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Found 4 results

  1. Hi everyone, It is about time I started participating on here, as I’ve been stalking these forums for years! This community has given me so much hope and comfort that I am not alone. I am so grateful to Mike for creating this amazing website, and I hope I can make a useful contribution that will help others as well as lean on you all for support when I need it. So here is my story… I am 34 years old and have been taking dexamphetamine for 12 years. It started in my last year of university. I had an eating disorder (bulimia) and saw a psychiatrist who specialized in this area. The first thing he did was prescribe dexamphetamine, which is apparently used as an ‘off-label’ treatment for eating disorders here in Australia. He also said I probably had ‘a touch of ADD’ (WTF?!?). I had taken dexies before as a party drug, so I was like yeeeah bring it on! Thinking I will just use it for a short time to get over the bulimia addiction and then have access to a party favor I could share with my friends. Big mistake. Although my eating disorder was cured overnight, it was merely replaced with a different addiction… to stimulant meds. My dose was quickly increased to 10x 5mg pills per day (the max prescribed dosage is 12/day or 60mg for adults). I only took this much (or sometimes more) to party on the weekends, but on average I would say for about 8 years I was taking 8 pills per day (40 mg). (I think the conversion to Adderall is 10mg addie = 7.5mg dex) Over the past 4 years I have wanted to get off this horrible drug and started trying to take less. Although I tolerated it very well for most of that time, and it greatly helped my confidence, mood, motivation, productivity, just about everything! I realize it is unsustainable, and is holding me back from moving forward with my life. Eg maybe I want to get married, have kids, travel the world?? I can’t make plans because I don’t know who I will be when I’m not on this drug. And Im too busy going about my daily activities like a freaking robot! In the last few years it has also become less effective, yet the side-effects are worse, especially the insomnia. So I also take regular sleep aids and this viscious cycle has to stop! My first step was to confess everything to my boyfriend, who has been amazingly supportive. I had been living a lie for the first 18 months of our relationship, I thought he would be so disappointed in me, but he has been very understanding. That was about 9 months ago. From there I started to cut down my dosage further – however found I stepped back up again. Finally I had a ‘break down’ moment a few months ago. The reality of my situation slapped me hard in the face... Full blown, rocking back and forth mental patient moment... Holy shit! I realized I have a big challenge ahead and I made the decision to be accountable and face up to it. I had been living in blissful denial for too long. While I was aware I was taking pills to get through the day, I was able to shut that part of my mind off and just get on with it. So for the past few months I started to get serious about tapering. Though I am doing it very slowly – reducing my dose by 5mg (1 pill) per month. So far I have been strong and stayed on track – 1st month 5 per day, 2nd month 4 per day. I’m now into my first week on 15mg / day (3 pills per day). I’ve had really bad anxiety, which has made my sleeping issues worse. But for the most part, I am functioning well on the lower dose. Makes me realize I was on way too high a dose before! Of course, this is nothing compared to completely quitting. I know that lies ahead. I have just started seeing a psychologist who is doing a brain rewiring program with me, and hopefully this helps (will tell you all about it in another post!) I’m also having 1 – 2 coffees per day since tapering my dose, this helps with work. And I take magnesium twice daily – this helps my bowels, which have also slowed right down since reducing my dose. I’ve practically stopped socializing altogether lately too. I find if I make plans, I get so anxious about not being my excited bubbly happy self (ie highly medicated) I completely freak out and panic. Then I have to let people down. I’m content with being a hermit for a while – work, eat, couch, sleep. Luckily my partner enjoys a good couch-fest too! And I’m already enjoying down time with family more than I used to when I was too wired. I’m still smoking cigarettes (one demon at a time!), which I want to quit eventually… and I also smoke weed most nights too, which I really enjoy, but will give that up too if its making me too foggy during the day. Phewwww!! So there is my story. Sorry it is so long!! I look forward to sharing my journey with you. I hope this will relate to others in Aus as there is not much info out there on dex addiction. And it is prescribed like freaking paracetamol over here. Thank you all SO MUCH for your support and giving me HOPE J PS I chose my name as I want to be RESILIENT (and need to be!) and I also dream of being a CAT so I can sleep 18 hours a day!
  2. Hi, my name is Matt and last Wednesday (Oct. 2, 2013) I took my last dose of adderall (5mg). I received a prescription for adderall to help out with my ADHD a few years back. Well, actually I started out on Focalin and switched over to adderall because it was cheaper as my doses were increasing (no generic Focalin available at the time). I'm one of those people who really didn't need to drug, but felt that I needed it because it made me feel good, which motivated me. Likely, I would have been better off taking an SSRI instead of going down the stimulant route, but hindsight is 20/20. At my worst, I was taking 50mg of adderall a day. I knew that I was in over my head with the "addy" after I didn't take it one morning and I felt like absolute crap (physical pains and aches). Also, I felt extremely tired no matter how much I was taking. I felt very distant and and socially isolated. I couldn't accomplish anything without taking a dose beforehand (especially workouts). My life revolved around timing the effects of the pills. I couldn't take it anymore and decided that it was time to quit. I found this website and decided to follow the "weaning off" procedure. Luckily for me, my doctor worked with me to help me wean off of the stuff. While off the pills, I'm still working out regularly, but am finding it difficult to become motivated some days. I'm taking Zoloft (have been for awhile), and that helps, but I can't put as much on my plate anymore. I'm a graduate student and some people have told me that I picked a bad time to quit, but I think that I made the right decision. Does anyone have any tricks that help improve motivation?
  3. Hey guys. Before I start: I'm already assuming I'll end up writing a lot down here, and I know this thread could easily be skipped over, but please bear with me because I desperately need some guidance and insight. I'm surprised at myself for even being here, but I felt the need to reach out since I am. I started adderall xr when I was 17. I'm 21 now. Before adderall, I had my ups and downs with antidepressants from some depression I struggled with, but that's all. I don't know if I actually have anything close to ADD (I did have trouble in class with daydreaming constantly and adderall did help, but again, who knows). At the time, my main motivation for getting on it was the weight loss. I was 17 at the time and not even fat, but had bad self image and also a tiny bit of "baby fat" that I thought would never go away, so I lied my way into getting a prescription for adderall xr (30 mg/day). Shortly after, I went back and got a new script for 30 mg twice a day (one in the morning, one later in the afternoon) cause I felt it coming off later in the day and got the tired/hazy feeling without the second pill. Obviously, I did lose weight, but I never was big in the first place (the highest weight I ever was: 5'4 125 lbs, and I credit that to just being young and not losing the baby fat yet). I didn't end up scarily thin either (5'4 & 110 lb afterwards -- also, the appetite suppression thing obviously wears off if you don't keep upping the dosage, so that suppression hasn't been applicable to me for years). Anyway, from age 17 til now at 21, I'm still on the 30 mg/twice a day schedule. I don't feel a "high" or extra boost from it anymore obviously, but maintain the normal schedule to keep balanced (obviously if I just stopped one day, I would feel hazy, tired, and disoriented -- when I take it, it's just feeling "normal" and not anything like being high or hyped up). I'm 107 lb currently, but any weight loss I have had recently is from my own healthy eating habits and getting off birth control. Anyway, my point is, I'm on the stuff but just to keep normal now. I regret being stupid when I was younger and putting my body into dependance on the drug in the first place, but now I'm here. I do feel I concentrate much better in my classes since taking adderall, and haven't abused or raised my dosage since the initial time in the first few months 4 years ago. I recently quit smoking and got off birth control because I want to be as healthy and free from depending on anything outside of my own body. With my background info, do you think I should get off adderall? Like I said, I don't actively abuse it anymore and it's more of needing to maintain the equilibrium I put myself in years ago. Because I know I have self control with the stuff, I know I can taper off slowly if I wanted to. My main fear: weight gain. I am terrified of getting off and having my body plummet from the change after all my hard work in eating healthier and not crash dieting and all that crap (that I used to do when I was younger). If I have weight gain, I know myself and my issues, and it would easily trigger horrible depression with me and I feel stuck. Would tapering off very slowly (reducing by 5 milligrams every other week) negate any possible weight gain I might have? My adderall is time released (XR), so they are in capsules filled with tiny beads, so I would have to open the capsules and reduce the amount of beads in there little by little to taper off, correct? Anyway, I would be thrilled to read any insight/advice/personal results relating to my question that people give me here. After dealing with the major depression I had after getting off antidepressants a year or so ago, the task of getting off adderall seems so impossible. All that is stopping me is the weight angle. So main question -- tapering off very slowly: would it negate that side effect? But also, your advice is greatly appreciated. I'm not even sure if I should get off or not since I do notice legitimate improvements in attention years after the "high" wears off. I don't know though. For those of you who read this, THANK YOU. I pray you guys can guide me in the right direction here.
  4. Day 1 of Weaning...

    Hello Everyone, I am new to this forum and WANT TO SAY "THANK YOU" TO ALL WHO HAVE POSTED as I found this website last night and I have found comfort in knowing I am not alone. Today is the first day of weaning myself off and I have dropped my dose of 30 mgs daily to 20. I have some fear but I also know God and my guardian angels are with me, I have been on Adderall instant release for the last 12 years of my life going from 10 mg of instant once per day to 15 mgs instant 2 times per day for the last 5 or 6 years. I have never taken more than what was prescribed yet have battled an addiction to alcohol where a craving oddly seemed to increase when my dosages were increased. I am 32 now and can't help but feel that while Adderall helped at first it also lead to my demise. I have been in recovery from alcohol (no DUI's thank god) for almost a year as my drinking increased heavily the last time my dosage was increased. Funny thing is I don't ever remember wanting to drink when I was first placed on it in the beginning. Rehab almost 2 years ago convinced me alcohol was only problem and I quit a job where I was making $85,000-$90,000 per year because of the 'partying" environment. But now after reading what others have posted I am not so sure that alcohol was the problem. I believe it was the Adderall. Those blue pills that helped me so much at first are the equivalent of rat poison in my mind. I just started my own business and am scared of failing but I have to wean myself of this junk because I find myself procrastinating or being so over focused that I can't get anything done. Today I only took 10 mg in the morning and feel kind of spaced out and plan on taking 10 mg in the afternoon. I also have tracked what I am eating and am making sure to watch it as I have read that people have gained weight and feel a need to cut the caffiene and sugar too. I am tracking what I feel, etc.I also am determined to continue my running. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Reese:)