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Hi guys - its been a minute but could use some words of encouragement. I quit adderall back in October, and I started a new job two months ago. I wanted to lose weight so bad that I went to a DIFFERENT doctor and got prescribed phentermine. Needless to say my zero self control and amphetamine addict started abusing it from day 1. I took FIVE today. I’ve been drinking a shit ton, hardly sleeping and now it’s 4:30am and I’m still just beating myself up. I was two years clean, then got back on adderall, started abusing again, flushed it and now I’m abusing the phentermine which I also flushed this morning. I just feel so embarrassed and don’t understand why I don’t have self control like normal people. BecAuse of how much of phentermine I took today u had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. Had to tell my boss who actually had to call my psychiatrist at work today I couldn’t even drive. I just wasn’t to be normal and not have these constant urges to use drugs to balance myself out. I see my psychiatrist on Friday and I think it’s best if I tell her about the phentermine. I’m scared and embarrassed and could just use some love!!! Thanks for letting me vent. Love you all and so glad to be apart of this community xo
Hey guys, Hope all is well and everyone is having a great weekend so far. I have to admit something to all of you because I want to keep it 100% and I want to be as honest as possible. This morning I went to the wellness doctor/appointment my boyfriend got me for my birthday, which I asked for and wanted. It went well but I have to say, I have gained 20-very-unwanted-and-noticeable-lbs in the last 4 months and I am not happy about it and it's been driving me crazy (because I have been working out and eating kinda healthy). I guess not hard enough. I think it was the combo of quitting Adderall and being just on Zoloft and Birthcontrol, 2 medications known to make women gain weight -- me esp. The Zoloft made me crave crazy foods that I have never eaten and I wasn't even raised eating like white crabs and cookies and I would eat a full-balanced meal and still be hungry right after and it was very unnormal for me. But what is normal these days? And I don't want to make any excuses. They put me on some crazy ass 800cals a day diet. Um what? And gave me a B12 shot in my ass. They also gave me a daily multi-vitiums, stronger B12 pills (because I can't come in for the shots the next 2 weeks; my boss is going out of town and I have to do all her events including mine) and an appetite suppressant called Phentermine. Phentermine is a "â€¦short-term (you can only take it a few weeks) adjunct in a regimen of weight reduction based on exercise, behavioral modification and caloric restrictionâ€¦" and is a stimulateâ€¦ I believe a Stage 4 and Adderall is a Stage 2. Way milder than Adderall but if I take it does this mean I relapse? And all that I have worked so hard for, will it all be gone and for nothing? I have a 2 week supply, they just gave me it at the appointment with all the other supplements and I told them my history with Adderall. They said it's fine. Part of me feels guilty as hell and I don't want to let you guys down or myself but another part of me just wants to take it for 2 weeks to get a jump start on my weightloss and help speed up my metabolism again. I don't know what to do. If I knew the "appetite suppressant" was going to be a stimulate, I probably wouldn't have gone. Maybe I was just being naive because I am so desperate to lose the weight I put on. For my job, I am in front of or on a small stage of a large group of people, anywhere between 15-60 people (teaching them to paint) and I don't want to think people are staring at me and judging me. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. Maybe I need to go talk to someone? But my new health insurance starts the beginning of June. Words of advice, anyone who is in or has been in a similar situation or suggestions, please help and let me know. I just don't know what to do anymore.