Motivation..thank you for this scare or at least a brief moment of clarity in which I read this. Over the last couple hours I copied to word so i could make something to read on a daily basis. (I have it my own title, wrote a message to myself...mostly bc I thought I was going to OD literally just now but its turned out okay and the OD feeling has passed...and reformatted a bit for aesthetic purposes. (I will share what I just wrote with the group as there is no reason to post that which is already here. It may sound cheesy to some but I enjoy writing and the last 1.4 years being unemployed and hurting has allowed very few open gateways in which my soul is allowed to breathe and experience real feelings and moments of passion before the door closes yet again. So thank you for igniting something by posting this. To me, it's as if I am walking just behind with our footsteps in a unified Path to destruction.)
Falling 8 Stories
Title by Brian xxxx
â€œHello to you/myself, Brian. I hope you are reading this on a regular basis, or until the storm has passed, and it scares the shit out of you. Today, April 18, 2015, you had a moment of clarity when you began searching for guidance. You found this to be terrifyingly accurate so you Did the copy/paste thing and gave it your own title. Fitting too.
You are at Stage 8 my friend and you are no longer driving the car. A reminder: at this moment you feel like you are going to die after having just taken a legal, but non-FDA approved, stimulant substitute after days of too little rest, water, and food; but lots of that little orange â€œSirenâ€. Quit mixing these things dude.
Tomorrow, 3/19/15, is a new day. I have found a doctor that can help. I will be honest and give him a full frontal of the REAL ME! I have allowed my addictions to ruin careers, ruin relationships, and shut out the people in this world who love me dearly. My truth will allow for a program that will be for me and give guidance that I will understand and it will help. DONâ€™T FUCK THIS UP. Enough is enough. No more excuses. I have constructed this world of shit and I need to tear it down. (Feeling a little better after I took a Xanax. I have much less â€œimpending doomâ€ notion. Dumb fuck you.)
So start reading. You've have traversed and/or currently on a 6 thru 8 roller coaster. I hope your current efforts are more â€œjust in timeâ€ rather than â€œyou've missed the boatâ€. There exist few things that you find either motivating or positive enough to endure several more months, let alone years, of the current agony of which you feelâ€¦all the timeâ€.
It's okay to be scared. Welcome it with open arms.
one question: in the eight stages you state:...Amphetamine Use - (title xxx). No argument intended but Use and Abuse are so completely different. Eating my Rx of 30, 70mg Vyvanse in 3 days with no sleep , then buying 40, 30mg adderall and eating those all in the next 5 days...that's abuse. I consider "Use" synonymous to "as prescribed". Thoughts?