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  1. This has to stop..

    Hey- so this is my first time posting, but I have read over this site a million times over the last 6 years while I was trying to stop using Adderall. I don't even know where to begin, I am just so frustrated in myself for letting this go on for so long and always relapsing because I know just how to convince myself into using Adderall. I started taking it in college to study for finals, then it turned into taking it to stay up while going out and partying, and then I started depending on it for everything (cleaning, shopping, all school work, laundry). I kept up my use during graduate school and then also when I graduated and moved in with my now fiance, who actually has ADHD and is prescribed Adderall, which created another huge problem- I have taken a lot of pills from him (I've only had my own prescription for a short time and would buy them otherwise). I feel so disgusted with my actions, I love him so much and never want to hurt him. He keeps his prescription at his office because I will take them them, and if he does bring any home, I always find a way to take some and convince myself that he won't find out and then I take way more then I planned on and have to tell him because its obvious when 10 pills are missing. I started going to a therapist last month after I took yet another pill from my fiance, and things were going well until Saturday when he brought some home and since I am sneaky and manipulative, I found his hiding spot and had complete binge on Adderall. I only planned on taking a few on one day and that turned into a lot over 2 days. My fiance is so upset with me and is appalled at how much I took and also worries that I could of had a heart attack. So now here I am, I did not sleep at all last night and have a terrible headache, twitchy, foggy, craving more, tired, depressed, guilty, angry, and even had to call out of work today. All of these negatives for what, an extra boost of energy and motivation to keep busy and active when I could of easily enjoyed my weekend more without taking any pills. I crave and expect the euphoria I used to get from Adderall, but I don't get that anymore, no matter how many I take, so why am I still going back to this stupid orange pill? It only causes emotional pain, physical pain, and relationship problems. This has to be my last slip- one final all out binge of Adderall, my rock bottom. I have said this over 20 times over the years, but I really do want this to be the end of my addiction. I'd really appreciate any comments, support, or advice, also anyone else's similar struggles with relapsing. Thank you for letting me share!