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Found 4 results

  1. I wasn't planning to post anything here, but there isn't anyone that I can turn to anymore. I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe it's a cry for help, maybe it's a way to pass the time while coming down, either way, might be good to get it off my chest even if it's here. After all if anyone could understand it's the people here, right? (I'm two months from turning 21) I've been on Adderall since September 2014 and got the script just before going to college. Not more than 3 months in, I was taking more than the 20mg/day (IR) limit frequently to pull all nighters, avoid eating, and spend long hours studying without breaks. It wasn't long before I was sleeping every other day and isolating myself from everyone even the few friends I had that still kept in touch. Adderall helped distract me from my shyness and low self esteem with weight loss and a 4.0 gpa. My second quarter I wasn't getting the same effects so my psych upped my dosage to 30mg/day (IR) which helped for a while but I would still use more than I was supposed to in order to keep up the horrendous lifestyle I had developed my first quarter. I'd run out prematurely and have to take some time off the meds just to binge hard when the next one came. I had lost 50-60 lbs in a few short months, but I didn't feel healthy at all. Finished another quarter barely surviving the malnourishment, sleep deprivation, and plummeted self-worth. Spooked by a panic attack, confusion spell, and giving a presentation tweaked out yet mentally so slow (slurring words, losing train of thought randomly), went to my psych to discontinue Adderall maybe try something else. Minutes later I'm handed a script for Adderall XR instead and a bottle of pills in my hand. Figured I'd try XR and maybe things will be better. Nope. Blew through the month's supply in one fucking week. Somehow I emailed her after I was out she switched me back to IR and I got another bottle to binge during spring break all by myself. Since then I haven't been the same. I've snaked back and forth from XR to IR because I'm a greedy fucking junkie I guess. I would return to school only to drop out by midterms do overwhelmed by the work load and the lack of Adderall that would help me complete it. For an entire month I would sit in my dorm room all day eating, sleeping, skipping class until officially dropping classes and moving back into my parent's house. I was fined a few thousand dollars and had to play it off to my folks as financial aid fucked me over and kicked me out. How could I tell them their son dropped out because I was overusing my medicine thats supposed to help me focus? September 2016.. Got enrolled in a community college while still working full time. Paying out of pocket. Still binging Adderall every month. Haven't averaged less than 100mg/daily in months by this point. By midterms I dropped out.. again. Partly due to Adderall but also didn't want to go to that school. Now i'm enrolled elsewhere, still paying out of pocket. Still abusing Adderall. Averaging 150mg-200mg daily. Can't remember when I had only 30mg like I should be. I've had practice taking Adderall breaks and have gotten good at coping. It's just the week before the refill that ruins me because I just remember the good things about the pills. Not the way it turns me into an anti-social asshole, how it makes me sweat like a pig while I'm at work, how it's caused me to compulsively crack/pop my ankle/foot bones.. I've never heard anyone doing that before so hopefully as often as I do it that it isn't too harmful. I don't know what I want to do from here. I'm averaging 150mg daily. I'm passed the point of making rules to last the month with Adderall. I have 12 pills left and I trust myself so little that the pills are in the emergency kit in the trunk of my car. Honestly I don't even know how much I've had today. I was set on taking today off as usual but nope. Here I am.Mindlessly writing the play by play of my addiction. It's odd but I feel better the closer to being out of pills I am after a binge and re-realizing the fucking hell that Adderall can put me though. I don't think I need advice on coping with withdrawal, but I think if anyone actually reads this long less, or if I even have the gaul to post it at all, maybe someone can shed a light on what my next step might be? Getting an outsider's take might be good because no one even knows the severity of my abusing and the aftermath of it.. Cause I sure as hell can't be very objective anymore. Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through.
  2. I need your advice

    Hey! My name is Scott and I am 25 years old. My current Adderall use is 60mg. I take Adderall XR and Adderall Tablets. My reason for writing this is to seek out advice from all of you. I am going to be completely open about everything. I can guarantee you this is gonna be a long post since I just took my adderall, which I apologize about in advance. I am looking for suppourt, advice, assurance, and really anything you have to help me in quitting adderall. Before Adderall: Growing up I have always been an unusually bright person. My friends would describe me a shy and outgoing. I prided myself that my friends saw me as dependable. I had dreams and ambitions. I think that was my dominant trait actually. I just knew where I was going, and no one was going to stop me! In school I wasn't the "top" student, not even close. My hobbies were hanging out with friends, cooking, couponing, etc. If something caught my interest, it was easy to have the motivation I needed to get involved. I was normal, if not usually chipper. And waking up in the mornings was easy as can be. Starting Adderall: I started taking adderall in May of 2012, after my little brother was diagnosed with ADHD. The doctor told my mom it was usually hereditary and so I looked into it. It explained me perfectly. I was forgetful, unorganized, and somewhat lazy. I think a lot of the issues I had were other people's opinions of me versus my opinion of myself. To my mom and family I was lazy and unmotivated. But looking back I was a typical teenager/early-adult. Either way I decided I wanted to get tested. After being tested the doctor said I was a classic of ADHD Type-2. Type-2 simply means that I stare off into space and daydream versus setting fire to a classroom. Once diagnosed I went to my doctor and we met. He told me all about ADHD and what I could be. He showed me photos of handwriting before/after and grades that improved with treatment. Treatment being Adderall. When I first started taking adderall, it messed with my "senses". I felt like I was in an out-of-body experience. I quit it for a few days. I called my doctor after I returned to normal and told them about my experience. He told me that I just need to "stick-with-it" as my body adjusted to the new drug. I did. Taking Adderall: Starting out I was still myself. I was a socialite and still stayed actively engaged with my friends. My magical moment came when I worked myself up to 20mg. I had a almost high-urgent need to do something. I always wanted to be a cleaner, and now I was. I didn't enjoy cleaning, it became something I "loved" to do. I had ridiculous amounts of focus, and I could focus on something and actually accomplish it. I think I started misusing Adderall when I got a job with the county and had to wake up at 5:00AM. I took it to STAY awake. I realized soon that the dose didn't always have the same effect, so I started increasing my use. The next year I got a job promotion where I had to stay alert. Therefore I used Adderall to stay mentally sharp and awake. I worked long days and would take 40mg in the morning at 5:00AM and 1:00 PM. I really didn't sleep much anymore either. I also stopped hanging out around friends and became more of a homebody. I then moved out of my moms house and into my own place. I lived alone and I think that added to the social anxiety. As the year went on I started to need Adderall in order to wake up, versus simply stay awake. It eventually got to a point where I would spend all day in bed, because I didn't even have the energy to get up and take Adderall. It was somewhere around this time that I started to hate going out in public. I just lost interest and would rather stay locked up then go out into the world. I rarely saw my friends. In fact I saw my landlord more then I ever saw any friends. I would go see them and I really enjoyed it. Even though now I was quiet and reserved versus Loud and obnoxious. I don't know what it was. I didn't feel uncomfortable I just didn't have that same spark I once did. It wasn't long after this when I realized I needed to quit Adderall. I decided to quit and went cold-turkey. I SLEPT for a good month. Afterwards, I would go to work and come home and sleep. Then after three months from summer break, I went back to work. I no longer enjoyed waking up like I used to. I was always late to work. All was fine until I started getting the "head-bobs" while driving. I wasn't as clean anymore and my entire work performance suffered. My landlord was upset at how filthy my apartment was. Eventually I talked myself into taking Adderall again. And everything took off except I was at 40mg versus 60mg. But after a month I went back to 60mg. I then moved in with roommates. We get along great and I really enjoy them. But I think after six months they are starting to not be a fan of me anymore. I spend time with them, but I mainly stay locked up in my room. Plus my room is a mess. I cleaned so much that I am sick of it, and the 60mg doesn't seem to be doing much. I also started back college, which I had been forced to quit due to finical aid issues before I started taking Adderall. I can barley make it out the bed to go to class. I have to take Adderall or have something extremely important to do in order to get up and go to class. Even then my sleep schedule is so messed up because I work overnights on the weekend. When I am not working I sleep. Overall: Since taking Adderall I have become secluded from society. I used to love waking up in the mornings but now I can barely get up to take my Adderall to get motivated for the day. And once I am up I only have 4-8 hours that my Adderall works, and then I have to re-up or crash or burn. My room is a mess, nothing is organized, I see my friends once every few months, and I just feel like I'm drowning. I take Adderall everyday. Fear of quitting: Last time I quit Adderall I went through an awful month of just sleeping. And even after that was over, I had little to no motivation. I could wake up, but really all I wanted to do was sleep. I loved to go see friends but honestly I think we just drifted apart. They don't ever care to hang. Plus, I live with roommates and I need to clean, to maintain peace. In addition I'm in college and I can't afford to go through this as my grades may slip. I don't know if I am also depressed or if my Adderall addiction is the culprit. Questions: I have taken Adderall for 3 — almost 4 years now. I used to take 40mg, but now I am up to 60mg. How long would it take to get over the initial part? I have looked at the "alternatives" forum but I don't know what anything is. Can one of you explain the basics and common alternatives? When quitting Adderall what can I expect with my job since I live on my own and have to pay bills? Do you feel that friends were a vital role in your success with quitting Adderall? What suppourt networks are in GA? What do you personally recommend after reading my story? Did anything I say stand out? I don't know much about this addiction, but I know it's a biotch. Is there anything I can do to prep for coming off Adderall? Any advice you have? Lastly, do you ever feel like you are "you" again? Thank you for everything, and I apologize about the long post in advance.
  3. Realized I should Quit

    I've been on this medication for over five years I am a creative person friendly laid-back easy to be around and feel that it's time to wean myself off of this medication. I am a friendly, kind, laid-back guy who is usually fun to be around and feel that it's time to wean myself off of this medication. I have been taking this medication in order to feel good and neglected to deal with A deep underlying depression that I I hadn't realized I was self-medicating myself fot. I Started utilizing stimulants because of the feeling of having to keep up with everyone over my years in college, as well as having the feeling that I had to to keep up with the breakneck pace of my friends, the pressure of finishing school, starting in career, starting my life and having everything figured out as A 25 -year-old adult feeling that I have not met up to the expectations of family over the few past few years, and like I was some kind of failure for still being in school . I'm want to slow things down as I feel that it allows me to be more myself when I am not trying to keep up with everyone else expectations or living amongst our fast paced tech driven culture that we live in. I am a musician I am later back, I like to write songs, I love playing drums guitar and bass I like art and film and have a deep passion for video games in which I am pursuing a career in after finishing my bachelors degree. I am posting in hopes to connect with u guys, members of this community who can relate to my experience of wanting to stop taking this medication to slowdown. I have been wanting to stop taking this medication because i feel more like myself when not reliant on stimulants and able to be in the moment rather than trying to keep up and race around trying to get a thousand things done all the time. I have been Reading everyone's posts on here is been therapeutic as I was amazing how similar all of our experiences of th Reading everyone's posts on here is been therapeutic as I was amazing how similar all of our experiences of them I am open and empathetic to everyone who's been dealing with this in their lives and never pass judgment I would love to connect, and empathetic to everyone who's been dealing with this in their lives and never pass judgment I would love to connect with some of you guys. Being someone who is a gamer and has the ability to easily chat via voice chat or Skype I am hoping others members on here would like to utilize the functionalities of our gaming consoles in order to chat with one another if interested. I typed this out on my iPhone using my voice so Im sorry there are a bunch of errors. I'm going to edit this later but had to post cuz I felt like I'd never get around to it if I didn't do it right away
  4. Hey guys. Before I start: I'm already assuming I'll end up writing a lot down here, and I know this thread could easily be skipped over, but please bear with me because I desperately need some guidance and insight. I'm surprised at myself for even being here, but I felt the need to reach out since I am. I started adderall xr when I was 17. I'm 21 now. Before adderall, I had my ups and downs with antidepressants from some depression I struggled with, but that's all. I don't know if I actually have anything close to ADD (I did have trouble in class with daydreaming constantly and adderall did help, but again, who knows). At the time, my main motivation for getting on it was the weight loss. I was 17 at the time and not even fat, but had bad self image and also a tiny bit of "baby fat" that I thought would never go away, so I lied my way into getting a prescription for adderall xr (30 mg/day). Shortly after, I went back and got a new script for 30 mg twice a day (one in the morning, one later in the afternoon) cause I felt it coming off later in the day and got the tired/hazy feeling without the second pill. Obviously, I did lose weight, but I never was big in the first place (the highest weight I ever was: 5'4 125 lbs, and I credit that to just being young and not losing the baby fat yet). I didn't end up scarily thin either (5'4 & 110 lb afterwards -- also, the appetite suppression thing obviously wears off if you don't keep upping the dosage, so that suppression hasn't been applicable to me for years). Anyway, from age 17 til now at 21, I'm still on the 30 mg/twice a day schedule. I don't feel a "high" or extra boost from it anymore obviously, but maintain the normal schedule to keep balanced (obviously if I just stopped one day, I would feel hazy, tired, and disoriented -- when I take it, it's just feeling "normal" and not anything like being high or hyped up). I'm 107 lb currently, but any weight loss I have had recently is from my own healthy eating habits and getting off birth control. Anyway, my point is, I'm on the stuff but just to keep normal now. I regret being stupid when I was younger and putting my body into dependance on the drug in the first place, but now I'm here. I do feel I concentrate much better in my classes since taking adderall, and haven't abused or raised my dosage since the initial time in the first few months 4 years ago. I recently quit smoking and got off birth control because I want to be as healthy and free from depending on anything outside of my own body. With my background info, do you think I should get off adderall? Like I said, I don't actively abuse it anymore and it's more of needing to maintain the equilibrium I put myself in years ago. Because I know I have self control with the stuff, I know I can taper off slowly if I wanted to. My main fear: weight gain. I am terrified of getting off and having my body plummet from the change after all my hard work in eating healthier and not crash dieting and all that crap (that I used to do when I was younger). If I have weight gain, I know myself and my issues, and it would easily trigger horrible depression with me and I feel stuck. Would tapering off very slowly (reducing by 5 milligrams every other week) negate any possible weight gain I might have? My adderall is time released (XR), so they are in capsules filled with tiny beads, so I would have to open the capsules and reduce the amount of beads in there little by little to taper off, correct? Anyway, I would be thrilled to read any insight/advice/personal results relating to my question that people give me here. After dealing with the major depression I had after getting off antidepressants a year or so ago, the task of getting off adderall seems so impossible. All that is stopping me is the weight angle. So main question -- tapering off very slowly: would it negate that side effect? But also, your advice is greatly appreciated. I'm not even sure if I should get off or not since I do notice legitimate improvements in attention years after the "high" wears off. I don't know though. For those of you who read this, THANK YOU. I pray you guys can guide me in the right direction here.