survived

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About survived

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  1. I like you, also became unemployed for years. Whenever I tried to get a job, I was just so socially awkward on Adderall, I couldn't get hired. I think I was too stiff, too robotic. No one wants to hire anyone like that. I also took 60mgs for years. On the last few years I was on it, I wasn't even doing anything. So it's kind of like, "What are you using it for then? whats the point?" I totally relate to that. But you are so addicted, and you cant get out of bed without it, so you might as well. It's just a cycle that continues and an addiction that is so hard to break. It almost feels like you cant survive without it. I totally get it, and I was there. BUT, I was wrong. I could survive without it. In order to go out there and socialize with people again, and get a job, I needed to quit. Staying on the Adderall is not going to help you move forward, you are going to remain stuck. But you will only remain stuck for a good 10 months or so. It's really not that long. On Adderall you can end up staying like this, unproductive for years. My advice is to start tapering off of it now. I did a successful taper. 1 week I went down to 20mgs, the next week maybe 10, and I slowly decreased just like that, and by the 3rd week or so, I quit completely. I would just prepare to do a whole lot of nothing, but as you have described...it's already what you have been doing, so this is the PERFECT time to quit. I don't even think Rehab is necessary. I would save my money and quit on my own, you can do it.
  2. Poster Child for Relapse

    The good news is that you always come back! I'm sure there's people who I've seen on here, that went back to Adderall and are still currently on Adderall. You keep coming back, so that alone seems to be a real commitment to wanting to quit. Now you just need to quit for good and stay off. I have hope for you.
  3. Jurassic World?

    Loved it! Really good movie!
  4. Narcisistic posting

    I haven't seen you for a bit, welcome back!
  5. Narcisistic posting

    I have felt that way before too. It's definitely Anxiety talking.
  6. Narcisistic posting

    It happens a lot but I don't really care too much to be honest. I feel like we are all friends here and everyone (understandably) wants to talk about themselves and they need a outlet. Sometimes people talking about themselves gets a discussion going too, so be all means keep it coming! lol it gives us a chance to get to know you better and connect!
  7. Random past Adderall thoughts.

    LOL. The coffee didn't work on me! All it did was make my heart race.
  8. Random past Adderall thoughts.

    Yeah, it might feel like no progress but I'm sure progress is being made. You're able to work on invoices! That takes cognitive work! You are healing well.
  9. 5 months no adderall

    Wow, a lot of the stuff you wrote I could have written myself. We have a lot of similarities. I started around the same time as you and spent 4 years alone and lost friends, because I thought I was "busy". Getting your sense of humor back is always a nice feeling. Congrats on 5 months of quitting both Adderall and Cigs. You are very lucky to have such an awesome boss. Welcome back to reality, it's so much better here than on Adderall.
  10. relapse dream

    I had one about a week or two ago! It felt so real to me. I was taking the Adderall and I was telling myself that I'm only going to take it for "a little bit". I had like 7 pills in my hand in the dream. I remember feeling like such a failure for going back and I really thought it was real. Typically, I know when I'm dreaming. I woke up so relieved that it wasn't! so so relieved!
  11. Random past Adderall thoughts.

    I still think you're really early in recovery. I was a mess at 10 months. One of the last times I did a major update was when I was off 15 months. Going to the store for a couple of hours was an accomplishment and I don't think that it was until...month 17 and onwards that I felt really good and time started passing by quick. So you're only 5/7 months away from that, that's really not that long. That is when I started getting some relief from the fatigue. I still feel a bit of fatigue now, but it's from quitting Klonopin (benzo's) not Adderall. Since I got off of both meds at different times, I've been able to separate what was caused from quitting Adderall and what was caused from quitting the Klonopin. The fatigue from Adderall has got to be one of the worst things I had to go through and I'm hoping to make another update about it sometime. Am I still Adderall tired? No. Not at all. I think I'm completely healed from the Adderall. I exercised, I ate clean, drank a lot of water, drank minimal coffee but unfortunately the only thing that could heal me was time.
  12. I just realized I'm super late to the post! But I hope this can help someone else.
  13. It sounds to me like this whole personality is made up of Adderall. All the stuff you're saying sounds too familar to me, because I was that person. Adderall makes you feel like you're "busy" and you have all sorts of stuff going on. He probably truly does feel that way when he tells you he's too busy to spend time with you. Anyhow the medication has got to go. But there's no way you can force him to do so. What I would do in your situation is leave, and when you leave I would tell him it's because of the pills and if he wants you back he needs to quit them. Adderall right now is his number #1, but if he feels the pain of you when you're actually gone, he then might actually consider getting off the medication.
  14. i might go back on this shit

    Exactly, you're going to hit tolerance again anyway and it won't even work like it should.