of greed, need for recognition and success. Christ, who the hell knows. What I do know for certain is that I have to stop Adderall. A work situation has made me realize that Adderall is having a far more negative impact on my life than I had ever imagined. The cumulative sleep deprivation is killing me emotionally and intellectually. Most days I feel like I have early onset Alzheimer's. Adderall is making me slow and stupid. I am 100% burned out thanks to Adderall. I am grateful to have found this site. By way of background, I am not new to recovery. I went through my first rehab almost 30 years ago. However, my drug of choice was opiates and like any good addict I somehow convinced myself that Adderall was safe because it was not my drug of choice. I should also add that I have a good life: three great kids, a happy marriage, good job, etc. Unfortunately, my good luck allowed me to justify, and help to propel, my use of Adderall. I think for a long time I have felt entitled to use whatever I needed to use to get through the day. I am going to try and taper myself off with the 20 remaining pills that I have left. I am skeptical of this approach, but I am feeling scared and depressed. Experience is telling me that only cold turkey is going to work. Before I sign off I should also add that in the past year I have had two angioplasties. I am 100% convinced that Adderall has taken a major physical toll on my body. I now have five stents thanks Adderall and am damn lucky I avoided a heart attack and death. This stuff is poison for me. Keep your fingers crossed for me.